When New Memories Occur Between Sessions

[Bananie]

I saw my T on Monday, 4 days ago. It wasn't...the best session(?). I told him how I had an appointment that night about starting a DBT group, and it turned into a DBT group because I originally contacted the leader about her Women's Trauma group as an "and the horse you rode in on" to him, because he won't let me join the trauma group he is starting, even though I was the one who originally brought up joining a group back in October. I realize and appreciate his reasoning though, and thought, maybe DBT really is the place to start. He responded with "well, that should be interesting to see how it turns out."
Then he was trying to help me link a current situation at work to a past situation with my mother. We went through the emdr interview I'd done for the past situation, and, I guess I dissociated, at least partly, because by the question "where do you feel this in your body?" I just snapped "nowhere. I don't feel anything." It was almost the end of the session, so he asked "Are you ok?" I responded "Fine!" And he said "are you sure? you answered that a little too quick." That's probably where a smart person would have said, no, I'm not fine, but it's the end of session so I feel like I can't say anything else anyway, cause what would the point be? What would even happen? I'd have to leave anyway." But I didn't, I just left.
Later, reflecting on where the questioning had gone, and why I do react the way I do, a "new" memory about my mom came to mind. An awful "I don't even want to believe what you're telling me Little Bananie" memory. And I was already thinking, I have to wait 2 weeks to tell him this new, "pertinent (?)" information??? When I got a call yesterday from the office that my appointment on 2/20 was cancelled, and to just come in as scheduled on 3/6. A MONTH to sit on this??
I guess my question is, is a new memory important? Do I call my T? Do I just wait? It's not like I don't have outside support, blah blah blah, and I'm not going to do anything to myself....
I guess I'm just impatient, and only want to tell him, even if he can't DO anything about it anyway. But it was kind of like, that session was about "Why do you stay in a barely tolerable situation?" Because my needs don't matter as much as others. So, if I have this need to connect with him and tell him this, should I follow through with that, or keep going under the assumption that my needs don't matter?

 

[Muted]

Have you ever contacted him outside of a session before? Does he have rules about that?

 

[Bananie]

I called once, in November. I left a VM, and never heard back. It turned out he had been out of the office, and whoever took the messages never even said I called. When I was explaining how I had called, I said, I was stuck on something, and, I called you, actually, and he was like, oh I wasn't here! And then, since I had forgiven that, I just went on with, well it was stupid for me to call anyway, and once I felt I was stupid, it was easier to get over than the original feeling, cause I'm used to that.
He didn't really respond to that, or say anything about calling in the future.

 

[Muted]

That sucks @Bananie . I can relate to your frustration. It's not like we can always choose when we make those connections and want to tell our t and also when we're ready to deal with something that comes up.

I've left sessions too knowing I'm not ok, but it always comes back to time. Time seems to control our entire world. My parts HATE being rushed, they never did anything fast enough for other people.

 

[Muted]

I'm the same way, what's the point in saying I'm not ok when times up and there's not a quick fix we just suffer through it, we're good at that.

 

[Bananie]

Thank you @Gia1019 :) I'm just...I don't even know. Lol. The parts thing still throws me. I don't do "parts work" in therapy, just one session he started talking about how we all have parts, and some react without us really knowing if we don't understand that it's happening, and now every once in awhile one of us will mention a part, me specifically, because I started researching and trying to figure it out myself, him in a general, hmm, could there be a part who doesn't want to say something right now?
Really, it's occurred to me before, and just came back to me, and I guess I just have to work up the courage to actually tell *him* that sometimes it feels like we're in the same book, but we never seem to be on the same page."
I'm also fighting taking the cancellation personally. I know logically that a therapist would not cancel a session on purpose/in retaliation. But between me telling him I was mad that I couldn't start his group so I went to someone else, and also, I started the session by immediately telling him "I took hydrocodone this morning. I'm not high, it's for pain, I have another tooth infection." He didn't say anything about that, just sympathized that I was having teeth issues, and then, like we do, conversation just flows.
But since, substance abuse has been an issue in the past, and actually why I can't start in his group immediately, my..well, I don't know which part, I haven't figured that out yet, but I'm just thinking, did he actually have to...take a break from me? Did I piss him off? Is he teaching me a lesson?
And finally, since I can minimize and rationalize and distract, and intellectualize, now after reading through the forums, I can say, oh, well, I guess this is just the process of therapy. Bringing things to the light. How wonderful! :rolleyes:

 

[Muted]

could there be a part who doesn't want to say something right now?

I'm new to learning about parts too, I very much resisted it initially.

Absolutely! Sometimes my parts won't let me talk. They are sensitive to pressure and feeling hurried and will sometimes just panic. They have to feel very safe. Sometimes they can't verbalized, but can write or draw. I have at least one part that can't verbally speak. I'm not positive if protector parts keep some of them from talking or what, but nothing pisses me off more than feeling like my mouth is taped shut when I just need to let it all out to my t.

Your part or parts may feel rejected by your t. It's very vulnerable for them to come forward, they really need a safety net and to feel like your t is going to be there when they need him.

I get it, this process feels like hell. I'm right there with ya.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I saw my T on Monday, 4 days ago. It wasn't...the best session(?). I told him how I had an appointment...

What can help is to write the new memory down and compare it with the old memory. I know that has happened to me so many times: where I thought that a new trauma is not related to anything in my past but when I compare then I see old and new predators doing the exact same thing, I hear the same lies, and then it hits, then I realize that the old memories from my past most certainly are connected and how understandable it is that I react negatively, even though at the time I have no idea why.

 

[Bananie]

What can help is to write the new memory down and compare it with the old memory. I know that ha...

Thanks! One of my problems I think..well, know, actually, lol, is focusing. The student in me wants to be all formal and organized and set aside specific "therapy" time to read and consider. But instead I just do it all the time, but not formally? So nothing sticks, no actions come from insights, etc. Still workin on everything, I guess. :)