Anyone can do anything they want to me and get away with it

[Justmehere]

A very twisted trauma from years ago has been stirred up for me. The thoughts that are driving me into being symptomatic is that anyone can do anything thy want to me and get away with it. If anything, the "helpers" will enable the harm.

I can't figure out any challenges. I'm dealing with a government agency about a post surgery health care worker requiring I sign fraudulent documents and when I said I needed to call someone before signing, they responded by throwing things at me. I actually videotaped them doing this,and they stated the documents were false but I still needed to sign them, and so on, as well as their aggressive act of throwing stuff at me. I taped the director of the organization flat out stating they require everyone to sign it and as the documents contain services not provided and would never be provided, but they require all the patients to sign them. Blatant fraud.

I sent the video to the doctor and insurance to explain why I didn't sign the forms, as they are fraudulent, and would never allow them near me again. The insurance was livid. The state regulatory agency was contacted and for 7!damn months they have done nothing. Four times they have lost the video asked for it again, then sent emails confirming they had it, thank you, they will hold the health care workers accountable... only to contact me weeks later asking for a statement and evidence again because they lost it. Again. Four times now. 7 months of this... and they called me and railed into me I'm not sending it again to them quickly enough.

Again.

Today I told them if I send it to anyone again, I'm sending it to news media. They won't lose it. The agency railed into me telling me I needed to do more to help them. I told them, "no, I don't. I'm the victim in this and I can choose to accept you are incompetent of keeping track of evidence and I'm not going to waste any more time to give you evidence and statements you will lose and God knows where this is all going anymore. I'm done. You failed at handling the easiest case ever and lost your case. Good job. You have proven your agency is a waste of taxpayer money and failed to protect vulnerable people from financial and physical abuse. Don't ever call me again. You have done nothing but waste my time."

Ok. I know. An extreme reaction to a very mild annoyance. But I can't do it anymore. Someone else can handle their fraud and aggressive behavior and this dumb ass agency that can't function. I'm done. I don't care about it enough and the chances they will do anything ever on the easiest case ever is slim to none.

The problem is that I keep thinking, anyone can do anything to me... and I keep thinking of the old trauma where I was so badly hurt.

I can think of how to challenge the thoughts hat anyone can do anything to me and no authorities will stop them. In the traumatic event from years ago, the agency that was supposed to stop harm actually committed serious harm. And no one stopped them. No one.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I'm sorry you're going through such BS. It reminds me of my experiences with several alphabet agencies through the years. Nothing was ever done to genuinely help me, only doing things to string me along, or to right the multiple wrongs I presented to them with plenty of documentation to back it up. It pisses me off how much control they have over others and how so many choose to keep playing the stupid games that allow it to keep happening. Imagine the numbers of times it happens to folks who don't/can't speak up. Grrrrrr......

 

[Justmehere]

It's just terrible. I'm so sorry you have been through it too.

The manager called me and said he wanted to know my concerns. He admitted they lost the records and it was wrong and acted all ready to listen to my concerns about that and take it seriously. I asked for three specific changes. (I want to see a copy of everything they had that I sent them, to be sure its lost, I want to know what security they have for the info I sent them, and I want to know what they will do to not lose records again.) I asked if he made any note of my requests. He said no. I asked if he could
Tell me what they were so I can make sure I'm explaining what I need. He said "no. I'd like to tell you how we process investigations."

I told him to never call me again. They asked for records they lost when they asked for records again. I don't care how they investigate. Stop asking me for stuff you will lose. I don't have time for this. I sent all the evidence. I don't have time to send it again. I didn't even let him talk. Don't call me again. You lost this case. Good job.

I hung up. This is much much more curt and blunt than I usually am.

I spun out a bit after I spoke to him. I think I finally figured out the challenge though it o my thoughts.

Anyone can do whatever they want to me, and I can set and keep freaking brick wall boundaries when someone proves to be worthless in stopping crime, or worse, a perp themselves. I am not helpless. I am capable. I am vulnerable to harm, like all humans, but I am not helpless. I don't have to act helpless like they do.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

(((JMH))) It may feel like you can't do anything about it, but it seems to me that you did what you needed to do in order to get their attention. I don't think this is something personal, just a bunch of arrogant assholes who've forgotten who they work for. I don't think your reaction was unwarranted, in fact, I would have been screaming.

Did you contact the news? Do you folks have ombudspersons?

 

[shimmerz]

I will be watching this thread. I have the same issues, although they manifest differently.

I keep attaching the term 'learned helplessness' to it. Not sure if yours is the same but it is basically a 'beat before I start' attitude.

I mean, I try, just like you did.... and I keep at it, but jeeeeez, what is the difference between learned helplessness and a corrupt system?

 

[The Albatross]

I don't see how, based on what you relay in the opening post... that you have enough positive experiences, at least you haven't shared any to over-write the ongoing conflict you have with the institution at this time. Of course the belief fostered, "Anyone can do anything they want to me and get away with it" is not a beneficial one.

Perhaps outside of this ongoing situation you can self examine and search out situations in your life - apart from this one, that refute the belief. It is not really necessary to have all life experiences to be absolutely true to change a defective/maladaptive core belief or cognitive distortion. It is though much easier.

Or you can dig deep and do your utmost to resolve this situation as best as you can rather than sabotage yourself with the futility of the core belief.

Disheartening to read that thus far the majority of responses, though empathetic, will likely only fuel the core belief even though you posted it in this section.

 

[Ms Priss]

You have my utmost empathy. I suppose I have gotten rather bitter over the years or maybe I have just wised up.

After years of having to deal with agencies of all sorts, I have learned to advocate for myself...big time. I would like to tell you it has made things better. It really for me has not changed much. Being on the bottom of the hierarchy, I mostly get overridden, but at least i stand up for myself and speak my mind. Since I am alone I have to advocate for myself. There is a lot of growth there because before I just let them ride roughshod over me or thought they were better than me and they knew and I didn't.

What I am finding is we are not the only ones who may be sensitive to criticism...most people are and tend to get defensive, and very rarely have I ever heard anyone say they were wrong...sometimes I can actually see it is them and not me. I no longer go into a situation where I need to speak up thinking it will turn around. I do it cause I care enough about me.

I live in low income subsidized housing. I was forced to move to a different apartment a few years ago. The condition of the apartment was unacceptable so I approached the manager about the issues and she responded very badly. The repairs that needed done were done, but from that day forward she had a visceral hatred of me and made my life miserable. One day she went off on me in the public area of the building for no reason. I told her I was going to report her, and I did. But the response I got from her higher up was that I needed to understand the manager was having some difficulties in her life. I hung up the phone thinking that is like telling me my husband had a bad day at work so he is justified in beating me up when he gets home. At the time I was taking it all very personally and it hurt a lot and was frustrating and I felt helpless and powerless...well, I kinda was. She is gone now. Things did not go my way, but I feel good about standing my ground.

Last week when I had an appointment with a trauma counselor, I knew I had to address the issue of some of my trauma comes from the mental health system or the counseling would prove to be ineffective. I had myself a wreck before the appointment because I was so afraid of a negative response. I was surprised when she said that mental health is taking a turn to be cooperative rather then authoritative. So I was pleasantly surprised.

I will continue to advocate for me no matter how painful or difficult. I get to make the decision what is worth fighting for and what is not.

Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say in a long round about way is I think I have a pretty good idea where you are coming from

Best of luck to you!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

My response was one of a shared concern and a deep innerstanding as I experienced many of the same feelings in my frequent dealings with multiple agencies through the years, similar to what I felt was being written in the OP, @The Albatross . I wasn't attempting to fuel anything other than hopefully helping the OP feel more understood and not so alone. Showing support on a support forum? Check.

Unfortunately, after working within one of those agencies for quite some time, too, I've learned there's much more corruption than one can ever think of adequately addressing and shifting. The key is not allowing it to totally control your emotions. Being made to feel helpless at the hands of so many different authoritative figures who have control of so much sensitive and vital information takes its toll on a being after a while. Remind them of who's in charge as kindly and assertively as possible and never let them know how deeply they're getting under your skin, or it may fuel their attempts at taking you down even further.

 

[Neverthesame]

I told them, "no, I don't. I'm the victim in this and I can choose to accept you are incompetent of keeping track of evidence

Agreed. You are correct.

Ok. I know. An extreme reaction to a very mild annoyance.

Was it? (Serious question.)
You have irrefutable proof of both the fraudulent and violent actions of the health care workers. Also the blatant (and FFS repeated) incompetence of the regulatory body that's supposed to deal with this.

I don't think you overreacted at all. Nor underreacted.
You handled it professionally, without giving in to anything. You didn't attack anyone, or insist someone do something impossible or illegal to try to get your way.

The manager called me and said he wanted to know my concerns. He admitted they lost the records and it was wrong and acted all ready to listen to my concerns

They asked you to try again, you agreed to listen. So long as they agreed to do something very reasonable to provide assurance that your patience, time and sanity are finally going to be respected.

I asked for three specific changes.

Clearly outlined in plain words, to avoid misunderstanding.

I asked if he made any note of my requests. He said no. I asked if he could

Reasonable.

He said "no. I'd like to tell you how we process investigations."

First test of good faith from their claims of sincerity.
FAIL.
That's on them.

I told him to never call me again.

Repercussion of failure on their part.
They didn't follow through on what they claimed they would. Failure to follow an agreement met with appropriate penalty.

I didn't even let him talk. Don't call me again. You lost this case. Good job.

You already stated that this was the last chance for your cooperation.
You had zero obligation to hear another word.

I am not helpless. I am capable. I am vulnerable to harm, like all humans, but I am not helpless.

I got really excited when I read this bit, as it ties in nicely with what I wanted to suggest as possible answer to your question.

how to challenge the thoughts hat anyone can do anything to me and no authorities will stop them.

I think you are that authority.
You did not sign those papers. You stood up for yourself and went to the (technically) proper authority. When they proved themselves to be no better, you did two things.

1. You took upon yourself to ensure that the lost evidentiary documents where resupplied. Despite the drain on your valuable time and upset to yourself. Several times....
2. When you decided enough was enough. That these people aren't going to help you. You chose to not allow them to drag you back into the original problem, by continuing to let them trample on your time and effort.

While this may not be the result you have wanted, you have shown that you are serious in your convictions and unwilling to allow anyone to negatively impact your life without one hell of a fight. There indeed have been victories in this as well.

You have not given the fraudulent health care people the signature they wanted.
You did not give up as soon as something went wrong. You went above and beyond and have done everything in your power to do, at this time.

You have not allowed this regulatory commission to blame you for their incompetence, nor are you allowing them to continue to attempt so.

Losing a battle does not mean the war is lost. So far none of these people have gotten away with anything.

I know this is not even remotely the first time you've stood up for yourself when faced with an injustice. You have not lost all of those battles either.

Finally. You have shown many people here that they can go through hell and keep fighting. Even when things don't go to plan.

You have an authority. An authority of one.

This is what I think could be your challenge to the notion that people can walk over you. Because it doesn't look to me that they can.

PS: I know I sure as hell wouldn't want to mess with you.

 

[Justmehere]

Today has been such a crappy day grappling with this very core belief.... I just read your post @Neverthesame, and I laughed and fought back tears, in a good way. I never thought about it that way before...

All of the responses are making me think, and I'm processing them still. I'm beyond tired, and can't reply now, but I will soon. Thank you deeply for the support and kindness and encouragement and helping tackle this sticky distorted belief....

You all are really pretty awesome.

 

[Justmehere]

I keep attaching the term 'learned helplessness' to it. Not sure if yours is the same but it is basically a 'beat before I start' attitude.

I mean, I try, just like you did.... and I keep at it, but jeeeeez, what is the difference between learned helplessness and a corrupt system?

Good question. :/ Corrupt systems foster such helplessness...

In my case, my therapist says I tend to lean to the opposite end of the spectrum from learned helplessness, on the surface. I kind of act as if every system can be changed, every injustice made just... etc. Reality is that no, it can't be. Not in this life. Accepting that I am actually somewhat helpless to change this system or outcome, in this circumstance, but I'm not helpless as a person, is a hard balance for me to find. I do feel helpless. i think I'm trying to just compulsive compensate for that feeling. I've been told by an advocacy agency I am the best self advocate they have met (which makes me think they have not met many! :() but another then told me they won't help because I'm better than they are at advocacy. What? BS, and NOT HELPFUL. I really did need their help. :(

I don't see how, based on what you relay in the opening post... that you have enough positive experiences, at least you haven't shared any to over-write the ongoing conflict you have with the institution at this time.

This is very true. I think I keep trying to create the positive experiences to outweigh the bad, almost compulsively... and end up getting into situations that just reinforce the distorted belief. I need to approach this stuff differently. I think I keep trying to prove I'm not helpless, because deep down, I am so terrified I actually am helpless.

Perhaps outside of this ongoing situation you can self examine and search out situations in your life - apart from this one, that refute the belief. It is not really necessary to have all life experiences to be absolutely true to change a defective/maladaptive core belief or cognitive distortion. It is though much easier.

Spot on.

After years of having to deal with agencies of all sorts, I have learned to advocate for myself...big time.

I'm so sorry you know what it's like to go up against this kind of crap, and I'm glad you have become a good self advocate! I think the retaliation you faced is a big reason why most people do not even try to stand up for their needs, and it's awful.

I was surprised when she said that mental health is taking a turn to be cooperative rather then authoritative. So I was pleasantly surprised.

THIS IS SO KEY, and wonderful to read. It can be a authoritative and paternalistic field, and I do think it is shifting, and not nearly quickly enough.

Remind them of who's in charge as kindly and assertively as possible and never let them know how deeply they're getting under your skin, or it may fuel their attempts at taking you down even further.

Yeah. It's like not feeding trolls, and taking it like water off a ducks back, just offline....

When you decided enough was enough. That these people aren't going to help you. You chose to not allow them to drag you back into the original problem, by continuing to let them trample on your time and effort.

THIS is new for me. Really new. It felt freeing....

 

[The Albatross]

Yup, yup, yup... solid reply and well thought out... lots of good stuff there. Particularly, total agreement with your shrink, "therapist says I tend to lean to the opposite end of the spectrum from learned helplessness, on the surface. I kind of act as if every system can be changed, every injustice made just... etc. Reality is that no, it can't be. Not in this life. Accepting that I am actually somewhat helpless to change this system or outcome, in this circumstance, but I'm not helpless as a person"