Sexual Assault I need help... new trauma

[KerriJ]

I was sexually assaulted on Saturday night.
For the 3rd time in my life.
I'm lost and confused hurt and bruised neck.
Not sure if I need to warn people, but I did relapse into old self-harm behaviors.

I did go to the ER and get checked and treated and talked to the police.
I'm scared.
I feel like it's my fault. I feel like I led him on and didn't resist enough. He was drunk. I was overcaffienated, slightly manic and maybe tipsy.
But I said and shook my head no. I tried to have it no happen. But it happened anyway.
I'm so lost.

 

[AnD]

I'm sorry it happened to you. What do you need at the moment?

 

[KerriJ]

I'm sorry it happened to you. What do you need at the moment?

I am not sure, I feel like I'm ruining someone's life by talking about it. I feel physically and mentally exhausted, but cannot sleep. If I could get advice on how to get to sleep that would be helpful. I'm calling on Council on SA/DV tomorrow.

 

[AnD]

I am not sure, I feel like I'm ruining someone's life by talking about it. I feel physically and mentall...

I think you need to talk about it and process it. As long as you don't hurt yourself.

Sleep... what do you normally do when you can't sleep?

 

[Justmehere]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's not at all your fault.

I feel like I'm ruining someone's life by talking about it.

You are being tremendously brave by talking about it and helping law enforcement do what they can to try to prevent this person from hurting others, and increasing the chances this person might get help and not harm others.

You are not ruining their life. Their choices were theirs and not yours. They alone are responsible for what they did. Period.

 

[Joan]

So sorry that this happened. No means no! This person chose to not listen...you are not ruining their life. You are being brave and seeking help. Do you have a friend or someone you can talk with? What are some things that have comforted you in the past?? music, mindless tv, hot shower or bath, hot tea, coloring?? What has helped you before not harm yourself? Please be safe and care for yourself.

 

[EveHarrington]

So sorry. :hug:

 

[KerriJ]

Thanks everyone


Why is the ony thing IRL people can tell me is "Stop reliving it" "Don't dwell on it"

LIKE YAH. I TOTALLY CHOOSE TO RELIVE HIS HAND ON MY F*cKING THROAT 24/7

 

[EveHarrington]

Thanks everyone


Why is the ony thing IRL people can tell me is "Stop reliving it" "Don't dwell on it"...

People try to say the right thing....but fail miserably.

They don't understand that the "disorder" is the inability to stop reliving the trauma.

 

[KerriJ]

I'm so done right now.
Why?

I feel sympathy for my attacker and I'm confused and I just ugh

 

[Joan]

You have been through a lot and it sounds like even though you have reached out you are not getting the support that you need. Do you have a therapist?

 

[KerriJ]

You have been through a lot and it sounds like even though you have reached out you are not getting the su...

I do. I saw him yesterday, and he found out I self-harm relapse and sent me to a crisis center even though I didn't want to go. They wanted me to stay but I couldn't handle being there with other people, and I'm really not wanting to go to the hospital. It's like IDK what to do at this point.