How do you avoid triggers that you are powerfully drawn to?

[barefoot]

The Weinstein stuff that’s all over the news/social media/the internet is triggering me. I’m sure I am not the only one here who is having a difficult time with it. It feels like it is everywhere, inescapable, and I feel overwhelmed. I’m finding the “Me too” posts on Facebook very anxiety-making today. I imagine there are going to be way more developments and coverage before it dies down so I feel like I need to find a way to get a grip ASAP.

On the one hand, I want to avoid everything about it and not engage with it because it feels so overwhelming and is dysregulating and I feel that I need to just hole up and not “let it in” and somehow recalibrate.

At the same time, something about it is so compelling for me and I feel powerfully drawn to it. It’s almost like a compulsion to seek out everything I can find and read it all. Then, afterwards, I feel worse. It’s like driving past a car crash....I feel compelled to look, even though I’m going to see something horrible.

I spoke to my therapist about it in our session today and she suggested I try to take a step back and avoid as much as I can. I said I didn’t know whether doing that was unhealthy avoidance. She said that it was good self-protection because I am triggered, overwhelmed and dysregulated.

I think she is right. It makes sense that I should avoid as much of it as possible at the moment, while I try to get a grip on myself. But then there is the powerful urge to keep looking stuff up and reading things. So, I want to avoid stuff because I think it will help me to regulate myself but I don’t trust myself to do so.

How do I control the urges to look at stuff that I know are really not helping me at the moment??

It seems that, on some level, I want to deliberately trigger/dysregulate myself but I don’t understand that.

I feel exhausted and wired and not very in control of myself. I want to get myself more under control. But I seem to be my own worst enemy.

Help, anyone?

 

[deeplyloved]

I could have written this word for word. I don't have therapy until Thursday afternoon...and I've already emailed with her. She noted already (a couple sessions ago and in a nonshaming way) that the past 8 weeks have been quite tough for me and I have needed her between sessions. I feel like I'm pushing the limits already. So I really don't want to text, call or email unless it's an emergency. But I'm barely functioning. Falling further and further behind on everything. Isolating myself from friends. I did decide to stay off of Facebook and the news for the rest of the day. I wish I could feel inspired and empowered by so many people speaking out against sexual violence...but I simply feel triggered and flooded and hopeless. I was already feeling like I'm coming undone, before this story broke in the news. It just keeps getting worse. I'm going to take a warm bath and try to reset my nervous system. I hope you are also able to practice some self care, whatever and however you need it.

 

[Friday]

I trigger & stress myself all the time -on purpose- for 2 very different reasons.

1) Exposure therapy... Chipping away at triggers & stressors to eliminate them entirely.

2) Practice... IE I want to be kicking into panic attacks & similar so I can get better/faster at getting myself under control. So what might take hours when I'm out of practice? I can grab by the collar and yank right back down to normal in moments/minutes once I've got a good handle on it. It's a control thing. And a quality of life, thing. The faster I can regulate myself, the less I'm affected.

Both of those? Are vastly different than when I am being about stupid by spinning myself up outta control. I don't do this on purpose... I FIND myself doing this :banghead: Ideally before I've already crossed the point of no return. But more often only in retrospect (Gee, self, why did you think it was a good idea to break out the engine manuals when you were already edgy? Because you were dropped on your head, apparently. Put it down. Back away slowly. Seriously. Back the f*ck up. Now.) <<< To be honest, I think this is just the flip side of the coin. The same impulse to repeat things over and over again until I get them right is what led to the super useful-healthy options (exposure therapy & self control) above. This? Is the unhealthy version of that. The one that doesn't help me, but f*cks me up.


Exposure Therapy is all about minding my own reaction & regulation.
Practice is all about learning/mastering self control.
f*ck it is all about the opposite, no self control, and no attempts to. It's a good one to avoid.

Sometimes avoidance is running away.
Sometimes avoidance is running toward.
In this case I'd say running toward self control? Exactly the kind of avoidance one wants.

 

[Sideways]

Sometimes the news or social media are flooded with a story that I want to keep up to date on, but find difficult to digest.

My personal strategy is to set aside time to look into it. That means keeping control of how long I spend on it, doing that only when I’m in a headspace to cope, and making a point of doing something self soothing afterwards.

I think it’s natural to be interested and want to know more. It’s about finding a balance that doesn’t let it become something to obsess over, or flood us emotionally. Which means making sure that we can step back from it.

If something just becomes too plain distressing for me, I will end up avoiding it altogether for my own health though. Keeping things in small doses usually avoids the need to do that, but sometimes it is the safest option. There is no news story that’s worth setting back my health for.

 

[EveHarrington]

Avoidance gets a bad rap for being unhealthy.

What IS unhealthy is the black/white view of avoidance.

I mean, if our ancestors didn't avoid tigers, we wouldn't be here!

In other words, some kinds of avoidance are good, healthy, and necessary for self care!

 

[barefoot]

Thanks...so it seems that avoidance is the way forward with this right now because I am in quite a state about it.

It’s about finding a balance that doesn’t let it become something to obsess over, or flood us emotionally.

At the moment, I don’t seem able to find a balance. I am obsessing and getting emotionally flooded.

My personal strategy is to set aside time to look into it. That means keeping control of how long I spend on it,

Trying to set a time boundary around it may help. Time is just getting swallowed up as I dive into it all and then ruminate and, before I know it, ages has passed. Maybe it would help if I give myself time limits and set an alarm?

Any other ideas to help me avoid this stuff when I also feel compelled to go there? I could delete my Facebook app from my phone. But then I could just put it back on! And it’s not just Facebook...it’s everything online, it’s tv news, it’s newspapers... How do I make myself stay away when there’s a compulsive element to looking?
Do I just need to try harder??

 

[deeplyloved]

I've read on here that it can be easier to replace one behavior with another rather than to try to stop doing it. Am I saying that right? Today, I tried taking a hot bath with a paper book (instead of my phone). That kept me away from it for an hour. Then I reached out to text some close friends. I was feeling hurt that no one has checked on me...but realized I haven't checked on anyone either. Most of my friends are survivors. Connecting a bit helped. Went on a walk with one of my daughters to get a treat. Distractions are helping me stop reading but I'm still thinking about it.

 

[barefoot]

@deeplyloved - thanks for reminder re distractions. I am feeling like I want to hole up, so nothing, see no one. It’s 2am here just now (can’t sleep!) and I have been looking forward to just snuggling under a blanket tmrw. But now wondering if that will just be too tempting to look online a lot. Perhaps I need to force myself to do something tomorrow instead. Perhaps some exercise. Or clear out a cupboard or something. Don’t feel like doing those things but perhaps they would be better for me.

My distraction techniques since I got home from therapy were to take Valium and drink vodka. Maybe not what my therapist would have suggested. But it felt good. For a short time.

Now back to feeling wired and panicky.