Hi to whomever reads this. I have DID. And lots of other issues too. Suitcase-full of diagnoses, all of which make sense but which make treatment WAY complicated and frustrating because treatments for one thing can exacerbate others.
I guess I'm looking for validation/hopefulness/connection? I don't know. Something. Right now I am feeling very, very hopeless and despairing. Fighting the urge to pack up my gear and disappear. Managing the suicidal and self-harm stuff pretty well, though. I've been hospitalized x4 and do not want to go that route again if I can possibly help it.
I have DID, PTSD (which is sometimes considered as being on the low end of the spectrum with DID, and sometimes different from DID), Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I have tried a lot of different meds and supplements. Currently am on Valtrex for a re-activated Epstein-Barr virus, Lamictal for both trauma and bipolar, Strattera for ADHD, a bazillion supplements to support my adrenals and immune function, and about to start a detox for CIRS (mold toxicity).
I have a terrific therapist who I see 2x week, and a terrific (though rather eccentric) psychiatrist who I see once a week. I have found an integrative medicine clinic that is taking me seriously and treating me for things my primary care physician dismisses as nothing, and I am about to go to be evaluated by a pain clinic (second try at this, different place, but I suspect they will tell me all the stuff I am already doing). I think I have found a decent seeming new PCP. Every specialist I see tells me I am doing all the right things...that there's not much else they can offer. Have been told this for several years.
I have made some progress, particularly in understanding my issues, and developing a bit of self-compassion when I am in certain parts, but nothing else changes. I lost my career nearly 3 years ago; I had to bow out of all my volunteer work; I can do very little socially without either crashing out physically or emotionally or both. I have kind people in my life, including my husband and children, and I feel deeply grateful for that. I am re-making myself into an artist and writer (what I'd always wished for anyway), but I can do so little due to my symptoms that it all seems pretty worthless.
The current drugs I am on seem to have made me more co-conscious with my parts, and THAT is completely flipping me out--like watching my body be possessed and behave in ways very foreign to me. I don't even want to go back to therapy because it feels so wrong to "allow" parts to come out and express themselves even though I know this has happened before with less consciousness, and that they say this is important to healing the trauma.
I am having a terrible time of it. I know if I wait, things shift and there are moments when life like this seems livable. But then so quickly it all shifts back again. I am exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, by all of it.
I guess I'm looking for validation/hopefulness/connection? I don't know. Something. Right now I am feeling very, very hopeless and despairing. Fighting the urge to pack up my gear and disappear. Managing the suicidal and self-harm stuff pretty well, though. I've been hospitalized x4 and do not want to go that route again if I can possibly help it.
I have DID, PTSD (which is sometimes considered as being on the low end of the spectrum with DID, and sometimes different from DID), Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I have tried a lot of different meds and supplements. Currently am on Valtrex for a re-activated Epstein-Barr virus, Lamictal for both trauma and bipolar, Strattera for ADHD, a bazillion supplements to support my adrenals and immune function, and about to start a detox for CIRS (mold toxicity).
I have a terrific therapist who I see 2x week, and a terrific (though rather eccentric) psychiatrist who I see once a week. I have found an integrative medicine clinic that is taking me seriously and treating me for things my primary care physician dismisses as nothing, and I am about to go to be evaluated by a pain clinic (second try at this, different place, but I suspect they will tell me all the stuff I am already doing). I think I have found a decent seeming new PCP. Every specialist I see tells me I am doing all the right things...that there's not much else they can offer. Have been told this for several years.
I have made some progress, particularly in understanding my issues, and developing a bit of self-compassion when I am in certain parts, but nothing else changes. I lost my career nearly 3 years ago; I had to bow out of all my volunteer work; I can do very little socially without either crashing out physically or emotionally or both. I have kind people in my life, including my husband and children, and I feel deeply grateful for that. I am re-making myself into an artist and writer (what I'd always wished for anyway), but I can do so little due to my symptoms that it all seems pretty worthless.
The current drugs I am on seem to have made me more co-conscious with my parts, and THAT is completely flipping me out--like watching my body be possessed and behave in ways very foreign to me. I don't even want to go back to therapy because it feels so wrong to "allow" parts to come out and express themselves even though I know this has happened before with less consciousness, and that they say this is important to healing the trauma.
I am having a terrible time of it. I know if I wait, things shift and there are moments when life like this seems livable. But then so quickly it all shifts back again. I am exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, by all of it.