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Spending money on therapy?

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I wasted years and years of time and money on in-network therapists that did not have the skillset I need. I’m currently fighting with my insurance company to pay something, anything of the fees for my out of network therapist who saved my life and has helped me more than anyone else ever has. All of the fees of the past year are on credit cards. Sometimes I get panicky and feel guilty about that. Other times, I thank God I had access to that credit. Because you know what? Not everyone does. There’s no calculation for my life, health and well-being. My health has a real cost too. My family deserves to have me getting the care I need, just as much as I deserve to receive it. I wish everyone could always get the care they need. I’m blessing, giving thanks and accepting the debt. Someday I’ll be able to pay it off. Last year I didn’t believe there would be a someday for me...
 
Wow, thanks for that response @deeplyloved.
I feel that same way about my trauma T.
I also saw an out of network psychiatrist who saved my life. I never feel guilty about her, but I do about my trauma t.
My trauma T listens to me and "gives me love" in a therapeutic sense, so I guess that is what causes the guilt, like I do not deserve her.
 
Well yes, but its hard to explain why I don't think I do. It feels crazy just to go in there and drop 110 on therapy for 50 mins!
My psychiatrist was 250 an hour.
It is just so tempting to try to make in network work.
I am a little surprised by the responses here.
I thought people might say to go in network.
I think a big thing for me to think about is that I need a trauma specialist and a PsyD who does EMDR.
I think that many T's that take insurance are generalists.
 
I am just used to reading stories of where many people have a hard time and can only go in network or not get therapy at all. That used to be me for many years and its what has caused my current debt, which I feel ashamed of.

I am confused about what I should do because although we can budget for out of network it still is a lot and we have the debt.
It has felt good to get the responses here about spending money on therapy. I was not raised to spend money on therapy. My mother has actively told me, "That T is no good for you! She has turned you against me!"
Ha! My mother is emotionally abusive.
So, obviously I need to discuss this in therapy, but that will be awkward.
 
My T is out of network. She is $90 for the “hour” (which is “cheap”- she hasn’t raised her rate in the 2.5 yrs I’ve seen her). And sometimes if I stop and think about how much money $90 is, I freak out. BUT. I can afford it. So for me, I sort of view that weekly $90 as never having existed. It comes out of my paycheck straight to therapy and is worth every penny because health and healing isn’t something you can put a price on. Sort of like money I never see that goes straight to retirement. It’s an investment. We don’t know how long we have in life. Money is just money. We don’t get to take it with us when we die. Sure, I could hand over a sum of money to my kids when I die. But would they rather that, or a healthy, present mom who is a good example of self compassion and loving others? I can’t get there at this point without therapy. And my T is the right one for me. So it’s the price I pay, and I consider it very worth it. Maybe just a shift in perspective. You deserve it.
 
I pay $150/hour. I really am grateful for my T and if seeing her makes me more able to show up to my day job and be more productive then I can fully justify the expense. That's how I see it.

Debt makes me stress out too. The trick is to set yourself small goals and celebrate when you reach them. Set all your debts to minimum repayment then pick the smallest debt and smash it out. And so on. It's really inspiring.
 
I pay $120 bi weekly. I dont earn enough. He doesnt give me sliding scale. I pay cash everytime.

He has years of experience ! I find his expertise unmatched.
I completely trust him.
I have a place to be myself.
Its priceless.
I drive 45 mins. to his office one way.
Much of my paychq goes to him.
Can i live without therapy.yes.
Do i want to. No.
Time is now...i want to live my life in the moment.
Therapy gives me space to talk and think and sort myself out.
So i go once every 2 weeks rather than weekly. And secretly pray he lowers his fee for me, so i can see him weekly.
I know it wont happen. But one can wish.
 
Is your T in practice by herself? If she has some control over the situation, she might be able to get herself IN network. I had an insurance issue come up & my T was willing to try do that. It can be a pain and it might not work, but it might be worth talking about.
 
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