Childhood Can being spanked or beaten with a belt as a child cause problems in adulthood

[klohwee]

When you say bpd do you mean borderline or bipolar?

Bpd is borderline. Is it very possible that you could have it, it is closely linked to childhood trauma and it would explain your anger. I would bring it up to your therapist. Being diagnosed was a relief to me, I finally had an explanation for the crazy shit I did.

I don't want to hear that I deserved it even though I feel that way and I don't want people to feel sorry for me either.

I feel this. Sometimes my grandma used to tell me about some of the beatings I got when I was 2/3. She said I was a huge brat and that it's a good thing my mom and dad beat it out of me. I really hated when she did that, it was like she was trying to make me feel guilty for stuff I did as a toddler. On the other hand I hate when I tell people about my childhood and they react with pity. I don't want to be pitied I just want to be understood.

Also on top of that I don't remember much of my childhood at all, but I'm really confused on how I began to sexualize spanking at such an early age and blame it on my parents making me strip naked waist down and my temperament maybe? I know it's a common way people do it but it left me humiliated and highly self conscious. I now switch from feeling like I need to cover up, even with clothes on I feel like everyone's starting at me and my bum, etc. And then go into a mode where I don't care and show everything.

Memory loss is very common abuse victims. Our brains try to protect us by repressing traumatic memories. These memories get stored in our subconscious mind so you can still get triggered by things even if you don't remember. The body remembers everything. There are huge chunks of my childhood that I have no memory of. It's extremely frustrating because I get flashbacks of like pieces of memories and I have no context of where these memories came from. My mom never stripped me naked but Jon did. It was horrible and violating. I felt like he made me strip on purpose to humiliate me. Personally I think the stripping part is extra cruel. It makes you feel way more vulnerable. It may be common but its f*cked up. I have always been nervous about showing skin. During puberty I stared dressing like a boy and wearing super baggy clothes to hide my figure. The thought of people staring at me made me so nervous. I have gotten better but I still don't like to show skin unless im around my partner.

I'll hear someone clap, my mate takes his belt off at the end of the day, if I'm watching the TV and a parent gets angry at a kid in a closed room, etc. They all make me fight, flight, or freeze.

Someone taking off their belt is a huge trigger for me. I freeze and heart rate goes up. Logically I know they're not going to hit me but my body reacts anyway. People talking back to their mom gives me real bad anxiety because If I talked to my mom I would most definitely get beat. I'm a very jumpy person as well, loud noises and sudden movements will send me into fight or flight made. Yelling is another trigger, I could never win an argument because I just breakdown crying. It's frustrating,

I reenacted it alot as a kid and not just on myself but on my siblings as well (we'd play spanking "games" all the time haha) also I drew pictures of people getting spanked too,

I used to play spanking games with my sister as well, I often look at videos/pictures of people getting spanked. it was the only porn that got me off.
Cp may be banned sometime in the future. There has been multiple studies done on it and they all state that spanking is not helpful. It causes anxiety, depression, aggression and drug use. But just because it's banned doesn't mean people will stop. It does piss me off that it's still socially acceptable to beat small defenseless children.

 

[BohemianPrincess]

Bpd is borderline. Is it very possible that you could have it, it is closely linked to childhood trauma...

First off I'd just like to thank you so much for your responses, your posts have helped me so much. As I was looking over the signs of bpd I noticed I have a high number of them, but self diagnosing isn't the best diagnosis I know. I also worry that can't afford to get diagnosed with it because I fear it might cause more problems than solutions in the future. I'm still looking forward to talking to a therapist this week and if by any chance I do get diagnose then I guess everything will be okay.
The thing that your grandma did is the same thing my parents did and I absolutely hate it, them bringing it up and talking about how bad I was and how I got spanked/whipped alot doesn't help, especially when the stories include me getting spanked for talking back (not arguing just talking..normal kid things) to an older cousin or whipped multiple nights for not going to bed on time. I get what you mean by feeling guilty about things too, I often catch myself repeatedly telling myself that I'm bad in my head (I'm bad, I don't deserve this good thing, I'm worthless, a nothing, etc. I play getting abused in my head) it's weird but kind of gratifying -- feel comfortable doing it. It's more comfortable than me talking up to myself.
The memory thing frustrates me, I can remember bits and pieces but never the whole thing of anything.. I remember one parent spanking me till I threw up, then spanking me again because I threw up haha. The other hit me with a belt till I started wheezing ( I kind of did deserve that one, maybe not that extreme I guess because I hit my sibling).
And I agree I hate being triggered with someone taking off their belt, I try to play it off and keep acting normal but there have been times where I can't even finish a sentence and go into panic mode.. lucky I think my mate has noticed this and doesn't do it anymore.. they just loosens their belt and takes off their pants all together haha.. very nice and considerate.
That's the same with me with baggy clothes, I wore lose shirts and baggy clothes. I was still girly but very very modest. I dressed in the bathroom stall in the locker rooms or in a corner alone, etc. Then there were times where I'd wear crop tops and the shortest shorts I could find.
The games started at least at age 6 or 7, but acting it out on myself was at 5 which I think is so young and weird.. I guess another thing I can bring up with my therapist..
Also spanking porn and pics were the only thing I liked too as a teen/young adult so I guess the acting it out thing didn't really stop it only transferred to me watching others.
I dreamed of meeting a mate to act BDSM on but now I have a huge aversion to it, maybe it's because I know that trauma/childhood pain is the cause. Haha sad I can't even enjoy it anymore. Anyways thank you again for your reply, I know you said this was a throwaways account so I'm not even sure if you'll get this reply but thank you anyways. Your responses have already helped me realize and accept so much about myself and my past and start to heal.

 

[Fadeaway]

I do not believe spanking is ok ever, it is hitting, and is abuse period. Saying that spanking is ok because you turned out fine isn't much different than saying someones trauma isn't bad because it happened to you and you didn't get PTSD from it.

The verse spare the rod spoil the child has been taken out of context for far too long. It doesn't mean you hit the child with it, no where in the bible does it say that.In biblical times, a shepherds rod had a hook on the end to reign in a sheep that was wandering too far. The verse literally means to reign in a child that is wandering to far in his behavior. Basically pull the kid back, not hit!

 

[BohemianPrincess]

I do not believe spanking is ok ever, it is hitting, and is abuse period. Saying that spanking is ok b...

I agree completely, if I ever have kids my mate will have to understand that they aren't allowed to be hit at all, even if they misbehave their are far other things to do than hit them, taking them out of the situation and talking are also very effective and probably builds the child's ability to regulate their emotions in a healthy way and their respect towards you in the future. Also thought that's what it meant! To guide the child not beat them haha, I wish pastors would make that more clear although they're maybe dealing with their own trauma that would explain their interpretation. Once I mentioned that Jesus didn't intend for children to be hit he meant for them to be guided I got alot of arguments and other scriptures that supported their stance. This for example: Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Proverbs 23:13
I couldn't argue with that one haha they got me. But it has been translated over and over to where it probably lost it's true meaning anyways.
I'm done arguing with them.

 

[katz]

I posted something on myptsd a while back that included me mentioning getting belted alot as a child and some pe...

Have you ever wrote a letter to God?? Tell him how angry you are. You can say it in anyway you want - even swearing is ok. He understands. Sometimes it helps to just get it out of you. If you choose to not believe in him, that's ok. But, you certainly don't deserve to have all that anger and hostility in you. It's not doing you any good - get it out. You don't have to show the letter to anyone or you can just throw it out when your done. It's your choice.
I hope you feel better soon.

 

[anonymous]

my father spanked me real hard when I was 7, I am female, he pulled my underwear and jeans down with force and done it in front of relatives who were visiting, it still makes me feel ashamed 27 years on, it was so humiliating and I lost trust in him and hated him after that.

I also want to say I don't believe in god.

 

[BohemianPrincess]

Have you ever wrote a letter to God?? Tell him how angry you are. You can say it in anyway you want - even...

No but I ended up praying to him a couple of days ago to end spiritual abuse in all forms. People twisting scripture for their sinful wants and justifying it by saying it was what he intended.. I released alot of my anger and told him to have patience and help me in forgiveness.

 

[BohemianPrincess]

my father spanked me real hard when I was 7, I am female, he pulled my underwear and jeans down with...

That's so embarrassing and rude.. I don't get how he would expect you to trust him after that one. And that's the only way my dad would spank me and my siblings even though he could've did the same thing while keeping our jeans and underwear on .. it's violating in my opinion.. maybe that's the reason I'm the way I am. not sure what I believe as of now, but thanks for your reply.. at least I know I'm not the only one that was and is still being affected by it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I do not believe spanking is ok ever, it is hitting, and is abuse period. Saying that spanking is ok because you turned out fine isn't much different than saying someones trauma isn't bad because it happened to you and you didn't get PTSD from it.

Thank you! You said what I was too chicken to say! I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER spank (aka hit) any child. And just cause I am not a mother doesn't mean squat. I have been a mother to many children over the years, various ages from infants on up to teenagers, and some for years. Not once did I ever have a reason to spank (aka hit) any of them. Time outs work wonders for the small ones and taking stuff away works wonders for the teenagers. When a teenager is in their room with just a mattress on the floor, one pillow and one blanket, they tend to realize quickly what good behavior is and egarly earn back the stuff they cherish. I see zero reason to lay a hand on a child ever!

 

[Suzetig]

When a teenager is in their room with just a mattress on the floor, one pillow and one blanket, they tend to realize quickly what good behavior is

I'm really sorry but that is as abusive in my view, removing all but the most very basic of provisions is not an acceptable way to discipline anyone.

 

[BohemianPrincess]

I'm really sorry but that is as abusive in my view, removing all but the most very basic of provisions...

I agree, my parents did this as well when I got older and compared to getting hit I appreciated it more, but it still made me feel just as worthless at the time. I think it's sometimes hard to admit things like this are abusive if they happened to you but to others its sometimes easier.

 

[Suzetig]

I do think withdrawing privileges can work very well with young people but by that I mean wifi and games consoles but striping their room bare. Convicted criminals get more than a mattress and a blanket ffs.