Can't take compliments?

[Sweetleaf]

I feel like I can't take compliments. Earlier today when I was waiting in front of my therapist's office, a girl walked by coming out of an appointment with another therapist and then stopped and complimented my hair.

Instead of getting a boost from the compliment, I sat there and thought "is she just saying that to f*ck with me? Is she trying to be mean? Is she just being nice and it's actually shit and she just feels bad for me?" etc etc etc

Anyone else have this problem, where you second-guess and doubt compliments, and have your mind think they're insults in disguise?

 

[Changing4Best]

I feel like someone is trying to butter me up, so as to get something from me when I get them, does that ring any bills with you?

 

[Sweetleaf]

I feel like someone is trying to butter me up, so as to get something from me when I get them, does that ring any bills with you?

Yeah, that happens to me sometimes, too. I will feel like someone is complimenting me to get something out of me or try to manipulate me.

I've had it happen to me for real so much in the past, it's hard not to assume the worst sometimes.

 

[Changing4Best]

Yes, there is someone in my life these days who keeps complimenting me but who continues to be friends with an enemy of mine and is far more friendly with that person than me. I keep having to remind myself of this, because oh does she lay on the compliments when she needs something from me! UGH. I am glad you started this thread. I bet others will have some things to add.

 

[Marinna]

I hear that. For me there are a lot of reasons why compliments are difficult. You touch on the issue of sincerity (how do we know they mean it?).
The more pressing problem for me is the fact that I really enjoy compliments. I'm scared that this will 'show' and the other person will think badly of me and think that I am big headed etc

I also have this thing where I'm afraid that I will be displaying 'false modesty' if I shut down a compliment.

What happens? I awkwardly stuff down any reaction, say thank you and change the topic. I also compliment them back sometimes.

It's annoying as compliments are lovely gifts we should be able to enjoy. I hope you find a way to enjoy yours.

 

[Sweetleaf]

@Marinna That makes sense, I also have problems being afraid of how people perceive my reactions. Sometimes a lot of the worrying is done in retrospect, worrying about if my reaction was okay. I guess this kind of goes for a whole lot of different social interactions.

When people talk to me in public it often takes me by surprise, and so my reaction is delayed. The surprise kind of throws me off, and then my response to being spoken to is kind of oddly said sometimes.

I constantly feel like everyone is going to be mean and judgemental towards me, when I'm in public.

 

[Overcoming]

I get it. I have trouble believing people are sincere. Then, when complimented, I sometimes point out a flaw in myself. It's uncomfortable for me

 

[EveHarrington]

.....practice.....

No matter what the compliment, smile and say “thank you!”

If someone is messing with you?

That’s on them!

 

[Sideways]

I used to go home and SH if I received a genuine and meaningful compliment. I had self-loathing off the charts, and compliments were so contradictory to that that they’d be overwhelming and SHing set things back to the way they should be, with me being treated like rubbish.

Gradually, with practice, I started to be able to just accept them. I respect other peoples right to havs their own opinion. I don’t need to agree with them, there doesn’t need to be any conditions attached to it. It was helpful to me to simply practice acknowledging the compliment: Thank you for saying that.

It’s been helpful enough that I don’t need to SH to even the scales when I receive compliments any more. That’s progress.

 

[Mach123]

I was at a meeting once and I was new and quite young still in my 20's and this really hot girl came up to me and was laying all this stuff on me about how great I was and how life was going to be great and I was so wonderful and blah blah and a guy was standing there with us looking at me and he says "you better stop that he's going to faint, tell him he's an A hole, that's what he's used to." That was it exactly. I was about to faint. Later on in therapy, we were trying to go through Ellen Bass' workbook and we came to a self affirmation part and I just couldn't do it. It was like the opposite ends of the magnet. I put the book down and never picked it up again. That was a few years back. It's still weird. I have several workarounds though that help. It's a constant mental struggle not to put my negative feelings on me.