I was told that i’m narcissistic because i have ptsd

[EveHarrington]

So yeah....

I recently opened up to someone new about my PTSD. He responded that the disorder essentially made me narcissistic, even if that wasn’t my personality to begin with.

Say what?

When I responded in disagreement to being narcissistic, he told me that I misunderstood.

Ahhh, no. I didn’t misunderstand. My PTSD doesn’t make me narcissistic. What it does do is make me require a higher level of self care in order to stay healthy. To the untrained eye, it could possibly be interpreted as narcissism, but the reality is that it’s not.

Narcissism is defined as extreme selfishness. Taking care of ones needs is never selfish. Ever. Note....I said “needs”, not “wants”....Import distinction. I mean, would anyone ever say “Susie is so selfish! How dare she go to chemo and miss our weekly brunch!” No.

I know I’m not narcissistic because when I’m asymptotic, nobody would ever think of describing me as a selfish person. I do think about others and care about others.

Again, my needs will always trump others wants!

I guess what irritates me is that taking care of mental health needs is oftentimes seen as selfish, but it seems like this isn’t as much the case with physical health needs. I just wish that people could understand.

Also, it gets quite annoying that such an extreme term, narcissism, has been popularized to the point where it’s in vogue, and everyone uses it to describe any act that isn’t completely selfless. Oh, you want to take care of yourself? You’re so narcissistic!

I can’t even simply be called “selfish”.....no, I have to be called narcissistic (extremely selfish). And again, this was from someone I’d only known about a month. (How would he even know?!?! LOL.)

And don’t even get me started on narcissistic personality disorder. We are compared to that? Not. Even. Close.

Blah.

Feedback? Similar experiences?

I don’t want this to become a sufferer VS supporter debate so I’m respectfully asking for sufferer responses only.

Thank you!

 

[frogthroat]

I think when you're obsessed with something traumatic and you get stuck there it does seem narcissistic to people who don't understand. They just don't know it's like being in the 7th level of hell. They don't understand all the guilt, shame, and sadness that comes from being stuck in events that happened ages ago. You know you should be able to move on. You want all the things normal people have but you're stuck in a horrible place and you can't get out. You also know your symptomatic thoughts are distorted. That's definitely different then a narcissist.

 

[Still Standing]

Uhhh, yeh, that is a joke and a prime example of ignorance! Narcissistic. Give me a break. The guy has no knowledge or understanding about PTSD. He is free throwing terms around with his own creative definitions. His remarks are about as intelligent as someone who believes because he can see the edge of a horizon, the earth is flat. Hrumph!:cautious::shifty:

 

[Friday]

It’s an extremely selfish disorder, IMO.

 

[Freida]

Say it was nice to meet ya...and then move along. This is not a person you need in your life. PTSD is hard enough to deal with without having people second guess and criticize what you are doing and why!

 

[bellbird]

I mean, would anyone ever say “Susie is so selfish! How dare she go to chemo and miss our weekly brunch!” No.

This for me really hit the nail on the head. I feel that self care of mental health can be very easily/quickly classed as a negative by some (definitely not all) people, whereas they would never be so quick to class self-care of physical health as a negative.
Also such people can easily come up with quick fix answers for mental-based illnesses- "oh you have an eating disorder that you're using as a coping mechanism for all the other crap that's going on? you just need to eat more and it'll totally cure your eating disorder!" gee.. why didn't i think of that myself!? silly me.
It's frustrating and I totally empathise with you for attempting to open up to someone and getting a response like that. Like @Freida said, you don't need that person in your life.

 

[anonymous]

Did you ask him about his prior experiences with PTSD and/or what lead him to believe this? Did you spend any time getting to know him better as to why he believes what he does? Or did you focus on defending you?

 

[Justmehere]

^^^ last post was by me. Accidentally touched anonymous button before hitting post. (Argh)

 

[Gs172003]

It is selfish as @Friday said. I can't give to my husband anywhere near what he gives to me. I simply can't. It's silly to call it narcissim because it isn't but it is very self centered.

 

[EveHarrington]

Did you ask him about his prior experiences with PTSD and/or what lead him to believe this? Did you s...

No prior experience with PTSD.

Yes, I tried to understand him. He was steadfast in his beliefs, along with pitying me and trying to tell me what to do so I could change and be “whole” again.

Not my job to change someone who thinks I’m broken and that far gone.

He’s yet another codependent fixer who tries to make everything ok. Yes, he had a history of codependency.

 

[Justmehere]

Ugh. No experience with PTSD but he’s got you completely figured out.... I’d find that annoying.

PTSD is about the fight or flight response getting stuck. It’s inherently protective of the self. Self care is needed, just like someone with diabetes or cancer, but it’s more than that. Part of recovery is beginning to recognize and work out when to protect self and when not to protect self.

Codependency is selfish as well. It is an attempt to regulate others in order to regulate self.

Perhaps this guy means well, perhaps not. Sounds like he is pretty anxious about you not being ok. Perhaps a moment of compassion for his struggle might be warranted. I say to folks that try to fix me, “Thanks for the care and concern. I’m not in need of advice. I find it more helpful to instead just be my friend.”

In your case, you could tell him it’s more helpful to skip the unasked for diagnostic evals too.

 

[Mach123]

I read what a narcissist was and it did seem a lot like me. I asked the therapist and she said no, but the different personalities and sexuality make it look like that. She said it wasn't though. I believe her.