Catastrophizing

[Sweetpea76]

Yep... I sure could. We could also go get help filling out the paperwork. We could go to several organizations and get help as well. He also has a social worker.

Guess how many of those things he has told me not to do?

I'm respecting his wishes because I wouldn't violate his trust like that. But damn, it's hard when it comes to stuff like this.

 

[Ronin]

Can he pick who he thinks IS professional in any of those (they are morons) groups?

As in, alright alright dearheart, they may well be, but since you have another idea of how to go around things, you get to pick who we deal with, and we will roll from there, but the plain dismissal of everyone just will not fly? Since you said he is reasonable usually, a.k.a. it is not just wanting to blame people while solving nothing that would be persistent.

Or, can he point out what concretely sucks about those people and organizations (surely that one to ten point bullshit can be done twenty other things about)?

 

[Abstract]

I have to say that pressure or any hint of disapproval for me personally in a situation like that freezes me up more. To my shame. What often is more likely to help is distraction with something else where I can feel effective. Its like that area there has turned to concrete. Lets do a little movement here - oh you aren't totally made of stone and ineffective. Then a little surreptitious slipping in of one tiny part of the concrete block and sometimes the rest starts opening up. I often have to play tricks on myself in that way as realised when I did my natural approach : " get a freaking move on you idiot" , it didn't seem to work. But I am not always terribly "normal" so hopefully he can be moved with less complex actions.

I am my supporter so have to manage me. ;)

 

[scout86]

Ewww! I totally get that feeling.

"What to do?" is another matter. Personally, I'd be delighted to be rescued in that situation. But, since that has never happened, and isn't likely, I usually just avoid everything, don't respond to anything, and figure I deserve consequences, how ever and when ever show up. Which they, eventually, do.

I wonder why he doesn't just let you do the paperwork?

 

[Abstract]

Please please please someone do my paperwork for me! ?

 

[Sweetpea76]

I wish he would! I would happy do it for him.

I think maybe because he's been on an upswing lately he's considering this a setback. He's also beating himself up more about little things lately. He's thinking he's putting me out or using me because he's helpless, hopeless, blah blah blah.

Meanwhile, I consider us a team, and doing little things like this is basically just me pulling for the team. He helps me do things allll the time. It's not putting me out or stressing me out at all. I've tried pointing this out to him, but he's stuck in his mindset.

 

[Abstract]

i totally understand that mode of thinking. Get very ashamed when others have to pick up the pieces around me a lot. And somehow being more functional ups my expectations of myself very quickly. Noone begging me to let them do those tasks though. More a case of the walls falling down and others feeling compelled to pick them up as a result.

 

[Pippi427]

The VA are morons, the doctors are morons, nobody knows what's really going on but him, etc. Paperwork is pointless, veteran's groups shouldn't be doing the VAs job for them so he refuses to use them, etc.

--as an aside from this thread @Sweetpea76 ...maybe that's what's wrong with my Sufferer. He RAN a freaking VA clinic. ??

 

[shimmerz]

Does anyone have a name for this?

Double Bind. This type of dynamic being played out when kids are young manifests in later life as freezing in my experience. Because no matter what you do it is wrong and wrong means certain death or maiming.

Which may be why your husband is frozen in this right now Sweetpea. I used to get hung up on writing my address on forms. Because I had none. So it stopped me dead in my tracks and at the beginning I would literally pass out on the floor in an instant when presented with a form that required an address. Oh wait! All forms require addresses.

So Sweetpea, is there a double bind in that form? A reason that he may feel that no matter how he fills it out it will screw him somehow?

 

[scout86]

A reason that he may feel that no matter how he fills it out it will screw him somehow?

I don't know about him, of course. The reason I have trouble filling out forms is I'm SURE I'm going to miss something, misunderstand something, or, generally, do something "wrong". If the form seems simple, it must be a trick. (Except that I DO get that's just my brain, doing weird stuff, most of the time. When you're dealing with the government though.....)

 

[shimmerz]

Almost everyone one I know with PTSD can't do forms. Especially when they are high stakes forms. Which most of them are.

 

[LuckiLee]

J will eventually let me help. He'll struggle and complain till the last minute then we end up doing it together. He has a difficult time reading and comprehending things so I'll read the questions (multiple times) until he understands it. It's never easy and can stress me out too so I have to stay calm and level headed or that fargin stress cup will spill all over the place. I hope he accepts your help....eventually.