Relationship SHE MESSAGED ME! Need advice ASAP

[blackemerald1]

I didn't suggest you were a fool either.
Misguided and a little love-struck maybe but not a fool. That's a little harsh I think.
I fully support @Freida's response.^^

 

[solemn93]

Or you may have moved on and she will be nothing but a memory.

I'm the type that still feels strongly for every woman I've been with, love doesn't fade for me. Dunno if that's a curse or a blessing. Have an ex whos the same way, we're closer than family now.

Anyway, in regards to this girl, I've now been shut out for as long as we were together. I feel like I triggered her somehow, the way she got so emotional when she shut me out. I had an anxiety attack driving home from her place that day. She was really passionately into me, such that she's even now holding onto the hope that she'll feel better. I don't know if this numbness or pressure or whatever it is can be permanent. I would take her back some day when shes able, I believe in second chances, especially when no mistakes were made. Right person, wrong time. Too soon since she was re-traumatized.

I had a phobia of intimacy due to being molested, this girl helped me overcome that and took my virginity in my mid-20s lol. I had never felt so wanted before in my life. She'll always have a place in my heart.

 

[blackemerald1]

She could feel better tomorrow for all I know.

^^Yes true - and will she be the same person that you have fallen for? Maybe but maybe not too.
People do not change that much! Not sustainably anyway.

If she starts to feel better will she even view you the same way?

Such a gamble on your own time and life.

Right person, wrong time

^^If you truly believe this then you will be able to meet someone new with a clear slate and not keep looking backwards.

 

[solemn93]

I don't see it as a gamble or looking backwards. I feel empathy for the hell shes going through, its not all about me. If she decides shes best off alone then I'll be okay with that in time, when you love someone, you want what's best for them.

The door will stay open, but I am living my life. She sees on social media that I'm having good times with my friends and taking care of myself. I'm taking it slow with some casual dates and keeping my options open.

 

[solemn93]

will she even view you the same way?

I was the only person she could hold daily back and forth conversations with, not even her best friends could do that. I don't think that will ever be the same, but a part of me is hopeful.

 

[B0103mcus]

I don't see it as a gamble or looking backwards. I feel empathy for the hell shes going through, its not all about me. If she decides shes best off alone then I'll be okay with that in time, when you love someone, you want what's best for them.

The door will stay open, but I am living my life. She sees on social media that I'm having good times with my friends and taking care of myself. I'm taking it slow with some casual dates and keeping my options open.

I've been following your post. How long were you two together? It's good you are willing to keep the door open. Honestly, she may or may not be looking at your social media and if she is triggered/isolating/depressed, social media is probably the last thing she is looking at. When it comes to mental illness (from one that has worked hard on her own recovery, a practitioner, and a supporter) the last thing I or people I have encountered, wont give two thoughts to looking at social media. You are literally in survival mode. Everything shuts down, you go into protective bubble mode, and the basic necessities for life are carried out in a superficial manner. I myself become impulsive when anxious when I feel I need to "fix" a situation or protect my sufferer which has only caused his isolation to extend. I have been with mine for three years. First isolation was a month and half and had been brewing for several months. Second isolation, we are pushing a month (a little convo but pretty much him telling me it's too much right now) and this had been brewing for two months and "we" may not end up together. Hell we have been through some heavy stuff over a short course of time and a lot of loyalty, devotion, and commitment on my end and his. I know for me right now I'm trying to figure out if I can continue if he comes back and as much as I'm trying to focus on me and my life and be around friends, I know that I'm not ready to date at all. That is not because I'm holding out but because I have to heal from this whether we move forward or we dont. I know for myself that in order for me to be healthy for me and for him if he comes back I need to heal and grow during this time. If you have read some of my other posts you can tell my frantic confusion, screw ups, and anxiety ridden please give me answers, but what has helped me to reach this current state and calm the hell down and let it ride is the veteran members on here from both sides. You can love someone, but it doesn't mean you have to be with them to love them. Maybe try to look at it as or even tell her that no matter what you love her and if she ever needs anything that she can reach out. That is what I had to do and leave it at that because say years down the road he reached out I'd still help him because I will always have love for him and he is a human being I had a connection with and didnt deserve to struggle with what he has. Find your inner self and peace, this is a life lesson that will help you grow within yourself and maybe with or for her.

 

[solemn93]

From everything I've read on this site, a relationship with untreated PTSD doesn't ever seem to work... it's so sad. I hope she finds happiness someday, somehow. I miss her, but there's nothing I can do right now ?

 

[EveHarrington]

From everything I've read on this site, a relationship with untreated PTSD doesn't ever seem to work... it's so sad. I hope she finds happiness someday, somehow. I miss her, but there's nothing I can do right now ?

We (here, on the forum) tend to be skewed towards the more severe end of the disorder, so in this population you may be right, although we aren’t representative of the ptsd population as a whole because less severe sufferers/supporters of such sufferers tend to not seek out help in an online forum such as this as symptoms are much more manageable. (IMHO).

 

[solemn93]

We (here, on the forum) tend to be skewed towards the more severe end of the disorder, so in this population you may be right, although we aren’t representative of the ptsd population as a whole because less severe sufferers/supporters of such sufferers tend to not seek out help in an online forum such as this as symptoms are much more manageable. (IMHO).

I feel like her disorder must be quite severe, to shut me out for this long. I don't know if I'll ever be a safe person to her again, and it makes me feel like an awful person. I guess I need to take a break from the internet and everything else, focus on my mental health and my ruminating/catastrophizing issues. Thanks for the support everyone

 

[blackemerald1]

love doesn't fade for me. Dunno if that's a curse or a blessing.

It seems it's a curse in this instance.

 

[solemn93]

It seems it's a curse in this instance.

Thanks..... ? it seems some of you are determined to make me feel even worse
I wish I hadn't fallen for her, believe me. If it had been an official break up I could deal...

 

[EveHarrington]

I feel like her disorder must be quite severe, to shut me out for this long.

Not necessarily so.

She just may not want to deal with your inability to respect her boundaries.

At this point you’ve been apart from her for approximately twice as long as you were “with” her, which was only two months to begin with. I’m not trying to be rude, but it’s time to move on. You’re holding on to someone you really didn’t know that well, and it’s causing you a lot of pain. I’m guessing you jumped into this one too fast which is why it hurts so much right now.

The thing about relationships is that everyone wants this magical thing called “closure” from the other person, but you oftentimes don’t get it. Relationship breakups are almost never perfect. The best thing you can do for yourself is to let go.