Is he being childish or is it a PTSD thing?

[Be Braver]

So my fiancé and I have had multiple conversations about a very annoying thing he does. Basically every time I am getting changed into different clothes and he is around he has to comment. Not in a threatening way, but basically just like you would expect a teenage boy to react. Sometimes I just don't want to hear a stupid comment or a "OooOoooo" so I get changed in the bathroom or turn away from him. He doesn't understand why it bothers me so much, and I don't know how to put it into words. Like I don't feel objectified but that is the closest I can think of? Like it's just a f**king body dude, get over it! I just want to put on my pajamas without hearing a stupid comment, or having to go into a separate room, or feel like I'm being oogled at! I thought after a while he would get over it.... but that doesn't seem to be happening, and the conversations only last for so long because he doesn't understand why it bother's me and I don't know how to put it into words other than it's immature, and I don't want to feel like a zoo animal being stared at. It is literally every. single. time. and not in a romantic way, which I don't think would bother me as much, but just in a teenage-boy-seeing-a-human-body-for-the-first-time way. He thinks I'm just over sensitive because of my trauma. Is it me? Would other people think this is flattering? or is he being really immature? If it wasn't CONSTANT If it's him, how can I help him understand that it is incredibly annoying and something else I can't quite put my finger on....

 

[Muttly]

First of all, even if it is just you that would be bothered with that, the important point is that it DOES bother you. What you feel matters and he should respect that. Think about it in reverse. If there was something you said to your fiancee that bothered him, would you respect that? If you didn't really understand why it bothered him, but you knew it did, would you keep saying it? Or would you be concerned about his feelings without needing him to justify it?

Next, it would bother me and I suspect there are many other people it would bother. Are you sure you don't feel objectified? I'm not saying you do, I'm not inside your head. The reason I ask, is because when I've been in similar experiences (I have), I've discounted things because I didn't want to admit how I truly felt and/or I didn't feel like what I was experiencing was bad enough to justify the term.

What would happen if you told him that while you can't make him understand why it bothers you, it does and you would like him to respect that?

 

[EveHarrington]

Your boyfriend doesn’t respect you enough to treat you better than a slab of meat.

Sorry to say, but yeah....

Why would you want to be with anyone who treats you like less than a queen?

It doesn’t matter what the issue is, if it bothers you, a caring and loving partner will say omg I’m so sorry I am hurting you, I’ll stop!

I’m guessing he’s immature, possibly young? Sometimes guys need to mature before they learn how to treat women, other times they never do.

I’d stop changing in front of him. I’d stop taking my clothes off for sex, and stop having sex altogether.

Maybe he’ll wise up and mature. Maybe.

 

[grit]

OMG!
I do this and my husband calls me announcer or narrator or broken record. I finally realized it is form of anxiety dashed with immaturity or getting stuck 1.5 yrs old when I learned the language or something. We laugh so hard about it but I am good in the morning now and do not comment! I am conscious of it now but after almost 6yrs of being together. The poor guy, my husband. Truly a hero to put up with that.

You can make comment about how it bothers you when he is not doing and he is in certain mood for reflection...hope that helps but for me for sure it is a symptom of my PTSD. I am so safe and comfortable at home, my motor mouth just goes on and on and on.

 

[Be Braver]

I've discounted things because I didn't want to admit how I truly felt and/or I didn't feel like what I was experiencing was bad enough to justify the term.

I certainly don't feel like it is bad enough to justify the term, but you may be right that it still is objectification. He means it only in a playful way, but intentions don't negate the feeling. We talked some more, and I think we got to the root of the issue for him!

 

[Lithan]

I think the issue is really that he's doing something over and over that you've told him upsets you. He's okay with upsetting you in this context, for some reason. I don't understand why unless it's that he's establishing that he won't change any part of his behavior in your relationship for any reason, including your comfort.

I'd suggest looking honestly at whether this is a larger pattern in your relationship. See a counselor if necessary. But if he's not even making an effort, that's a huge problem, and I wouldn't suggest proceeding with a wedding until it's been resolved for a while.

 

[katz]

OMG ! My husband does that too. He says that "it's just a guy thing". He also makes it a point to mumble under his breath as he walks away. Which makes me feel guilty.