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How to want to live when you actually want to hide ?
I am not sure if this is useful and I know about it and so often forget to do it for myself but I am thinking about using the tool of Self Compassion Break. One time when I was really upset recently I remembered to use it, which was a big change for me. This is a website that I like for Self-Compassion

How is the hiding a good thing? Is it protective of yourself? I have been watching the David Burns' podcasts and he talks about how what is process and outcome resistance shows what is good about you and how it shows your values and ethics. It's a really new concept to me but I feel good to reframe what I think is bad about me the PTSD, ruminations and other symptoms - as showing how I really care about my family - so I can honour my commitment to my family (whilst not seeing them as they are not safe to be around) I may not be explaining it well as I am just learning it. I am listening to these podcasts. List of Feeling Good Podcasts | Feeling Good

If neither of these is useful please just ignore them - they are what I aspire to in the case of the Self Compassion - and I am erratic in my practice of it and what I am immersing myself in in terms of the David Burns podcasts, books, courses etc. I can see a way through for myself now.

I have however spent a lot of time hiding during my life when I didn't have skills to keep myself safe. I hide under the pillow/doona unfortunately. I lived in a housing department block, which was very unsafe. I also didn't have good judgement skills with people who were unsafe. I now live in a safe place with a safe partner, so now I need to take the next steps.
 
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Ah... Thanks! That was sweet! 😃Between dealing with the Covid19 current news and my job that's going to hell, I've been disassociated more than I like
That's horrible, sorry to hear that. Covid certainly puts that added level of pressure on everything that's definitely not needed. I hope you're hanging in there.
 
I slept late this morning, now I feel kind of blah. Working late is robbing me of me time and Sleep. I kind of make my own schedule these days, but I've been catering it to my client's needs instead of being kind to myself. I'm not even thinking of myself when I'm there.

I don't have an invitation for Thanksgiving yet, but I do have a Polish Sausage made from turkey, so I will be OK either way.
 
It's cold so I've put the heating on. I want to be snug and warm. I've got food in the fridge but I seem unable to actually even do that. I might order Indian takeaway just to treat myself. I get food dysregulation and don't eat properly. I think it comes from stress, (hyper vigilance and paranoia). Anyhow. I can now feel the heat coming off my radiator. Nice!!
 
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