Hey guys, I'm currently in treatment but feeling really undecided on how to proceed so thought maybe someone could give me some outside perspective on this one.
Basically, I've been in therapy for PTSD for a year now. At the start the working relationship with my therapist was good, we focused on EMDR and I improved, which was great and I'm still happy with. Then after a couple of months we quit EMDR and started working on other treatment goals I had (unrelated to trauma) and things went downhill fast.
Basically, the more we talked about my personally issues (unrelated to the trauma) the more anxious I became and the worse I started feeling about the therapy. I got really clingy as a consequence (yeah I know), what started as a safe place with her transformed into a place where I became really insecure about what my therapist was thinking, also because of some off-hand comments she made which just made me feel more paranoid. I still am insecure about this and feel like I have no grasp on what's going on in her mind. The fact that she's a woman and I'm a guy and we're literally the same age doesn't exactly factor into this positively either (also makes me feel just worse about being clingy and insecure).
I've already tried to address this, but in response she basically conveys that her only concern is how to help me. I know she's a therapist and we're not supposed to be friends-friends, but I also feel a bit stonewalled feeling really bad about how clingy I've behaved and only getting her professional considerations in return. It's not that I don't understand, it's just that it makes me feel very insecure because I still have no idea what she may think of me or not. Also, it doesn't help that she read a lot of documentation on previous treatment I had 5 years ago (yeah great decision that was letting her have that, feel whatever was written there doesn't apply to me anymore) which just makes me feel scared her opinion about me is warped beyond how I feel about myself currently.
Right now I'm 50/50 on just leaving the therapy and saying "thanks for everything but I'll be moving on" or alternatively trying to talk it out but I don't really have a clear idea how. I really need EMDR badly again now which is the whole complicating factor in this thing, but I can't do EMDR feeling so insecure opposite her. I'm also really nervous around a lot of people which doesn't work in my favor because I have difficulty articulating my thoughts (which is kinda important when it comes to stuff like this). So yeah, any thoughts, comments, are appreciated.
Basically, I've been in therapy for PTSD for a year now. At the start the working relationship with my therapist was good, we focused on EMDR and I improved, which was great and I'm still happy with. Then after a couple of months we quit EMDR and started working on other treatment goals I had (unrelated to trauma) and things went downhill fast.
Basically, the more we talked about my personally issues (unrelated to the trauma) the more anxious I became and the worse I started feeling about the therapy. I got really clingy as a consequence (yeah I know), what started as a safe place with her transformed into a place where I became really insecure about what my therapist was thinking, also because of some off-hand comments she made which just made me feel more paranoid. I still am insecure about this and feel like I have no grasp on what's going on in her mind. The fact that she's a woman and I'm a guy and we're literally the same age doesn't exactly factor into this positively either (also makes me feel just worse about being clingy and insecure).
I've already tried to address this, but in response she basically conveys that her only concern is how to help me. I know she's a therapist and we're not supposed to be friends-friends, but I also feel a bit stonewalled feeling really bad about how clingy I've behaved and only getting her professional considerations in return. It's not that I don't understand, it's just that it makes me feel very insecure because I still have no idea what she may think of me or not. Also, it doesn't help that she read a lot of documentation on previous treatment I had 5 years ago (yeah great decision that was letting her have that, feel whatever was written there doesn't apply to me anymore) which just makes me feel scared her opinion about me is warped beyond how I feel about myself currently.
Right now I'm 50/50 on just leaving the therapy and saying "thanks for everything but I'll be moving on" or alternatively trying to talk it out but I don't really have a clear idea how. I really need EMDR badly again now which is the whole complicating factor in this thing, but I can't do EMDR feeling so insecure opposite her. I'm also really nervous around a lot of people which doesn't work in my favor because I have difficulty articulating my thoughts (which is kinda important when it comes to stuff like this). So yeah, any thoughts, comments, are appreciated.