I’m pathetic. It wasn’t that bad…

[barefoot]

Several years of therapy and I still return to these default statements time and time again:

- I’m pathetic - I should be over this by now

- It wasn’t even that bad

- I’m probably making it up/exaggerating/attention-seeking

- And that’s pathetic. And manipulative

Anyone else the same?

Anyone else manage to not frequently fall back on these kinds of thoughts/beliefs anymore? What helped you to do this/how did you do this?

 

[Movingforward10]

On. A. Loop. In. My. Head.

I feel like I'm stalking your threads @barefoot . Sorry.
Just relate.

Awareness, kindness, understanding where that message comes from and saying no to it, counter messaging it. I think those are the ways I've been working through it. Some days are easier than others with managing that

 

[internal]

every once in a while i start to chip away at things until it forms a logical sense in my mind. everything is where it should be: i was a kid. i had no agency. i was forced. everyone around me was bigger and stronger. they were responsible. i was disabled and given a chronic illness. he went to prison. it was all real. it happened. i have literal proof.

and then all of a sudden i'll be like jk, lol! it was all fine! i'm actually insane. and my entire reality is made up. and i'm actually in a hospital somewhere/in a coma/in hell! and it seems the more solid i get in my understanding of logic, the more drastic this split is. like the second i actually understand what's going on it all seems to fall away until nothing makes sense anymore.

if i had to guess, it's protective. if it wasn't that bad, then... it wasn't that bad. it wasn't actually as harmful as it was. these kinds of believes and distortions do serve a purpose: they protect us. because it would be, ultimately, better if we were being dramatic or making it up because then it wouldn't have actually happened/or as badly as we may think it did.

 

[Survivor3]

I have to be honest. I never feel like that. For me the past was that bad and I don't feel I'm being over dramatic. Sometimes I have glimpses of "forget about it, pretend your ok" but it doesn't last long.

 

[Mee]

Slightly - I relate because I had a life long habit of minimising by saying ‘others have far worse - aren’t I lucky that ‘x’’. While that is still healthy to a degree imo the imbalance isn’t.

 

[Waterbear]

I often come back to this. It seemed to be less and less though as I heard my therapists voice more. It's so hard.

 

[Skywatcher]

I tend to fall into: there is so much worse it could have been. I’m exaggerating. My system is just too sensitive. This stuff didn’t matter much or stick out until my hormones went bonkers. It didn’t happen.

 

[barefoot]

Sorry – I posted this and then ran away and hid from it for a few days!

I feel like I'm stalking your threads @barefoot . Sorry.

Ha! No problem! I often relate to your posts too, and find your insights useful, so feel free to stalk away :)

Awareness, kindness, understanding where that message comes from and saying no to it, counter messaging it.

Reading this, it all sounds very obvious (I don't mean that rudely!) – but I realise I don't really do them. I think the countering it is something I don't do as much as I could/should. When I get into these default beliefs, they tend to take over and there is nothing else. Which must mean that I let them take over – by not challenging them and offering a counter perspective...

it seems the more solid i get in my understanding of logic, the more drastic this split is. like the second i actually understand what's going on it all seems to fall away until nothing makes sense anymore.

Yes!

if i had to guess, it's protective. if it wasn't that bad, then... it wasn't that bad.

Yes, I agree...and then find that a voice immediately chips in to finish with: 'but, honestly...it really wasn't that bad!')

I had a life long habit of minimising by saying ‘others have far worse

Yes, I do the comparative/minimising thing too. Can always find examples where people have it far worse and where my things could have been so much worse...

It seemed to be less and less though as I heard my therapists voice more

Good that this is effective for you and reducing these kinds of thoughts. I do sometimes think of things my T has said....sometimes I find that comforting, other times it just makes me feel annoyed with her!

there is so much worse it could have been. I’m exaggerating. My system is just too sensitive.

Yep...the exaggerating thing is big for me. It's sometimes caught up with a 'I'm attention seeking' thought. Even though I haven't told many people about this, ever (I spent 25 years or so telling no one!) so I'm not sure who I think I'm seeking attention from?!

 

[StillPen]

@barefoot, Same. Same. Same. Until, I dissociate for 2.5 hours while trying to work, sitting there frozen still, stuck inside my head, my parts talking to me all at once. From the outside it just looks like I'm starring into space. When I come out of it, I am quickly able to say, yup, it must have been that bad... normal people don't do this, hell, I never used to do this. Mind you, a lot of my non-functional behaviors like that started around menopause and at the same time I had my first emotional collapse, so I get stuck blaming it on that, too. I think "my abuse wasn't bad enough to cause all this, this is because of menopause". My T says it is common for women to function all through their adult life and then all the past childhood abuse comes back at them during 'the change of life'. And, she tells me over and over, yes, it was bad enough...one of the events could have caused your dx, you had a life full of events. It helps me re-group, if you will because I have defaulted back to those belief statements repeatedly since 2017.

 

[StillPen]

I tend to fall into: there is so much worse it could have been. I’m exaggerating. My system is just too sensitive. This stuff didn’t matter much or stick out until my hormones went bonkers. It didn’t happen.

@Skywatcher, me too. For many, many years I would hear others' stories who were much worse than mine and think 'mine wasn't that bad, I'm overreacting, I need to just get over it and let it go!' I've had too many family members validate that it did, in fact, happen to fall back to the "it didn't happen" line of thinking.

 

[Mach123]

I got over this because I realized I’d lived through a horror movie, that because of this I saw life around me as a horror movie. I didn’t have the natural defenses against the little things that normal people have and so the little things put me i it fight or flight or freeze mode so,I because a recluse . All that being said I still have people pushing me even the therapist. You know I should be a better man, who shouldn’t?

But I can’t tell them what happened and it’s mostly for their own sake. If I didn’t have a family I would isolate in earnest. I still have to maintain some kind of persona in my current iteration.

We all know of things that go on and we don’t want to hear about it . Like prison. We know sorta the kinds of things that go on in prisons but the squeamish details most of us would rather not think about it and just pray it never happens to us.

That’s what my childhood was like. So yes, it was a long time ago and sure, I wish I could function better but too bad, I can’t. I’m not happy about it. I feel fortunate I found a way. Lots of people with trauma never get this far.

People have gone out of their way to help me and I got a lot of help and my family stayed together. I’d like to find a way to give back if I could.

Its human nature though and people are just like that. I’ve felt like that a lot at different times . I hope you feel better .

 

[Waterbear]

Yep...the exaggerating thing is big for me. It's sometimes caught up with a 'I'm attention seeking' thought. Even though I haven't told many people about this, ever (I spent 25 years or so telling no one!) so I'm not sure who I think I'm seeking attention from?!

Wow! Thank you for this... I do everything I can to hide it from people. To "shut up and get on with life", yet still I hear this voice. Interesting stuff.