What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

[Tinyflame]

Well, my friend did ask me out, and said he didn't stay because he was trying to get home and cut the grass before it rained. Which may or may not be true, but I don't care either way. It may even be true we both were avoiding, for all I know, but I also don't care, either way. My phone battery died which was providential, anyway.

Found out our turns are up for being shadowed at work, have to mentor tomorrow. Hope my hips don't fall out before then, lol.

 

[Tinyflame]

I probably shouldn't bother writing this, but I was thinking, the words that escaped me as to what is lacking often (JMHO though) caring for children, our own or others, is just remembering what it's like to be a child, what it feels like. We are so worried about modeling and teaching and molding, we caan forget what it feels like for them. It's the same with dementia, to remember what it feels like to be a child, yet juxtaposed against the memory and expectation of being treated as a fully capable, self-autonomous functioning adult (which unfortunately they can't be). But the same fears and needs for safety, security, support, stability, etc, are there.

And I was thinking of giving away for years, years ago, toys to the poorest of the poor, such abuse and suffering. A woman once said to my sister, "You should get them underwear". She answered (but didn't share with her), "She should get them underwear, if she feels so inclined. Because on Christmas morning a kid running around with a new toy all theirs and having fun won't care less what their underwear looks like!" Bingo.

 

[Tinyflame]

I was thinking, I've acknowledged and pray(ed) for other's loved ones' after they died, even if not recently, but the same was not acknowledged or returned. That makes me sad, for my loved ones and it makes me sad. It was more important to me than someone doing it for my own death. I feel they didn't care, at all. That is actually for lack of any term?, an emotional deal-breaker/ heart-breaker, for me. Not just the lack of care, or loyalty, if that even applies (not really, cann't find the words- ~basic carre), but because it was most important to me, my heart. They didn't offer even one prayer for my loved one, or one word to me.

 

[Tinyflame]

It's not fair to focus on one's self only, when people have their own grueling stuff. And, it's boring/ useless.

I wish the burgers I'm cooking would hurry up and finish so I can go to bed.

 

[Friday]

Because on Christmas morning a kid running around with a new toy all theirs and having fun won't care less what their underwear looks like!" Bingo.

Cha.

Speaking as one of the poorest of the poor parents when my son was little?

He had more than enough underwear. Necessities? Were acquired. By many different means. And were high quality & CLEAN & well cared for. It was the EXTRAS we didn’t have. Both the el cheapo (super expensive but cheaply made, designed to break &/or be thrown away almost immediately; the single serving nonsense FightClub rails against ) but? Madly desired by any kid exposed to advertising &/or other children… and the practical: Like gummy-vitamins for kids ($20??? That’s more than half my budget for the month! Nope.) & more than one pair of shoes.

My sister-in-law and I had roughly the same budget.

Her kids? Had garbage bags full of stank, nasty, cheaply made 2nd hand clothes, in various states of disrepair. My kid? Had maybe 5% of what his cousins had, but it was quality. And clean.

The 2nd most vexing part is that my SIL & I spent the same amount ON our kids. It wasn’t she didn’t care. She’s just not super bright. I’d spend $50 on a single pair of StrideRite sneakers, she’d spend $50 on 25 pairs of plastic ripped up garbage. Both of us. In the same year. Yet she still gave me crap about how much I spent. Woman! We spend the same durn amount. >.<

My (asshole/abusive) exhusband? 6 figure income, still buys craptastic garbage, that’s not cared for, or about, at all, for his kids. Unlike my SIL that’s neglect, rather failing to plan.

You can’t gift smarts (save up, buy the better product, keep it clean & in good repair); nor caring. Buying expensive, well made, necessities for poor kids whose parents actually give a damn, and have 2 brain cells to rub together to get a spark? Isn’t a gift for the kids. At all. It’s a gift to the PARENTS. Who can delay laundry, and other similar luxuries. If you’re buying a gift for a KID? Buy it for them. Not for their parents, or an attempt to manipulate their parents into behaving better or being smarter.

Although, also speaking as a parent, I’d have loved getting quality kid-stuff as gifts. To me. Becuase, cha. That means I can wash clothes less frequently, and the like. Don’t buy my KID underwear. He has enough. Buy ME kid-underwear… or better, yet? Kid Gummy-vites. I’ve already sorted the laundry to my needs. But the jeeeeeealousy/guilt/shame in the grocery store? Would be sorted with 1-6-12 (All 3 = a year supply; weekly, every other day, daily = any option is better than none) bottles. But get my kid a paper airplane before you spend $20 on vitamins or underwear.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @Friday , exactly! Just as it's important (IMHO) to have treats and what both adults and kids should have that others don't do without, and not just at Christmas. As a caveat I had almost added above, and the 2nd worse thing to not having a toy is having one that breaks! Getting the best quality at a deal can happen! And then it's possible to cover more kids, too. Was ALWAYS the BEST Part of Christmas.

 

[Tinyflame]

I was reading a different article posted here and followed a different link to this one:

Brain biomarkers could help identify those at risk of severe PTSD

A study has shed light on the neurocomputational contributions to the development of post-traumatic stress disorder in combat veterans. The findings revealed distinct patterns for how the brain and body respond to learning danger and safety depending on the severity of PTSD symptoms. These...

www.sciencedaily.com

 

[Tinyflame]

I hope somebody punches me in the face first if I ever reach out to ask for help, or open my mouth and share personal information again, other than on this forum.

 

[Teasel]

I hope somebody punches me in the face first if I ever reach out to ask for help, or open my mouth and share personal information again, other than on this forum.

I'd rather punch the arsehole that made you feel that way

Mind is floating, noticing twinges in my aching body n feeling the breeze of the fan.

 

[Tinyflame]

You are very kind @Teasel . You made me laugh. But no, I don't blame anyone else.

Extremely volatile here. I am sure you understand. Glad you can start fresh.

Was dangerous last night. Presence of another ran interference, thankful for that. Unbearable grief and exhaustion and little sleep plus+, doesn't go well with rage.

Dog going to be put down, thought it would have to be this morning. Trying to get her out camping she loves one last time. Vet trying 2 more drugs, either infection or kidney failure. I was up with her crying/ in discomfort for 4 hours, just held her and gave her a rub for 4 hours, now she seems about ~75% normal. I don't know if it's discomfort on her stomach from the meds or just the near-immediate end of the line. They're supposed to go away monday. She acted frantic, I had a dog do that once, literally died, came around (on will to see primary person coming home, I am sure, as that is what I was saying), went on 1 more week seemingly improved then turned again. Horrible. I know it means nothing to virtually all when it's a dog, unless your dog isn't just a dog but is your family. People who have family have no need, but people with their animals as protection or solace + grounding or therapy dogs+people often do. I guess people with ptsd often do (understand).

 

[Teasel]

I am so sorry @Rosebud

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you for your sweet kindness @Teasel , especially in your own need.

I was thinking on the side, how I came through the door from work last night, was very tired. Was immediately told all th atwhat was 'wrong' with me, something akin to just 'existing',and in particular how a person didn't like something I do when I get home (most everyone does, like saying hello). So I followed the recommendation to apologize- find any truth in it- took a minute to get the words, I did, was thanked. Thought today- it's a real mind F*.