My New Therapist Makes Me Feel Stupid

[Jade-]

He doesn't purposely make me feel stupid and I think it's my own crap that makes me feel that way.

The way he parrots things back to me with a different perspective, and then when I can see things in that way too, makes me feel like a complete idiot. I consider myself a fairly intelligent person but my god sometimes my thinking and logic makes me look and sound batshit crazy .

I have told him how it makes me feel and he just kinda laughs about it or will make some type of joke to make me feel better. But this is seriously a huge issue for me and makes me want to stop therapy with him although I know I def need it. Changing T's won't make a difference I don't think because I will still feel stupid while working on the things I need to right now.

The things sound and seem so logical in my mind. But in reality they're not. And I don't know how to get past this feeling stupid issue. It may seem trivial to anyone reading but like my face is red right now from embarrassment just from typing this out

 

[Rose White]

It’s not trivial at all—it’s your survival skills from the past kicking in. Sounds like your T is handling it gently. The work is facing yourself and forgiving yourself in spite of everything inside you saying “run”. If T is safe enough you have an opportunity to say “no” to the voice saying you’re stupid. You have a wise self coming through in your post. Your wise self can carry you if you let it.

 

[Jade-]

Thanks @Rose White you made me feel a little better about it.

 

[Survivor3]

Hello @Jade- , there's nothing stupid about talking about and addressing really simple things in therapy. I do it all the time. Because no matter how intelligent someone is the simple act of realising and addressing a simple idea with another person is really important, because we (me/you/us) may never have had that conversation before. Don't be too hard on yourself.

 

[Movingforward10]

I felt exactly the same in the beginning. And I voiced it to her lots too. I felt I needed to know the answers, and be one step ahead of her. Figure out where she is going with it. I felt so inferior.
however, this was because being vulnerable and trusting another person with all this trauma was very very new. Is it new for you too?
growing up, was an adult to be there for you, guide and support you? Or was it not safe to express things, share trauma, have that be resolved with you by a care giver ? Did you have to figure out all the answers on your own?
because if you did have to figure everything out on your own, and if you shared it became unsafe, then this therapeutic relationship is challenging those survival skills and that Could be why you feel like this? It was for me.

 

[KayW]

It's not trivial and you're not alone in feeling stupid, I do too and I worry what my therapist thinks of me. I can't tell from your post if your therapist is handling it in the right way for you, so you could bring up how you're feeling with them if it doesn't feel right to you.

 

[arfie]

i'll add my voice to the "not trivial" choir. i was released to therapy maintenance around the turn of the millennium with a radical acceptance of my self-esteem issues and STILL haven't jumped that metaphorical hurdle to understanding. my strongest progress remains radical acceptance that i am still crying the tears inspired by the playground bullies who stuffed mini-me into the playground trash because they knew what to do with "white trash." mini-me is still crying over the simple fact that that is one of the nicer of the wise ones who knew just what to do with a child sex trafficking victim.

sigh. . .

where's the perfect me?

rocking you gently and crying with you, jade
indulging in a wish for easy answers for all of us.
in the meaner than mean time? ? ?
healing hopes for all
no exceptions
just praying. . .

 

[Jade-]

Thanks for all the replies.

This isn't my first time in therapy,by far. I haven't had a session since my post here though because I just needed some time to try to work through this.

This therapist is just different than any I have encountered before. He's not traditional at all and believes in a more relaxed,friendly atmosphere and tries to really relate to clients as people. I do like that about him but I think maybe his upfront,blunt approach,although what I need probably,is triggering my insecurities. He doesn't beat around the bush and is so upfront. One thing I was talking about his reply was "well why the hell would you do that?" and laughed about it. I know he wasn't laughing at ME personally,just letting me know that the logic I was using was irrational. And when I realized he was right I felt stupid. And every other idea/thought/solution I had in mind he did the same thing,which made me feel worse.

I think I need to just force myself to continue with this guy no matter how I feel. Right now I am dealing with the abusive ex and threats from him,etc. I need someone to tell me omg, that's a stupid idea ,that will get you killed instead of a therapist that's gonna say "and how does that make you feel?"

Anyway, I am supposed to have a session later today. I plan on just biting the bullet and doing it and allowing myself to feel stupid if I do. It's not like it will be the first time of feeling like that and it's def worth learning ways to protect myself and stand up for myself....

 

[Movingforward10]

Telling him how you experience it is going to help. Both him in making sure his work with you helps you. And you in terms of feeling ok.

 

[Friday]

I need someone to tell me omg, that's a stupid idea ,that will get you killed instead of a therapist that's gonna say "and how does that make you feel?"

These are the therapists I usually work best with.

Not just because I NEED someone to be blunt with me, but to a man? They’ve been perfectly happy to be argued with. Both admitting to good arguments (fair point, well that certainly changes things, etc.), as well as really up front and direct when they disagree with me (and why)… without holding any kind of malice. So when I think they’ve misunderstood me? Or I disagree with them? It’s. The. Exact. Opposite. Of. Talking. To. A. Wall. Ends up being reeeeally dynamic. Without any kind of penalty for being honest, being in a hard place, having my head up my ass, being particularly stupid about something I can later look back and bang my head against the wall about, etc.

 

[Jade-]

Just an update, I am still with this therapist. While I still feel stupid most of the time I just deal with how I feel and keep pushing through.

Like right now, I am feeling really stupid because he asked me wtf am I thinking and doing . Very blunt and almost harsh sounding but I think it takes that kind of harshness to get me to really stop and think and ask myself wtf AM I doing,wtf AM I thinking why did I make such a bad decision and realize,wow,he's right. And then I can make needed changes.

 

[Muttly]

Sometimes pushing through is what needs to be done. I wonder if you can reframe feeling stupid slightly. I'm not suggesting you make the feeling go away, as I doubt that will work. Like, instead of thinking about how you feel stupid, think about as feeling young or scared or that it's an opportunity for learning? That might be a lame idea. Just throwing it out there.

It sounds like you are working very hard. You should be proud of that.