You sound like a lovely and supportive friend to want to seek help for her, but as others have already highlighted make sure first she wants the help, and what that looks like to her. If she has difficulty in being hyperindependent (eg stubborn as a mule, a trait many of us share as a result of trust being impossible) coming in and offering her lots of suggestions may well make the symptoms worse. Think about your boundaries too, no one is superhuman and you can't take the weight of this on your own without being hideously burnt out.
Practically it sounds like affording to live is a big priority. MH stability is very hard to achieve if the basics aren't there as a nice secure base. If her needs and medical conditions prevent her from re engaging with work, looking at whatever the welfare system is where you are seems like a pretty urgent need. Maybe her T is aware of the process and can offer some signposting, or government website/ charity info that can give a breakdown of what help might be available and how to access.
So much of what you said here is very wise (as well as kind) and much appreciated.
As said in other posts she is certainly asking for help. She says she is debilitated and incapacitated. What she says she needs is someone to clean and tidy her apartment, cook for her, launder her clothes, buy her furniture, finish her kitchen, run errands for her and provide her with an income.
One of my boundaries is that I cannot do all that for her. I launder her clothes at my place as she is waiting to have her washing machine installed. I don't mind doing this because it is a sign that someone cares about her. I have tried to help her with professional connections. I am not giving her money or furniture. I would like to help her help herself.
I believe some expressions of family love may boost her morale, as they say 'it takes a village to raise a child' and I am sure a community can help with mental health. And so I would like to encourage that from her brother, who she has told me many times she feels abandoned by. Her father is probably a lost cause - elderly, highly indebted, a trigger for her and possibly suffering from mental illness himself. Her mother died shortly before all this escalated, and her best female friend recently said she is walking away (IMHO on balance a good thing, because she was her co-bulimic, enabling fellow addict of vomiting, but still another emotional loss).
As mentioned in another post her therapist said in their last session (because she ran out of budget) that he knew of nothing that could help her for free in this country. And so again, I am inclined to confer with her brother.
Perhaps I ought to consider letting her know or my intentions about discussing with her brother, or obtaining her consent, before I speak with him about this. On the other hand, this is urgent and I am not sure that she is of full mental capacity; she may refuse my request to confer with him - as a panic response entailing another melt down.
You are right that giving her loads of suggestions would make things worse - just today she was unable to handle her own phone call to me that consisted of a monologue of anguish and horror, just because I asked her to explain a few things that I was trying to understand. She ended the call because she was emotionally unable to continue - because I was actively listening, not because I was giving advice.
And yet she askes me what to do. And she prefers to do things her way. And she repeatedly raises the subject of euthanasia.
