Fed Up With The Rollercoaster Of Emotion

[Marie E.]

(((KP - Big Huge Hugs)))

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Beloved ((((((((((((((Kath))))))))))))))))),

I'm holding you in my heart and thoughts!
I hope you get your computer back quickly, and your Geek is able to retrieve your photos and important documents!
Good luck!

Sending you many hugs and warmest, healing thoughts and wishes everyday!
Linking arms with you, Beloved Kath!!!!
All my love,
Deer

 

[KP the nut]

Today was the first anniversary of my accident. H should have been away last night but drove home specifically to be with me this morning. I had T today and had to drive past the accident scene. It was so hard, everything was a threat. Before T I had lunch with a couple of friends, saw the man who is making me redundant being interviewed on camera for the BBC Politics Show, stopped myself from going and telling the true story.

T asked if I wanted EMDR or relatation, I chose EMDR. I'd driven and I wasn't going to take the easy option. So pleased I did, it was hard, however I went through 2 complete cycles and had some new memories come out. T refused to go for a third cycle and we did grounding exercises instead. He is away next week so I'll see him on 2nd March.

After T I went to the dentist to have my sutures removed, all is well. I can have a month off before the next stage.

I saw my doctor yesterday, I'm still signed off as unfit to work so it looks as if I'll not be going back to the council. Still waiting for the date of my appeal hearing. D has increased my meds, I'm now on 60mg Citalopram and in case of emergencies 5mg Diazapam, not sure about the diazapam, scary dtuff but maybe for the drive to Scotland.

Feeling v deflated, finally stopped I think adreline has kept me going today. So tired now.

 

[Nighthawk]

KP
Big (((((HUGS))))) and well done on getting through the day

NH

 

[KP the nut]

Wow, how am I feeling, this really is a rollercoaster of emotion.

Didn't sleep well on Thursday night, nightmares

. However I got up on Friday morning and faced the day. Something wierd happened whilst I was rubbing body lotion on my arm. I looked at my arm and it wasn't my arm as it is now, it was how it was a year ago, swollen, cut and bruised. I was shocked and had to tell myself that I was safe, that it was just a memory. Thank goodness for grounding exercises, they helped bring me back.

I had volunteered to take an elderly lady to and from the doctors. I used to drive for our local voluntary community car scheme (H does as well). This was my first drive since the accident. It went v well and I felt v pleased with myself. I have told the co-ordinator that as I am at home I may be able to do more. It should help me on 2 counts, 1)it makes me drive and 2)it boosts my self esteem. As well as helping someone else so a win win situation.

I slept well last night. Today I feel almost to how I was pre PTSD. It is strange but I can't help but wonder when the next down will hit me.

Linking arms
KP

 

[KP the nut]

Just had a thought, maybe it is the increase in citalapram which is making me feel more in control? Haven't tried the diazepam yet. Anyone else used it?

 

[intothelight]

Hi KP,

Wow you did an amazing job handling the anniversary and also the flashback of you arm. You are so strong and give so many hope.

The only time I've used diazepam is for dental appointments (I have problems with any type of anesthesia with my blood pressure dropping.) and my dose was off the charts. But I remember it made me sleep really well

.

I hope you are having wonderful day today!

Deb

 

[Deleted member 6617]

KP you are an inspiration. Thank you! Hugs, PH

 

[KP the nut]

KP you are an inspiration. Thank you! Hugs, PH

No more than anyone else here, including you Dear PH. I don't deel inspirational - just hanging in and feeling better. But thank you
(((HUGS)))

 

[jewel]

I have something I would like to share with everyone. I have been on a horrendous roller-coaster ride. I am partially disabled after MVA, no friends, no family support and am completely alone. Kinda pathetic, huh! Since Nov i have been on a downward spiral. Last night was really bad and I emailed an owner of a selfhelp website and she emailed me back. She has done that several times so far. I felt like I had a friend and I didn't do something drastic. All it takes is one person to make either a positive difference or a negative difference in our lives. I hope I get better enough that I can be a positive difference in someones life.

 

[KP the nut]

I've just looked at my emails and I have a date for my works appeal. 8th March 3pm. As I read the short email I felt as if cold water were being poured over my body. I don't know if I can do this, I don't know if I want to do this. I'm supposed to attend with my union rep. I don't know how I am going to go into the room, I will have to speak but I know I will cry, collapse, panic, scream, shout, faint, tremble, ....

It has taken whatever joy I was feeling out of the day and I just want to sit and cry. H is away tonight. I can't do this. Tears are falling.
I should phone the union guy but I'm not coherrent just now.

 

[Jade-]

Just popping in to give a (((hug)))).