Fed Up With The Rollercoaster Of Emotion

[amethist]

Maybe this will help you a bit KP.

Write it as if you were someone else, writing it for you KP.

Write it in rough first, then just change the " She would be ideal for this position", to "I would be ideal", once you write it out, ready for posting.

An idea I was given a while back when I had to write a serious letter to a Government department. It worked that time.

Amethist

 

[KP the nut]

Just back from T and EMDR. Urgh :sick::notworthy::cry:. Just feel so drained, headache, tense, can't think anymore. Fed up with all of this.

I told him I deserved this accident, that I am a pathetic waste of space. I was so angry at me for being in that car - stupid, stupid.

Where is the banging head on wall smiley - that is a contradiction of terms :confused:

 

[The Albatross]

I'm admiring your ability to fill out an application KP... I have reverted and haven't been able to do that.

 

[KP the nut]

I'm admiring your ability to fill out an application KP... I have reverted and haven't been able to do that.

To be honest it is not very filled in, but it will be.

 

[Heather]

I told him I deserved this accident,

Kath -
I love you way to much to hear you talk this way about yourself. You didn't deserve what happened to you. That's why it's called an ACCIDENT.

Be gentle with yourself. Light some candles and RELAX.

Love you. HUGS.

 

[KP the nut]

Thanks everyone for talking to me and supporting me and giving me the well needed kick in the rear. I am slowly climbing back up.

I've had a busy day today and now feel exhausted, I can rest later still some chores to do. Tomorrow is a me
day :tup:

1. Drove in very gusty strong wind
2. Visited work, they are wonderful people, genuinely pleased to see me and lots of hugs. Lots of comments on how much better I looked - jeez I must have been bad.
3. Talked to new nice line manager about returning to work. My idea is stay off during April and do a couple of mornings starting in May.
4. Overcame panic at the hospital. It was the hospital where I went after my acccident :(

WARNING GIRLIE STUFF
The hospital needed to do another mammogram because there wasn't enough tissue showing on the previous film. Stupid reason because really girls if you saw me, you would know there is definitely enough tissue:roflmao: Now they will look at all films and declare me clear - please.

 

[Reclusive]

Sending positive vibes your way re: girlie stuff!

It sounds like you're really making a lot of progress, KP - you're like a hero or something! I'm assuming from this latest post that I don't need to address the bit about deserving your accident - I assume other people already took care of that.

You really are making SOOOOO many strides! What you're doing is absolutely inconceivable to me!

 

[KP the nut]

Application complete and emailed. I'm now feeling so numb and sick, hopefully later I will realise it was a big achievement. The closing date is today (how is that for avoiding until the last minute). I find it easier to work things in my head and then ideas of what to write.

It has been so long since I've used 'work speak'. I cut and pasted what they were looking for and then filled in around it how closely my experience fitted. I find mirroring their language works, it did with grant applications so fingers crossed. Interviews take place the week of the 11th April so not long to wait. I keep thinking of other things to put, but it is done. I hope it is enough. I think I'm pleased with it. It looks good and sounds good, but is it me, am I capable of doing that stuff again. Aaaargh, I wish I was rich and didn't have to have a job to pay bills etc.

Panicing now, calm down breathe, slow, in and out. Relax, it is done.

 

[aatredes]

I felt so positive this morning. I got out of bed and did stuff. Yesterdays EMDR was tough, but I slept and thought Hey I'm ok this is fine.

H brought me flowers at lunchtime - big surprise. He has been away on business and will beover the next few weeks and knew I'd struggled to cope but had done it.

Felt good this afternoon, washed dishes, cleaned, walked dogs.

Then, like a sledge hammer I feel so low. H noticed and I cried. Fed up and tired of coping, being OK.

Don't want to go on.

I really understand "crashing." I can be ok for a good while then WHAM I get hit out of no where with tears and fear. KP please keep going. I'm having a rough morning I for one, want you around because you are so supportive and loving and I am sure that others here feel the same way.

I'm tired of just "coping" and not LIVING also. I have to keep going for me....and those I love...and there are days I just don't want to deal with ANYTHING. I'm so glad you came here and posted KP.

 

[aatredes]

:::does a little dance and links arms:::

 

[intothelight]

I think I'm pleased with it. It looks good and sounds good, but is it me, am I capable of doing that stuff again.

(((Kath)))

Look how far your have already come.

Deb

 

[Reclusive]

Wow, KP! That really IS a huge achievement. And the only way you'll know if you're capable of that stuff again is if you try. And just being WILLING to try is a huge achievement in and of itself! I'll be rooting for you!