Now I'm really confused, or would that be disorganised? :D Ok...he label is unimportant, and there is no point in me trying to find out how I have difficulty attaching, as I have no desire for attachment at the moment, and I'm not in therapy.
Ha!:laugh:
Hmm... the lack of desire for attachment says something doesn't it!
What I was wanting to say is that it really isn't necessary to analyse yourself and give yourself a diagnoses. Human beings seldom fit into nice little boxes anyway and you will always be more than a label. I also think that most of us who have grown up with trauma or even with emotional abuse or neglect (or loss etc too) probably have issues of some type around attachment. Attachment means being able to connect with other appropriately and why on earth would we be able to do that if we have been hurt. I don't think there is any shame in that.
I also wanted to say that although I am no expert I know that all of these things can exist on a scale of severity and can vary a little person to person. I certainly don't have BPD but have many aspects of disorganised/unresolved attachment. I want closeness but am afraid of it and although I would appear to be anxious avoidant there is more going on underneath and not even underneath. I have zero of the anger or true impulse issues but have many of the others regardless. I think your feelings about touch and physical holding it T wouldnt be something someone with classic anxious avoidant attachment would find easy.
But bringing this all the way around to the real question which is what do you need and what should you get from T: T is like a dance. Your T can't decide where you are going to end up on the dance floor at first glance and neither can you. The better you know yourself the more you can help. The more you can communicate your feelings to your T the more you can help. The more in tune with you your T can be the more they can help. Not everyone can be in tune with everyone else as we are all unique. That means we may not have a good fit with someone even if they are a good t.
Helping you also doesn't mean always giving you what you think you need. The most growth often happens when we are challenged. Or when there are disagreements. Learning to work through disagreements can be one of the most healing things of all. If you hate the idea of boundaries and limits it probably means you need them. It means you need to look at how easy you find it to notice others boundaries and your own.
Most of us with attachment issues or any type of difficult childhood tend to split and do many other things that interfere in relationships. People are either totally awful (or dangerous/untrustworthy) or really valuable (or trustworthy/right). Yes, those with BPD have severe splitting but many of us without have various degrees of it. Many also think that others can mindread or that they can. Your T cannot know everything about you straight off as you are way to complex for that. You also cannot know what your T thinks without asking them. These things alone cause havoc in our lives and working through them in T is very helpful. I also think Pete Walkers "the four f's" is a great way of identifying our tendencies in a different way.
So I think what is most valuable and most healing is too push against your natural tendencies. If you find yourself thinking all T's are awful then you need to ask yourself if you are self protecting by pushing others away. Even accepting T's make mistakes can help us accept that we can mistakes too. For that to happen we need to work through conflict in T when it happens. You don't have to have yourself all worked out cognitively to work through issues that arise in T. T is our practice ground.
Believe me I sympathise and am also being hypocritical as I am running scared at the moment. But I am under no illusion and accept that I am in the grip of stuff that isn't helpful to me and I am trying to fight hard against it.
For T to be helpful it needs to be an emotional experience not just an intellectual one and it has taken me the longest time to understand that.
Any T that is well schooled in trauma and attachment issues, is ethical, empathic and is a good fit for you is going to be someone who can help you and help you help yourself.
