Why Do Parents Hate Their Kids?

[safenow]

I relate to the title of this thread. "Why do parents hate their kids?" My step-mother hated children. All children. Not just me. My birth father hated me, because he thought I was why his beloved wife died. For me, that was bad, but for them, it was perfectly logical to be cruel to me. I was this "thing" they were stuck with.

I hate what they did to me and my sister. I'm glad my sister didn't live to grow up with the horror of her youth. Since I'm so screwed up, and she had it worse, I'd hate to think of what she might have become.

For many years I carried the hurt and pain of what was done to me in my youth. In a way, I am glad I had bad things happen in my young adult life, because it made me forget about my youth for a while. Now doesn't that sound crazy? But in a way, it is rather logical. As a child, I thought everyone lived that way. It wasn't until I was in therapy that I learned what they did to me and how I was treated and ignored at the same time was cruel and unusual. When I learned that, I got very very angry. But then, even worse things happened to me. So I didn't have time to dwell on my past. I was too busy trying to survive my "now".

Raven, I hope this isn't too personal, but have you not had anything bad happen to you since your youth? Perhaps this is why you are not able to get past what they did to you. I know, sometimes my logic is not so swift, but give it some thought.

I'll shut up now.

 

[Willie Johnson Jr]

Hello,

I know what you mean, I have IQ of 240, the person that mostly dis-like me was my father he is not as smart as I am, he beat me for just being right about something and he was wrong.

 

[shell]

Why do parents hate their kids, because they are really screwed up.

Not every one is born capable of being a parent, not everyone has the perfect childhood and they take their shit and use it to justify their own needs.

My mother and father really hated me, and for a very long time I have made it worse than it needed to be because I thought that there was something very wrong about me, that I made them hate me.

It is only recently that I have realized that they were really stuffed up, it wasn't about me, it was about them, their issues which they inflicted upon me.

I always knew it was abuse, but it didn't stop me taking it on as my own, handing it back to them has made it easier for me to accept. It doesn't make it right, I won't forgive them and I don't believe I need to. Biologically parents are supposed to know how to nurture, but when they don't have the basic mental capacity then they are the issue.

It still hurts to have parents that don't love me, but I am no longer going to allow it to define who I am.

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((((Raven))))))

I get it. The more I heal, the more I realize just how much was never even possible for me.

Others see this as just another part of our history. Yet, facing the reality of the deep damage done to our existence is a whole complex set of new injuries to us being inflicted by our past in the here and now.

These new hurts are raw and require acknowledgement, new courage to face them, and a full measure of grieving. The 'normal child' we thought we were dies once we know how injured we are now, and were then.

That child's story deserves to be told, her pain and suffering honored, and her death, mourned just as much as any child is mourned. Through the process, we begin to see ourselves, our real selves, with clarity. We begin to honor the survivors we were.

We begin to accept ourselves as we really are, now. Eventually, the past stops opening new wounds and these new wounds, and past wounds, become scars but no longer so painful.

I feel the same way about churches. It's the hypocrisy of far too many of the leaders which has driven me away.

You aren't alone today. Your hurts are not invisible. You are strong enough to allow them through. You're allowed to feel whatever you feel along the way. Only, now you can ask for and receive comfort.

It will not always hurt like it does now.

 

[cookinggal]

They don't hate their kids they just don't know what to say because they know somethings wrong with us. This sort of thing never happened to them they never had to worry about PTSD or depression before. All I'm saying is try talking to them try and help them understand and try to understand where their coming from.

 

[raven123]

Thanks to everyone who responded. Trying to read through it all.

One of you talk about being raised in fundamentalist churches. I'm very sorry. Me too. They can be, and usually are, very abusive places.

Willie, I'm sorry. :( My intellect was triggered by the rape then developed further trying to avoid abuse by my sperm donor.

Safenow, you can probably relate to this and that above -- Unfortunately, DID is something only found among those with genius level intelligence. I know there was a dark personality that could've been unleashed on the world. My creator, she's since passed, was scared of it and she was scared of nothing. I'm not gonna say much more than everyone has that, but very few have the ability to see it or allow it to take over. She refused. She did a lot of people a lot of favors by doing that. There is me and another I created.

Yes, trauma didn't stop when I got 18. I have quite a few nervous breakdowns since then. In fact, all after 18. LOL One career I lost trying to get help. Some wrong people found out. Several people over several years tried and failed to destroy me. It destroyed my credibility even though I never did anything wrong. In fact, I got awards for my work and screwed over for promotions (because of them). One of the people got nailed for what they did, they had done it at a previous employer and gotten fired. That person killed themselves.

2nd career, same thing. Wrong person found out about my mental health history. The person made it their life's work to get rid of me. A couple others joined her crusade. I ended up in the hospital several times over the lies. They finally won on something I can't discuss. I'm now bankrupt, have yet to file--no lawyer, and nearly unemployable over it and my age, 44. My state allows discrimination over credit history.

Over that hell I found out about the rape at 27 years old. It was buried for 23 1/2 years. The main personality died at 30 years old. About a year after I was created. Safenow, you probably can relate. She did get co-consciousness at 28 I think. People started to notice different handwriting styles at work so we had to fix that and chose one. Lots of switching cause lots of stress--people trying to get me fired.

If not for reading psychiatric textbooks, I probably wouldn't be here. My first shrink at 27. She dumped me a session after I found out about the rape. I saw her again after 2-3 incredibly useless therapists. One of those told me I was hopeless. Ms. EMDR. LOL There was no trust for the first when I saw her again. She had no treatment plan either. I don't think any of mine did. I'd ask some and got lots of excuses why not or couldn't see it. I was pretty distraught and messed up so I wasn't thinking very clearly anyway. I was way too trusting. Doctors aren't supposed to hurt you on purpose or because they don't care, right? Therapists aren't docs. I even wonder if many have a conscience since lying is a seeming art form among the ones I saw.

Several of my shrinks no longer practice. Mostly cause they were liars and scam artist and just after a check and too many figured it out. I didn't till I read Goodtherapy's website on warning signs on shrinks. All mine met the criteria. My first one has a pretty low rating I discovered recently. Made me laugh. Yeah, I know. Believe me I know, I thought seeing it. Safenow, you know none taught me one grounding technique. You did.

Anyway, two more shrinks told me I was hopeless. Three total. Ms. EMDR thought fancy lights and doing nothing cures everyone. I don't think she knew what she was doing another shrink, my first one, remarked she was incompetent. One bad shrink trashing another one. ROFLMAO! Anyway, after going through a dozen and being worse off than I was before I started and no money for it anyway, I quit therapy.

There's a lot more in my adult hood including religious abuse, but I'm tired of talking about it. I've had three miserable days. I've been physically ill over it. Panic attacks and feel like the flu--no flu. Fake fevers and chills that break with no meds. Really weird.

Oh, yes, abuse and stress ruins thyroids!!!! My thyroid has been screwed up since the rape at 3 1/2 years old. A shrink for SS told me my sex abuse caused it without a doubt. I'm 44. I almost died in 2012 from it. In many ways, I wished it would've killed me. This hell would be over. I was diagnosed wrong. Long story. It's dead almost and now I have hypo not hyperthyroid to look forward to. F*CK ME!!!!!!!!

Oh, I blew a year of college over nervous breakdowns at 26 years old. I couldn't think straight. I almost drove my car off a bridge. I think I figured it wouldn't kill me, the concrete sides, and I'd have an expensive repair bill to pay.

Self-harm started at 26 with a vengeance. I didn't come along till 30, remember? Anyway, she did damage. Permanent damage to the right leg of the body. Sometimes the nerve in my right thigh acts weird. She never cut, but she did fantasize about slitting her wrists the proper way a lot. She saw the right way in a movie. ROFLMAO! Oops! She did go off the deep and would've went and tortured both her rapists (she was created during the rape by the way) to death. She was convinced one was dead and couldn't find the other. Internet wasn't as advanced yet for that, finding people, then. I think they are still alive. I've barely looked, but it's not hard to find anyone, anywhere.

More tomorrow...

 

[Tanishq]

Hi Raven,

was too needy

I have understood that everyone needs healthy attention and good support. Everyone deserves that. Those who think, someone is too needy and stop paying attention to them, that can't help them to cure their issues. Instead giving them enough healthy attention will bring them to some profound understanding.

Why do parents hate their kids like that? How do you get over that stuff?
I think it is their choice. It depends on them that they accept their kids or not.

Honestly, I have hard time accepting rejection from parents. Gradually, I am accepting their rejection and moving on. I don't want to dwell on them anymore. It is negative and doesn't help me at all.

 

[raven123]

Jaret, I didn't get the attention I needed as a kid. Had I been in a loving family, the rape might not have been such a destructive force as it was. It's hard to realize as a kid at 3 1/2 after being exposed to rape, that you're not getting it. My brother was a newborn so he got the lion's share anyway. So, the rape was buried. Only defense kids have. Then, I lived in fear the rest of childhood. Scared of my sperm donor and felt no one cared including God cause I was taught God was a vengeful jerk. My mom had her abuse from my sperm donor, too, and she tried but she favored my brother and let my sperm donor abuse me mentally, physically and spiritually so he'd love her. I HATED LOVE because of that.

At 7, I started wishing I was dead. Keep in mind, the original person was dead and a female took over a male's body. I hate I'm male and can only imagine how bad it was for her (the one that took over during the rape). Men, on the whole, I don't like anyway. I get panic attacks now being alone with a male. Afraid of getting abused or raped, I think.

 

[raven123]

As far as user Inordinate, his (?) post had no warmth at all coupled with his love of sarcasm (his pic says so) rubbed me wrong. The caps made it sound like he was yelling at me, which he was. I've been yelled at so much I can take it anymore. Sounded like "get over it", move on and fix yourself. I've tried. I don't know how. If I could, I wouldn't be here.

I've gotten very little help with this crap. It has been with me for 40 years. I've yelled, I've screamed, I've asked, I've begged for help and it doesn't come. They don't care much about women that are raped. Well, they really don't care about men that are raped. I ain't apologizing for nothing. Nobody else did what Inordinate did. Did they?

I have very little trust and very little patience anymore and I hurt most of my waking hours. Leaving someplace, some person cost me little to nothing. Abused kids learn that real fast. I nearly logged out, said f*ck this website and went elsewhere. Maybe Inordinate could show a little compassion to people since he has no idea what they've been through. Might be a nice guy. Wasn't to me. I'm sitting her shaking now it made me hurt so bad. :(

 

[Pencil]

Those who think, someone is too needy and stop paying attention to them, that can't help them to cure their issues. Instead giving them enough healthy attention will bring them to some profound understanding.

Well said, Jaret.

 

[safenow]

Raven, I have one male in my system. He is one of my protectors. Since I was abused by male as well as female it was very confusing for us when younger. My uncle's groups did some major stuff to the mind as well as the body when I was young. If it had been possible for anyone to not get so wrapped up in their own perversions, perhaps someone would have helped all the children in that house. There were judges, lawyers, cops, as well as others involved. Too much money and "needs" of their own to really look at what they were doing. My male serviced a lot of females. We had been trained in that by my aunt and uncle so we just did what we had been trained to do. You know?

I can relate to wanting to die at such a young age. My abuse started so young, I didn't understand what death was. To me, it was just going away. I lived in fear each day and night from age 2 on. There was never a cause for the abuse. If she was in a bad mood, we got tossed around and knocked around. If we didn't move fast enough, or were in the wrong place, we'd get punished very severally. If we looked a certain look, we'd end up across the room, sliding down the wall.

I think my first attempt was when I was in the placement center. I drank a bottle of ditto fluid and they had to pump my stomach. Since I hadn't really learned how to talk to anyone yet, I didn't know how to tell anyone why I did what I had done. By then I already had five personalities. I think perhaps I was 8 or 9 years old. Not sure. Back then, I had no idea about birthday's and such. Never had one until I was ten years old. Then, didn't have another one until I was eighteen.

As for the God thing, back then, my father was a "Church going" man, yet he molested my sister every day. He knew what my step-mother was doing to us, but did nothing to stop it. I don't know if he knew what his "friend" had done to me or not. But since he didn't acknowledge that I was even alive, who knows for sure. My Uncle was a practicing Satanist. So those type of people had me very confused.

When I was two or three years old, while locked in the closet I had a sacred experience that helped me to know God for myself. Not the phoney one that churches teach about. But the real one. But it took me years and years before I discovered enough about Him to know Him. But that is not for this forum. I can sure understand why you'd be so angry at Him for not talking to you directly. Some day you will, and then you won't be so angry at Him. Your family will pay a high price for what they did. Believe me. They will regret it for a long, long time. They did a bad thing when they taught you who God is. They lied to you.

I also hated that word "Love". Those who used that word also lied. That is not love. I've seen what love is a few times in my life, and believe me, it is nothing like what they claim at all. I still think people use it too loosely. Real love is gentle, kind, considerate, compassionate, caring, tender, protective, uplifting. Never by force, ever ever ever. Not pretended.

Sharing with you a little bit about that time in the closet, that being took me out of the closet (even though the door was locked) into a sunny field. There were butterfly and sunshine and flowers there. Just him and me. No fear. Only a genuine feeling of what I feel was real love. It is the same I felt for my babies when they were first born. That same exact feeling. I felt protected and nurtured. I was never afraid of that closet again. I only saw him that once, but it saved me. I know that might not make any sense to you, and I know that doctors call that a delusion and therefore I am insane. But let them call it what they may. It is truth. and I will never deny it, no matter what anyone does to me. And no, I do not need drugs to help me get over it.

Shutting up now.

 

[Philippa]

Using caps on for emphasizing a point is sometimes what some people do online. I've done it myself before, and also been misinterpreted a lot and called racist and accused of all sorts of things that weren't my motivation at all. Once a person is convinced of persecution happening though, there is very little you can say to convince them otherwise I've learned.

It can confuse others who associate it with being yelled at, which is what it is generally known as meaning, and if they have been yelled at a lot that can reinforce the conclusion that they are being yelled at. It isn't always the case though raven123. It's possible he just misused the caps on to emphasize the point that you are in control of your life now.

You don't need to apologize, but maybe consider the possibility that you took it the wrong way! It's very easy to do online, especially when you are vulnerable and upset about stuff, which you clearly are.

I've read over Innordinates words twice now, and I really don't see any coldness there, or lack of compassion. Trying to motivate someone to move forward and take control of their future isn't the same as saying "get over it". If I were feeling a bit down and vulnerable though, I may have taken it the same way. It's very easy to see that when one is upset and feeling bad and hurt. It doesn't always mean that is what is really the case.

Saying get over it is saying get over it.

I'm sorry you felt hurt by it though, but I don't think Innordinate set out to cause any hurt.

I also don't think all parents do hate their kids. Some might, but there are many who love their kids very much, they just don't always express it in healthy ways or know how to.