Attracted To Homosexual Men

[jmni]

I've come to realize that a lot of people I've dated, been with, or seen in the past were homosexuals men. At least I believe so. I can think of at least four that seem very apparently homosexual.

I have to wonder why I could not sense that they were homosexual and that is the real question. Perhaps I did not want anything to do with macho-types. Or it gave me a free-card in order to avoid sex. I also wonder if I am just use to people so insincere that I barely notice.

I am interested to see if anyone else has experienced this more than once.

 

[franciemarnie]

I was never attracted to homosexual men, but I was always always always attracted to men who would turn out to be - at the very least - emotionally unavailable. That is, no matter their personalities, looks, professions, background, etc. - for whatever reason real intimacy was out of the question. Sex was not out of the question, just real intimacy.

I dated for 35 years until I broke the pattern. I know I picked up unconscious clues that I would receive at best nothing and at worst abuse in return for loving them, which was a predictable pattern given my childhood.

 

[Sandstone]

Well, not more than once. But I did marry him, and certainly hadn't noticed. Not even when I found myself thinking of him as one of the girls.

I haven't repeated it because I felt so bad about myself.

I think now that it has to do with seeking a safe and unthreatening relationship with a man, and possibly one where feelings aren't going to be so intense. or where he's got secrets to keep, so I can also keep mine But I don't recommend it.

 

[jmni]

I think now that it has to do with seeking a safe and unthreatening relationship with a man, and possibly one where feelings aren't going to be so intense. or where he's got secrets to keep, so I can also keep mine But I don't recommend it.

Sort-of. For me it has been an aversion to machismo and a desire to feel safe and not-threatened. But I think my initial problem was not having a concept of what masculinity was.

 

[Emma13]

I am a bit confused. Do you mean effeminate homosexual men?

 

[jmni]

In some cases yes. And I wasn't consciously attracted to them as if they were especially sexually attractive. I think it might of been their more affable social qualities.

The most recent person was especially "gay" / effeminate.

 

[Abstract]

For me it has been an aversion to machismo and a desire to feel safe and not-threatened

I relate jmi.

 

[Sandstone]

Yes, I can see that lots of gay men are more able to talk and relate in a way that we consider feminine.

 

[Anna]

Yes I have as well. I prefer gay men. They tend to be more emotional and tuned into women.

My current partner is 100% heterosexual and I am going off him badly, he has put on loads of weight, does not care about his apperance, is lazy and very bad hygiene. It is not attractive at all.

Gay men tend to care more about their apperance, they look better, smell better. I can understand it completly.

 

[jmni]

My current partner is 100% heterosexual and I am going off him badly, he has put on loads of weight, does not care about his apperance, is lazy and very bad hygiene. It is not attractive at all.

it's difficult to find someone who hetorerosexual and masculine who possesses the standard qualities you want. And a lot of men are clearly acting macho to overcompensate. Of course I have met some gay men who are both "gay"/effete and also "macho."

 

[Anna]

Indeed, also I like how you can talk to gay men and they are generally interested, they listen, they make conversation. You know they are NOT going to try it on.

Most heterosexual men regard women as inferior. They do not listen to them and only want one thing from them. This in itself is not attractive and is off putting.

 

[Sandstone]

Most heterosexual men regard women as inferior. They do not listen to them and only want one thing from them. This in itself is not attractive and is off putting.

I'm not sure that is true of most straight men, any more than it's true that straight women all wear pretty frocks and giggle girlishly through fluttering eyelashes.

I'm lucky to have found a heterosexual, domesticated, caring man. He has supported me amazingly through the last two horrible years, and demonstrated true love. But that thing about kissing a lot of frogs on the way is so true.