Sexual Assault My Past Has Come To Haunt Me.

[Leah Morgan]

My story. I'm going to be blunt and straight to the point. ever feel like your going to explode with everything returning. Well here goes. I am from a broken marriage both my parent got remarried when I was 11. This introduced my stepsister into my life. She seemed to like me straight away. But after a while she liked me too much. We got taken on our first holiday to France. She bought her "best friend". We all shared a room. They did things to me, they sexually assaulted me as much as two girls can do to another girl. I told my parents that she was a lesbian and was scaring me by doing things. They told me to stop lying and trying to week the family. Long story short I was never believed and had to put up with this until I was 17 and left home. I tried running away and turned to self harm. But I was always the liar the naughty one. My parents used to take the other children out and leave me at home because I was the liar the naughty one. After a while I thought what the hell in actual going to play up if I'm going to get grounded anyway. So I drank got a tattoo went off the rails and got the hell out as soon as I could. Now I'm a qualified secondary teacher, teaching 11-18 year olds science. I love my job. But a fourteen year old girl became fixated on me and would seek me out 6-7 times a day and started writing me letters. I reported it but it wasn't stopped. Needless to say this has triggered my PTSD and my current spiral. I'm now having nightmares and now confronting my parents who didn't believe me. My husband wants me to get a restraining order on my step sister. I don't know what to do. I feel so distanced, I can't leave the house and be around noise with out panicking especially the sound of girls laughter. Needless to say I can't get into my class room. I really need this to stop I know I am irrational but I can't stop the panic attacks the nightmares.

 

[Recovery4Me]

As a teacher, it is part of the package understanding the reach outs from our students. Many of them have been conditioned from abuse to mix healthy bonding with that of sexual fixation. They haven't had the clear separation or kind professional processing to diffuse. As well there are personality disorders that will be among the class.

Often it is wise to bring it to admin in a unemotional presentation for protection, as our enforcement of boundaries will appear as rejection and can at times manifest through those students' retaliation of sorts. Although it does work both ways in our large planet (as to not discount teacher predators as well as it is a profession not a sanction of morals). That is the sad truth...not inferring this is the case in your unfortunate circumstances but to offer credence to those whom may read this and have had the reverse happen.

Sooooo with that being said, have you elected to seek therapy? It would be very kind to you to give yourself some care within this season. These type of circumstances perhaps have offered a consideration that your sad, horrible and heart wrenching childhood needs some expression. I found for me, it helped me navigate much and clean my heart of some of the heaviness and pain.

Whatever you decide to do...my prayers and thoughts are with you.:hug::hug:

 

[Leah Morgan]

have you elected to seek therapy? It would be very kind to you to give yourself some care within this season.

Yes I am just awaiting my referral for CBT to come through so I can deal with this. Whilst I know the child is not a threat and that its part of the job. I feel terrified. I have never had an issue dealing with crushes from boys but this hit a nerve

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Leah Morgan Good for you!!! What an courageous choice of action to that of an intensely complicated personal onslaught!

I do understand, really.:hug::hug: Given time in the field, or through having our own children...many rocks will be upturned. Let us know how things progress, ok? It is not good to feel alone in this pain...we are here.

 

[Leah Morgan]

@Leah Morgan Good for you!!! What an courageous choice of action to that of an i...

Thank you for kind words.

 

[Recovery4Me]

You deserve those and more...remember that, ok? Be gentle to you.

 

[Lucycat]

I am glad you are seeking help for this. Clearly you can see exactly why you have been triggered, but once it has boiled over you cannot put it back in. Therapy will help you manage your thoughts and feelings.

I am unclear why you need a restraining order on your step sister. Is she still a part of your life?in my case I was abused by my father. Although he still lives with my mother I have cut him out of my life completely. Other than in therapy I don't discuss him. My mother does not mention him and I have absolutely no contact with him. It gave me a feeling of being safe when I finally understood that I was not obliged to have him in my life.

 

[Leah Morgan]

My husba

I am glad you are seeking help for this. Clearly you can see exactly why you have been triggered, but onc...

my husbands idea but the reason is her sister lives on the next housing estate and I have bumped into her several times. My husband work for the police so he thinks everything should be dealt with that way. I could not care less so long as she doesn't come near me or my little girl. Thank you for kind words

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Thinking of you, hope you're okay, (((((Leah))))) :hug:

 

[Leah Morgan]

So after overdosing and spending a few days in intensive care, then two weeks in a psychiatric ward. I am out I have split up with my husband and I have come out of the closest as gay. I am happy for the first time in forever!

 

[Recovery4Me]

I have come out of the closest as gay.

:hug::hug: Congrats on taking the risk to love in the manner that you need to be whole.

 

[joeylittle]

Holy awesome shitballs! @Leah Morgan, it is so heartening to hear you being able to identify some good feeling in your life - and really inspiring the way you've navigated the whole last few months. You rock.