Fight Or Flight Symptoms Running Amok Since Therapy Session, Now I'm Scared I Will Ruin Therapy

[scout86]

but now I feel humiliated about being so panicky

I could be wrong, but I believe it's considered "normal" to be upset when your apartment is broken in to and you're robbed. Had this happen once, years ago. My roommate talked a lot about how shocked and violated she felt. (Far as I know, she was a pretty "normal" person.)

I keep blaming myself for the break-in and for not taking my backpack and wallet with me.

I believe the idea is, that stuff is supposed to be as safe locked in your apartment as it is anywhere.

I hope your appointment goes well & you get a chance to check back in here. Will be thinking of you!

 

[ButterflyBean]

@Justmehere,

There's so much I want to say to you, but most importantly, I want you to know that you are not alone! I have been thinking about you all day! How did your session go? I hope your therapist was extra supportive, especially given the most recent circumstances. I know you scheduled the additional appointment because you were already struggling, and I think you're extremely brave for going and showing your vulnerable state considering the break-in.

When I read your post, I immediately thought about all the times I've felt uncomfortable directly after a session. For me, it takes a few days to process everything, and sometimes doing so on my own can heighten my symptoms, especially if I'm feeling some kind of perceived pressure. For example, Thanksgiving and my birthday were both last week. This time of year is the beginning of the season that I do not like at all. I told my therapist that I might need extra support, so we came up with a plan of what she could do if/when I reached out. Knowing I could reach out, and expect a certain response, made me very uncomfortable once I thought about it after the fact. Then, when I finished reading your post and scrolled down to the similar threads, I saw one that you wrote awhile back. I read it again, and now I can't help but think you are in a similar situation. The point is that you got through something like this before, and you can do it again, even though it might be with different supports and in a different way! Do you remember this post?

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/upset-after-i-left-the-therapy-session-now-what.45719/

I also want you to know I believe in you! I hope you can be gentle with yourself and realize what you're feeling is completely normal! Know we are all here for you whenever you need us and that we would love to hear how you're doing now! (at least I would anyway! :-)) Hugs if you'll accept them!

 

[Justmehere]

I keep trying to type out a response, and then the tears come.

Yesterday, my doctor gave me a bad diagnosis. I will be ok, it's just hard to take in. Last night, throughout the night, my family sent really awful messages about Christmas. I have told a few people about it and the reactions of others are quite strong. It's pretty cruel.

I did ok at first. I distracted... and then in the middle of the night, every hurtful thing about my family and a life time of having to be so independent and work so damn hard just to function - it all crashing in on me. I felt like therapy is nothing but a failure and waste of time, and there are no other options at this time for other therapists (I have checked, obsessively) and didn't handle it well. I relapsed. I fell apart. I called my family screamed at them, and I hung up and threw my phone against the wall. I raged for a moment and then i broke down sobbing. I couldn't stop thinking I have failed so much and I couldn't seem to take myself out of the fight or flight state I was in. It had gotten better after the session and was now back through the roof. I self injured. I stopped and tried to ground again. I contacted every friend offline that is reasonably safe. I just texted or called and asked if they could chat for a few minutes sometime. I'm just could use a friend. I contacted people who often reach out to me for a listening ear after a bad day. No one contacted me back. At all, not even now, almost 24 hours later.

Then I took more of a medication than I am prescribed. I wasn't trying to die. I was trying to sedate the hell out of me before I did more damage to my body. I took Klonopin and it will reduce anxiety but brings on horrible rebound anxiety and I seem to get down when I take it - which is why I only take it 4-5 times a year. Normally, I take prescribed amounts. This time... I took too much. And I want to take more. Knock myself out. I have suicidal thoughts now. My T is on vacation and the crisis line wasn't any help. These so called friends were not there. I have other options to keep reaching out for help.

But I'm drowning.

I'm still drugged from the klonopin, and yes I know that was a huge mistake, so I apologize for being really off kilter right now.

 

[scout86]

I have other options to keep reaching out for help.

Please use them! It seems you are having to go through a perfect storm of bad stuff. But, somewhere, there's an "other side" to it and we all want you to get there. OK?

 

[shimmerz]

@Justmehere , I just want you to know that we all care about you. You aren't doing anything wrong. You are reacting and that is okay, because the way out of it is to dip through it. It won't last. I am certain you must be terrified with all of this going on.....

Take klonapin if you need to, but maybe a strategy that makes 'just the right dosage' accessible at any given time.

Let yourself sleep, let yourself lie down. Brush your teeth a lot, put on makeup and take it off again, play with sparkles, put on jewellery, look at youtube videos that you love (like comedy or makeup tips, or fashion -- girlie stuff) Colour. Paint. Chat with us. Put on perfume. Long dangly earings. Really tight jeans (make your own fashion show). Put on happy songs and stand in front of the mirror pretending you are a superstar!

Not sure if this is helpful, but for me, if I am regressed, I go for the 'happy' and 'fun' things of the age to kinda 'do it over again'. Ignore if it sounds dumb. I won't be offended. Keep in touch k? We just love you..;

 

[ButterflyBean]

I'm sorry you are struggling so much, but I am glad you are still here, even though you can't see it right now! I have multiple chronic medical conditions, so I know what it's like to get diagnosed with something, especially if it's unexpected, not so good news.You said you felt a little better after your session, right? Can you pinpoint anything specific that changed how you felt in the office? Was it something your therapist said or just the support itself. I'm asking because I'm wondering if there's any way to create an imaginative scenario in your mind, as if you could see or call her right now? How long is she on vacation?

I don't know if this is an option, but I use a service called Talkspace in between sessions for extra support. The messaging is unlimited, and you are matched with a professional, licensed therapist. It does cost money but is very affordable in my opinion. There is a monthly plan, but if you only want to use it when your therapist is away, maybe a week would be an option. It's nice just to write out your thoughts and know someone will read it within 24 hours. There is also an international chat that I like because you don't have to focus on talking on the phone, and you can end the chat with just a click of a button. Even if you don't like crisis lines, it's nice to know someone is there listening to you. They don't have to offer you any techniques if you don't want, just tell them you need to vent and they can do the rest! ( I used to volunteer for them before he started graduate school)

I'll put the websites below for easy access:

www.thehopeline.com/gethelp
Link Removed

Take some deep breaths, and let the tears flow as much as you need to! I know, easier said than done, but letting your body release fhe adrenaline etc. is probably the best thing you can do right now. Best wishes for relaxation and peace!

 

[Justmehere]

I'm in a thick fog right now - half the medication have dissociation, but I read your responses and it brought tears - the good kind, it means so much to read kind words right now. I called me primary care doc and said I need help. I went in and he helped me get connected to a walk in mental health clinic. I'm curled up in a big chair there while a nurse checks on me and a counselor checks on me from time to time. I can't find many words, just tears of sadness when they ask me questions about what happened. I feel awful.

Thank you for the good suggestions of other supports and things to do on my own to take care of the part of me that has been so hurt by my family, again and again.

Thank you for being here and tolerating me during this spiral and helping me stop the spiral and get some help.

Going to go home soon, sands a full bottle of meds - my doc is holding on to most of it for now at my request- and just enough to go back down off what I took. Gonna sleep. Thank you for being here.

My heart is so broken but gonna keep going. Can't give up now. I can't I just can't I have to pull through. I am just so hurt and so scared and so sad.

 

[scout86]

And, thank YOU for checking in with your doctor, and him for doing his job well.

Can't give up now.

Hold that thought! As bad as the present moment seems, I'd bet you've survived worse. Keep being smart and taking care of yourself! :hug:

 

[RavenGirl]

I know you can get through this, it seems so bad now but it will pass. Give yourself permission to ignore any family who hurts you; if they can't support you then they don't deserve your time. Only people who can be kind and supportive are the ones who should be in your life right now. It's not being cruel to do what you need to get better, even if that means cutting mean and cruel people out of your life. That's called survival. Hang in there, we care.

 

[Laurie2001]

I'm really sorry to hear about everything you are going through. Its really strong of you to give your meds to your doctor. I can really identify with all your feelings and struggles. As others have said. Know you are not alone and that we all get it!! Do you have a therapist you can see while yours is on vacation? A back up. I've requested that from mine when things are bed and I find it is better than not seeing anyone. Hang in there, it takes so much strength to deal with what you are dealing with.

 

[Penitent]

I just got home from an routine doctor appointment and someone broke into my apartment...

It may not seem like it now but the way it went down is such a blessing... I lived through a worse loss (everything I owned and my horses) but knew at the same time that my absence saved my life.

Had u been home u might be dead, and had you left your dog out it almost certainly would be.

Your angels may be tired like mine but they still got your back!