(Sorry, this turned into a novel)
Speaking to the music aspect of it, I also play guitar. This was actually the first expensive thing I bought when I first entered the workforce.
I did this exact thing, if I managed to muddle through something, without making any an ear bleeding mistake. I was underwhelmed. And like you, making mistakes was infuriating. Why that was, I don't know. Very counterproductive attitude to have when learning a musical instrument.
I ended up getting busy with work and school, then I wound up with this disorder. The mix of stress, anxiety and medication made my hands shake so badly I couldn't play a note to save my life. Ended up giving up on the whole idea. So there it sat on a stand in the corner for the better part of a decade.
A few years ago, I got sick of staring at the thing hanging there collecting dust. I decided to pick it up again. Ha ha, I sounded awful. I guess you really can forget that kind of thing.
This time though, something was different. I was different. I approached it with a different attitude. I stopped looking at mistakes as failures, but as learning what not to do. After a while I realised that making mistakes isn't just OK or tolerable, it's vital. Almost more important than hitting the correct notes. Why more important? Because a mistake that sounds bad playing one piece of music, can sound good in another. Had I not made that first mistake, I'd probably never have learned it.
I also have stopped trying to be regimental about practice. Not being in a band or taking lessons, i don't have an obligation to practice or demonstrate a learned skill. I pick it up when I feel like playing, put it down when I don't. I still get frustrated at times, but when this happens. I learned to try a bit, if I am not getting anywhere except frustrated, I put it down long before I am angry about it. It'll still be there when I am ready to try again.
The only downside I have found with this method of practice, other than being a slow way to learn, is callouses. I have a hard time toughening up my fingertips. On the days when I find my talent and play for a few hours, goddamnit my fingers hurt after.
Though I'm not really complaining. On those rare days, I actually enjoy myself. To actually push this ptsd thing out of the forefront of my mind. Even for only an hour or so every couple months, is worth the sore fingers.
When I was first learning years ago, I used to play along with the radio. Now though I have discovered that youtube has a plethora of backing tracks in all genres of music. This has been awesome to learn with. Being able to have the song I want to play running in the background without having to compete with the original artist. I have found takes alot of the frustration out of it. As so many times I would make a 'mistake', that would totally jar me out of what I was doing, was just because it didn't sound good along side what the lead guitarist originally recorded. Not having to try to tune that out while trying to keep with the melody, has allowed me to be more creative about how I play, which for me is more enjoyable.
Now, as for the rest of my life. I have difficulty applying this kind of forgiving patience. One step at a time I suppose.
I do remember however, when I first learned to play anything music, was as a child in school. Where of course the curriculum and course material was classical music. Which I do enjoy, but there is no room for error or individuality. I wonder if this is maybe what you are beating your head against
@dougyhowzer ?
Do you only play classical, or do you also play genres which are more accommodating to creative deviation?
