hi forum, was wondering if any body else feels the need to look at porn on the net. I feel i have the urge to look at porn and dont know why when i cant even get intimate with my partner. Just wondering if its me or the chronic ptsd making me feel i need to! please help because it makes me feel im fake towards my partner.Link Removed
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Addicted To Pornography Online
- Post starter chief
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Just a surgestion, if its troubling you that much, then go into your search engine options and put a block to all adult content.
Myself i dont watch it.
Maybe talking around the subject to your partner by saying you have 'a friend' watches a lot of pornography and him and his partner had a row, or whatever, then you will find out her opinion on it.
Alot of people have had arguements with there partners over pornography watching, i had a girlfriend a while ago that enjoyed watching it, and asked me what i thought, i didnt feel betrayed, but she asked me if i would like to watch some with her, i said ok, and it worked out pretty well. But that was my relationship and everyone is diffrent.
I cant see a connection between PTSD could cause addiction to porography personally. But i know very little about the facts of PTSD, except for how it affects my own life, and that ive been diagnosed with it.
Myself i dont watch it.
Maybe talking around the subject to your partner by saying you have 'a friend' watches a lot of pornography and him and his partner had a row, or whatever, then you will find out her opinion on it.
Alot of people have had arguements with there partners over pornography watching, i had a girlfriend a while ago that enjoyed watching it, and asked me what i thought, i didnt feel betrayed, but she asked me if i would like to watch some with her, i said ok, and it worked out pretty well. But that was my relationship and everyone is diffrent.
I cant see a connection between PTSD could cause addiction to porography personally. But i know very little about the facts of PTSD, except for how it affects my own life, and that ive been diagnosed with it.
M
midi
It's good that you are talking about it. Porn is like fast food - very little substance, fast, and effortless. Some people use it because it doesn't require intimacy and it's numbing, like any other addiction. Others use it in moderation and it even enhances some relationships. I'm not into porn, but I do use things like online Scrabble to avoid life issues.
I think we turn to porn because it allows us to de-sensitise. It allows pleasure to be had without confused emotions or intimacy issues interfering in the process of obtaining it. Looking back, I would consider myself to have been a sex-aholic in the past, using surface level pleasure to bury my feelings. There didn't seem to be any other answer; now I'm working on it.
Excellent that you can bring this up, the fact that you're talking about it bodes very well for your dealing with it. Kudos.
Excellent that you can bring this up, the fact that you're talking about it bodes very well for your dealing with it. Kudos.
D
Deleted member 1606
So many people talking trash about porn. Erotica is porn you like; porn is porn you don't like. If you read romance novels, that's just socially acceptable porn. If one insists on interpreting the Bible literally, then The Song of Songs, AKA The Song of Solomon, is incest porn.
As a sex educator, I can tell you that masturbation is normal. There's nothing wrong with it unless you're in pain the next day.
There's nothing wrong with porn either. Is it interfering with you life? Does it make you late for work/class? That could mean you have an compulsion. But if you still live your life the same way, you're doing it right.
We have sonograms of babies masturbating in the womb. Sex negativity, now that's big freakin' problem. Please don't listen to people who are adding to it.
And in case anyone's asking, I know lots of women who like porn.
As a sex educator, I can tell you that masturbation is normal. There's nothing wrong with it unless you're in pain the next day.
There's nothing wrong with porn either. Is it interfering with you life? Does it make you late for work/class? That could mean you have an compulsion. But if you still live your life the same way, you're doing it right.
We have sonograms of babies masturbating in the womb. Sex negativity, now that's big freakin' problem. Please don't listen to people who are adding to it.
And in case anyone's asking, I know lots of women who like porn.
D
Deleted member 1606
I also have issues with using the term "addiction" in this context. It makes it sound like we're on Oprah. Clinically, there's no such thing as being addicted to sex or porn or masturbation. There's obsessive and compulsive behavior, but that's not addiction.
Unfortunately, there's also a colloquial definition of addiction than includes compulsive and obsessive behavior in it's definition. So it all gets muddled rather quickly.
Different people have different perspectives on porn, but too many have perspectives contaminated by social taboo and guilt. Sometimes, it makes people feel better to say "addiction" because that means it isn't their fault. However, this maya can sabotage recovery in that way. To illustrate the different ways people relate to porn, here's a true story.
When I was a sex educator, I was in charge of the computers. I had to rebuild two systems that were in use at the switchboard. These didn't have terribly large hard drives, so I rebuilt them carefully. First I installed the operating system. Next, I installed all the software necessary for people to do their work. Then I installed a bunch of games the volunteers liked to play and finally put back all the jpg's and mpg's that different volunteers had left there.
Because I was always running in and out, I did all this over a period of 2 or 3 days. Just after I finished, a female volunteer I knew came up to me, stood very close to my face and said, "Karma, did you put the porn back on the computers?"
I said, "Yes, I did."
She said, "Thank God!" and she turned around to go look at porn.
Unfortunately, there's also a colloquial definition of addiction than includes compulsive and obsessive behavior in it's definition. So it all gets muddled rather quickly.
Different people have different perspectives on porn, but too many have perspectives contaminated by social taboo and guilt. Sometimes, it makes people feel better to say "addiction" because that means it isn't their fault. However, this maya can sabotage recovery in that way. To illustrate the different ways people relate to porn, here's a true story.
When I was a sex educator, I was in charge of the computers. I had to rebuild two systems that were in use at the switchboard. These didn't have terribly large hard drives, so I rebuilt them carefully. First I installed the operating system. Next, I installed all the software necessary for people to do their work. Then I installed a bunch of games the volunteers liked to play and finally put back all the jpg's and mpg's that different volunteers had left there.
Because I was always running in and out, I did all this over a period of 2 or 3 days. Just after I finished, a female volunteer I knew came up to me, stood very close to my face and said, "Karma, did you put the porn back on the computers?"
I said, "Yes, I did."
She said, "Thank God!" and she turned around to go look at porn.
Karma,
I don't think the love of "porn" defines a problem in itself - I think becoming overly attached to a behaviour in order to avoid feeling emotional pain can become a very real problem. Is this not the definition of addiction? I'm not speaking as a bible thumper, that I'm not - I'm speaking as someone who has had that experience, and yes, I would call it an addiction. Ultimately, Chief will have to decide if it's a problem. No one's poo pooing anything, or anyone.
I don't think the love of "porn" defines a problem in itself - I think becoming overly attached to a behaviour in order to avoid feeling emotional pain can become a very real problem. Is this not the definition of addiction? I'm not speaking as a bible thumper, that I'm not - I'm speaking as someone who has had that experience, and yes, I would call it an addiction. Ultimately, Chief will have to decide if it's a problem. No one's poo pooing anything, or anyone.
Joey Padula
New Here
Well to be honest i have wondered myself. what is the normal amount of times one should please themselves to porn in a day or week. I feel like i personally use it to satisfy an empty insatiable hunger, and some times that takes a number say higher than 2 in a day and sometimes it doesn't need to be satisfied at all. I feel like this depends on a bunch of different factors in my life how bored i am, if i am depressed, if i am single or not, if i just emotionally was thinking about an intimate relationship with someone a fantasy per say. I would say that i agree completely with Karma that masturbation is normal and i think that emotionally PTSD adds to that emotional emptiness. Although i do not have ptsd i wonder the same thing about porn. Now being intimate with your partner that is a different issue it shouldnt be something that is forced. What i would suggest is to try something different, talk with her about it and jsut change stuff. look up different positions. do it in different areas experiment maybe even dress up. This might help your intimate problems for it takes you out of your norm and puts brings you to a fun crazy place in which you can reinvent you as a confident person who wants to make mad love to their spouse. I hope this helps feedback if it does or doesnt k
D
Deleted member 1606
To be an addiction, clinically, it has to be something you put in your body that changes the body chemistry. As I said, there's a colloquial definition and a clinical one.
Addiction is such an emotionally loaded word, that it generates too much maya for my tastes. It can hamper understanding, because it seems to take responsibility away from the person.
Of course, other people will find it useful, but clinically we're talking about obsession, not addiction. And obsession puts it more under the person's control. Hence, the person takes more responsibility for the concern.
But my main point is to say, is this a problem? If it interferes with life and you never go out, then it's a problem. But if the root of the problem is simply guilt due to social taboos, then addiction takes the person in the wrong direction. It can lead to self identifying as a victim.
BTW, as a sex educator, I spoke to a Christian woman who wanted to stop masturbating because she felt it was wrong. I let her know my perspective on masturbation, but didn't dwell on it. I talked to her about different ways to sublimate her desire so that she could cut down on it.
In other words, what the person wants is more important than any dogma to me. Her concerns were legitimate even if I disagreed with her premise.
Does that answer your question?
Addendum: It's true that it could be a problem of avoidance. But speaking as a person who suffers a lack of normal endorphins, I can tell you that on the other hand, masturbation will release more endorphins and therefore possibly allow the person to function better.
I'm concerned that words can get in the way of self-understanding, so I think it's important to see this different perspective. Multiple perspectives undermine maya and therefore the person can make an informed decision with less prejudice.
Addiction is such an emotionally loaded word, that it generates too much maya for my tastes. It can hamper understanding, because it seems to take responsibility away from the person.
Of course, other people will find it useful, but clinically we're talking about obsession, not addiction. And obsession puts it more under the person's control. Hence, the person takes more responsibility for the concern.
But my main point is to say, is this a problem? If it interferes with life and you never go out, then it's a problem. But if the root of the problem is simply guilt due to social taboos, then addiction takes the person in the wrong direction. It can lead to self identifying as a victim.
BTW, as a sex educator, I spoke to a Christian woman who wanted to stop masturbating because she felt it was wrong. I let her know my perspective on masturbation, but didn't dwell on it. I talked to her about different ways to sublimate her desire so that she could cut down on it.
In other words, what the person wants is more important than any dogma to me. Her concerns were legitimate even if I disagreed with her premise.
Does that answer your question?
Addendum: It's true that it could be a problem of avoidance. But speaking as a person who suffers a lack of normal endorphins, I can tell you that on the other hand, masturbation will release more endorphins and therefore possibly allow the person to function better.
I'm concerned that words can get in the way of self-understanding, so I think it's important to see this different perspective. Multiple perspectives undermine maya and therefore the person can make an informed decision with less prejudice.
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- #11
anthony
Founder
Addiction stems many meaning in today's society... the wikipedia defines it as:
Out of the realm talking addiction, it has impacts if one is within a relationship and the partner finds it offensive. It is no different than say a male going to the pub several times a week for a drink with mates... if the partner believes it is an issue and disrupts the relationship, then it must be looked at and modified within reasonable standards or even ceased depending on the issue.
I have spoken with people about porn obsessions before, and it can get ugly. One persons partner had a serious issue with surfing for porn where he even did it in front of her, basically walked around with his notebook and where he stopped he surfed porn. He has since ceased all of this as it was found to be unhealthy and destructive to the relationship as a whole. What you do when single is one thing, but what you do when in a relationship is a whole other realm.
Basically... if you're addicted to surfing for porn where it hinders your life, you have a problem. If not... then its not an issue in my eyes. Substitute addiction for "dependence", and if you are dependant upon surfing for porn, ie. you cannot get through your day without doing it, then you have a problem that must be dealt with. Moderation is often the key to most things in life.
Out of the realm talking addiction, it has impacts if one is within a relationship and the partner finds it offensive. It is no different than say a male going to the pub several times a week for a drink with mates... if the partner believes it is an issue and disrupts the relationship, then it must be looked at and modified within reasonable standards or even ceased depending on the issue.
I have spoken with people about porn obsessions before, and it can get ugly. One persons partner had a serious issue with surfing for porn where he even did it in front of her, basically walked around with his notebook and where he stopped he surfed porn. He has since ceased all of this as it was found to be unhealthy and destructive to the relationship as a whole. What you do when single is one thing, but what you do when in a relationship is a whole other realm.
Just A Thought
Wouldnt the natural 'high' from the realse of natural endorphins, constitute as being 'changing body chemistry',,,,,,,, if so then in that description it could be called an addiction.
Not nessarily something to 'put in the body',,,,,, but an action to have caused the affect of changing the body chemistry.
Like adrenaline junkies, gambling addiction, etc.
But gettin back to the point, if this liking of pornography is likely to cause undue distress in your relationship, cause a negative impact in your life, then its something you might want to look at.
Personally if i was in your shoes, i would explore how your partner feels aboutt it, because if it could enhance your sex life with her and be more inimate with her, then it coild be used as a springboard for both of you to enjoy a healthy sex life and both benefit, and once that is achieved then who knows you might end up shying away from the porn, and be more intimate with your partner.
'every cloud has a silver lineing'
Wouldnt the natural 'high' from the realse of natural endorphins, constitute as being 'changing body chemistry',,,,,,,, if so then in that description it could be called an addiction.
Not nessarily something to 'put in the body',,,,,, but an action to have caused the affect of changing the body chemistry.
Like adrenaline junkies, gambling addiction, etc.
But gettin back to the point, if this liking of pornography is likely to cause undue distress in your relationship, cause a negative impact in your life, then its something you might want to look at.
Personally if i was in your shoes, i would explore how your partner feels aboutt it, because if it could enhance your sex life with her and be more inimate with her, then it coild be used as a springboard for both of you to enjoy a healthy sex life and both benefit, and once that is achieved then who knows you might end up shying away from the porn, and be more intimate with your partner.
'every cloud has a silver lineing'
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