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My therapist wants me to try TMS. She strongly recommended an IOP, despite telling her I’d done it three times and that, while helpful in some ways, it’s not what I need right now. I agreed to try TMS to avoid being pushed into another IOP, which previous therapists have done due to my chronic...

I've been struggling with a significant increase in emotional dysregulation and depression, primarily due to the conflicting relationship I have with my mother. My father was more emotionally abusive. He had a strict parenting style and adhered to the controlling beliefs from a fundamentalist...

I have not been in therapy that long. However, I have been passed around by various professionals in the field with the initial statement that they’ll help me learn ways to tackle my symptoms using their specialty/area of therapy to create a treatment plan that targets my goals. However, when...

My siblings and I all grew up in our parents religion. However, not all of us see the religion as being abusive. One of my siblings stated the religion as being a cult and found a different religion in Christianity. When reading what makes a religious abusive, I found myself checking a lot of...

I realized while visiting a friend that I’m no longer invested in friendships anymore. I still keep in contact with them more so out of obligation. But also it’s this mixing fear that if I stopped talking to everyone I’ll be alone; however, I have this strong desire to be alone. It’s...

I’m trying to figure out how to do a trauma timeline with mostly repressed memories. Since October of last year I’ve been slowly having memories again about the sexual abuse I went through. Though it only happens when I’m in a completely relaxed safe space. This is mostly achieved by being high...

Yesterday, an old phrase popped in my head again “Pull your panties down.” It appears sporadically, sometimes associated with anxiety other times with no known trigger at all. I realized that this phrase has been appearing for a while now and I never knew why. However, with the recent knowledge...

I’m trying to work on processing things more. So if it seems like I’m spam posting I do apologize. If my inner critic wasn’t loud before the loss of multiple friendships, it definitely is now. In the span of two years I lost seven friends, though that number doesn’t include the relationships I...

I’m debating if I should contact an old friend. She stated wanting to take a break from me when I told her I had a crush on her. This was back in early May. I know that this crush was just a trauma response in thinking that my female friendships will turn out like my abuser. Though I never...

This past week a childhood fear of the dark resurfaced. It’s an intense feeling. I’m scared to even describe it out of the fear of making it real. However, I don’t want things to get worse. I’m mostly scared of someone hurting me when I’m sleep. Hurting me in the sense of covering my mouth and...

I feel like my inner child liked the sexual abuse because they got aroused. I get aroused when I’m genuinely terrified. Even with talking about this in my in person support group I felt the fear arousal. My abuser made me feel special. She helped me with my loneliness. I loved her. As my other...

I’m trying to understand what I’m feeling towards my friend. I usually get excited when I’m around her and she’s like a social battery recharge. I fantasize about kissing her and sometimes when I’m with her I want to. Even though sometimes I think about what it’ll be like if we slept together...

I started masturbation I think at age nine following the end of the sexual abuse. I think I did it to continue the feel good emotion tied to the abuse. It was always compulsive and still feels out of control now. I want to stop because my inner child thinks it’s disgusting. I also read that if...

After considering how my case of childhood sexual abuse got thrown out because my abuser passed a lot detector test, I was wondering Should I seek out a lawyer? I understand that I should be radically accepting that I probably will never get justice but with the memories of sexual abuse piling...

I was wondering if other people got really high to dissociate in order to masturbate. Because my core self doesn’t want to but my bad post in regression does

If I call my abuser and record her asking why she did what she would that be harassment? And can she sue or arrest me for harassment? Or get a protection order? I messaged her in the last month asking if we can meet up and she was responding back to me asking why I want to meet. If she responds...

How does one progress past the discovery stage with intensive therapy? On a Wednesday of last month, I was acting weird. I asked my friend randomly if she had ever been assaulted even though our conversation didn't remind me or call it. Then later that day I took edibles of marijuana, got high...

Yesterday I had flashes of images of being raped by groomer with either a dildo or strap on. Even though I was under the influence of cannabis and I’ve read an article on false memory work with the power of suggestion; I don’t think this is fake. The images came out of nowhere I didn’t dwell on...

I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling. In a broad sense, I'm drained, I feel emotionally alone, and I feel crazy as if I'm a burden to those around me. I feel abandoned by my friend. We both were struggling mentally and trying to get our life together. Now she's happier and found someone...

This serves as a reflection guide for myself. Though I would appreciate insights or shared experiences. It's about the correlation of negative transference in my current relationships. I'm constantly seeking out someone who makes me feel less alone as if I'm important. Growing up I felt like I...

During my therapy session, we were discussing nightmares. I thought I wasn't afraid of them. However, a small voice in my head said "I want to go home." I ignored it and then a freeze response took over. I went stiff and I couldn't speak. I was consciously still in the room, aware of my...

I want to talk to the woman who groomed me as a child. I want to know what happened to me. If it was just grooming it if it led to sexual abuse. Even if she lies to me, if I talk to her again maybe I’ll regain my memories. I’m just tired of feeling like a dramatic liar.

After talking with a fellow member I’ve been trying to be more compassionate to younger me, and she opened up to me. She said “I feel sad again, about my friend not being home in the morning. (she just got in a relationship this past year and when she moved in with us over time she started...

I previously posted about wanting to be affectionate with my friend. Though I realized it was due to being a trauma state after a falling out with my previous therapist that I had negative transference with, it did make me wonder if I do like girls or not, and if I do have a crush on my best...

I thought it will be cool to list books that helped in your journey to healing. It can be any book that somehow benefitTed you. Rather it be “Sexual Healing” or a fictional book that helped give you a new perspective on life. After listing the book describe what what you were feeling before...