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5 Things I'm Thinking Today

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1. Can life just pause for a while?
2. I just can't
3. Thank god for sleep
4. I know there is a lot to do, but washing dishes and getting dressed seems like big tasks right now, let alone the rest
5. How did I get myself so stuck again??
 
1. Swear to God it must be seasonal depression with Covid, everyone wants to ask you out. Always happens in October. And when you dont want to go.
2. Can't find what's on your mind thread. Just want to get out of here.
 
1. Am thankful despite how I felt, I was able to make many people laugh. I think I officially know a liittle bit how some comedians may feel. I think it's the only way for me.
2. Words are painful, even from respected people when I can't agree because of my experiences.
3. I think a lot of people hide a lot of things. I think I minimized all my life. But even when I did speak up, and then it became most obvious, I was asked why didn't I say it? But I did, they didn't listen.
4. I heard today not being grounded ends in ego, jealousy and envy. But I think an absence of those, or things like anger, etc, is abnormal. It comes from minimizing, and just surviving. There can't be wants if needs hang in the balance. There is no additional insecurity because there's never security, or security itself is suspect. The dangers come from what others don't see, or it's hard to avoid seeing but they lie until it's too obvious.
5. I won't write more whining (whine-and-cheese). I was taught fix it, preferably by yourself, or STFU. I think it's hard for others to understand, or envision, even if they wanted to. They don't understand not speaking of the unspeakable, or minmizing what is maximum, or needing to survive, or choose to stop trying. They mistake being ready to drop as confidence, though yes, it's not caring. They don't understand fear in the same way, and they've not understood dropping one's guard is not a small feat. It's lonelier or isolating to not be understood. It's a relief to not have to try to be. It's a relief to separate, to leave, to cut ties. It is best for all.
(6.) All I did manage to do was eat a LOT of birthday cake, and give a homeless person a pie. Who would rather have had ciggies, I am sure, but I vape.
 
-I need to get better at brushing my teeth regularly
-I’m more religious than I once thought
-I miss my dog
-Some people just don’t understand anxiety
-I really should set up my tv
 
1. All the ways my partner lifts me up and helps me heal, even when I get upset.
2. How alone I was for such a long time and how I wasn't really living.
3. I miss my cats.
4. I'm looking forward to seeing my kids soon and an upcoming vacation.
5. I'm super grateful to have found this site.
 
Having the house to myself is bliss!
I wish my headache would go away
I want chocolate and gummy worms
I don't want to drive tonight
I know that people mean well but I wish they would stop asking how I am doing like they are expecting me to just be better now
I need a nap
 
☆ Storage is extortionately expensive
☆ How in the f*cking hell do I make an abstraction expressionist landscape with reference to Lee f*cking Krasner?
☆ Ggggrrrrrrrr mumble mumble
Got too much f*cking stuff....
☆ There there the Teasel, you are chipping away at things
☆ Yes that's happening.
 
I was tested twice, in the hospital, for Covid-19 and my PCP, (Primary Care Physician), tells me that the type of test I took has produced a lot of false negatives and she wants me tested again...

...*(I think that if I did have covid the worst is over.)

I think that the belief that I will see my family again one day is the only thing that gets me through the grief.

I think people need to return to the old ways when people farmed their own food, neighbors helped one another out, and the honor system actually worked. A return to simple times. It just seems right to me, but also impractical at this point in time.

I think I am overly idealistic. I also think I have a very vivid imagination which as an adult, is not always my friend.

I think too much. (Oopsie, that's like 7 things.... see what I mean?).
 
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