Am i expecting too much from t?

[barefoot]

It is so crazy, the love/hate.

I certainly find the push/pull intense sometimes. And I don't experience it with anyone else so that has come as quite a shock and I give myself quite a hard time about it.

Would love to stay updated on how your session goes if you say something like that!!

Will let you know :-)

 

[Rumors]

I've ALWAYS done that. Like if anyone starts to argue with me it's never been worth my time to...

Sounds like you have worked a lot of things out in your head. It also sounds like you are realizing that there are some things you can do that might be supportive for you during hard times. Great job... hang in there!

 

[whiteraven]

You remind me of me, when I first came here and had similar issues with my therapist. People gave me...

I had a very similar experience with a female therapist who insisted at the start of our relationship that would always be around. She closed her practice less than 2 years later and I had a hard time finding another therapist who treated DID in my area in the same flexible, non-traditional way she did. When I got my new therapist and he started saying he "wasn't going anywhere," I cautioned him not to say that. Big trigger now.

 

[whiteraven]

@UnicornSightings I have also been following this thread - came to it just tonight - and just wanted to say I can relate very well to the disappointment and anger you describe in your first post. I think you are doing an absolutely amazing job, working through your feelings about this incident and kudos for going on the trip by yourself!

 

[EveHarrington]

IMHO it's irresponsible for any kind of professional to promise they will always be around!

 

[UnicornSightings]

IMHO it's irresponsible for any kind of professional to promise they will always be around![/QUOT...

She never said she'd always be aroudn

 

[EveHarrington]

She never said she'd always be aroudn

Wasn't replying to you. Was replying to a reply.

 

[Butterflies2023]

Carefully read what you wrote. I hear a child vein let down by a parent or both over and over again. And now with this T. The more it happens the more frustration because there no trust. Over and over again. So of course you should expect the T to be there - of all people certainly your T. Because she said she would be. Shame on her for not showing up. Sick or not. The T should never made that commitment period because she was not mature enough to meet that commitment at her level of profession (not sure how experienced the T is). Then her comment to you is lacking sincereity and I find shallow. Again inexperience. It's sounds like a tug of war - wanting to get close but not to close causing hurt in between. I imagine transference from you do to sad unfulfilled relationships as young toddler and understandably making you more sensitive to anything gone wry as was the case - very sorry and I know you are strong enough to dry your wings and fly on. You and I will march on until we find the T that knows themselves well enough to help us know ourselves

 

[UnicornSightings]

Carefully read what you wrote. I hear a child vein let down by a parent or both over and over...

Thank you for commenting. What I find most interesting about what you wrote is how fiercely I wanted to defend my t to you. I was thinking of all these points I would make and then realized how important and urgent it was for me to defend her. That's really interesting. Yeah, you're right about being let down repeatedly as a child. And I also always defended my mother fiercely. I don't think my t had any obligation to me in the sense that I never officially asked for help with it. I expressed fear and worry initially when I booked the trip (months ago) but week after week I didn't bring it up or I would say I wasn't anxious about it yet. I don't know if my t is right for me in the sense that I see her through my transference glasses but those glasses tell me she didn't do anything wrong and had I asked for help and explained what kind of help I wanted/needed she would've done her best. I think, at least. So interesting how they mother/child dynamic is so prevalent in every interaction whether directly with her or about her. Psychology is fascinating. And frustrating as all hell.

Thank you! And I definitely AM sensitive to pretty much anything she says/does. There's that hypervigilance that reads every micromovement. Had to be good at that as a kid because my mom had a hairpin trigger with her rage.