Anyone Have Trouble Squaring Their Functionality And How Bad They Feel?

[Deleted member 28403]

@FridayJones
This is an interesting thing... I think I've fallen for that trap myself quite a lot :(

 

[Ocean5]

@Link Removed Kinda how I ended up on this forum year ago. Been at top, or near, of several different careers. Each time something happens that makes my PTSD much worse (mostly not work related.)

People always assumed I had such a good life, and everything was peaceful about me. But they were clueless. Sure at work I seemed calm even in stressful positions, but they didn't know panic attacks I had when not there, and other PTSD symptoms. I didn't even realize what was happening to me until past 2 years. I was just focused on work, and finding ways to calm by body and mind.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

...the only piece of devils advocacy I'll play here is to be very careful of seeking sympathy instead of seriousness. I hate sympathy, & Ive done this. :facepalm: Seen others do it countless times. To be very clear, I'm not saying you are mistaking the two, it's just a lesson I've learned in my own life, to ask myself 'if I think I'm not being taken seriously because someone isn't oozing sympathy at me?

Thank you for this reminder - this is something that, admittedly, I struggle with sometimes. But I don't think its sympathy per say that I am after - just the love and care and unconditional support I never got as a child. I think I confuse love and sympathy sometimes. It's a constant struggle.

How did you form that assessment? I accept that they are not giving you the signals that you would understand to mean "I am taking you seriously." I don't yet know whether the problem is the signals they are sending, or whether your expectations of those signals are out of alignment with the way that mental health professionals behave.

I'm reacting to a phone call I had with a potential new therapist and their reaction to my questions about meeting multiple times a week (right after they were asking if I was on disability- implication being that if I wasn't on disability it meant I was fine). I think it's probably a combination of me being overly sensitive and others not taking me seriously. But I'm not sure what the breakdown is.

As far as friends, however, I've had people flat out tell me that they don't believe I'm depressed because I don't act like it. So, people are definitely not believing my level of distress - I'm not making it up completely.

 

[BlueOrange]

I'm not making it up completely.

I had no doubt that there's a rational basis for your assessment. And people without mental health expertise can be very painfully ignorant; they don't understand how depression works, and they can't believe that you're suffering from a mental illness unless you're either moping about all the time, or frothing at the mouth with rage.

I've found it very difficult to form relationships with therapists, and struggled mightily with the (very good) therapist that I've been seeing since 2003. The therapists worth sticking with are the ones where you can discuss problems in the therapeutic relationship and feel that you're being treated with respect.

And, one of the tragedies of healthcare is that there isn't enough healthcare to go around. So, while a high-functioning person might well benefit from intensive care, a low-functioning person is going to be the priority a lot of the time. It doesn't mean that the high-functioning person doesn't need or deserve help, but much of the time the professionals are helping everybody as little as they can afford to help them and still get positive results.

So, all in all, the view you're expressing makes sense. People are asking questions aimed at finding out what the minimum level of help is that they can give you, and that does kinda suck. However, this doesn't automatically mean that they don't think you deserve help (although some of them may well think that, it can happen).

This stuff is tricky.

 

[SabrinaB]

I'm not high functioning but somehow give off the impression that I am. Even at my worst I almost always manage to put on a good face when I walk out the door. I think it's a serious concern if therapists don't take us seriously. Some of us have perfected the art of hiding in plain site and we need someone to see through us.

Had my biggest panic attack ever after seeing a therapist I was referred to during the first year after diagnosis. There were many red flags that this wasn't a safe arrangement for me. The most telling happened within the first few minutes of meeting. He asked what I wanted to get out of therapy. I was pretty numb and overwhelmed and the only thing that came to mind was help with coping strategies so that's what I replied. His response back to me: "I've seen many people who need help with coping and you are not one of them".

In hindsight I should have walked out at that moment!! So I have a sense of what you're getting at. I think early impression biases are worrisome, especially for those of us who excel at overcompensating.

 

[Sandstone]

I have trouble not listening to the logic of the people who assume I must be fine, plus, after a while it's hard to sort out what is normal and what isn't.

This goes round and round inside my head. A large part of the last two therapy sessions has been me saying " But if everyone except you thinks I'm OK and need no support, then I must be wrong. I can't be ill" T says that others, including MH professionals hold up a blank mirror to me, they don't reflect back the distress I'm experiencing, even when I tell them about it.

I suspect it is because, in order to speak, the emotions have to be packed up somewhere else, so they see someone saying one thing and appearing another,

 

[Glara]

Well, as a supporter, I can say it's hard for me to wrap my head around sometimes. I had to delete my sufferer from Facebook because his updates contradicted what he was telling me and it was too hard to deal with. He posted he was going on vacation, which he never told me. I felt hurt that he didn't even tell me so I texted and said that I guess he's doing better now. He answered that he isn't really going on vacation but going into a psych hospital, please don't tell anyone.

It's things like that. I DO know how bad it gets for him but in spite of that, when I see him act like everything is ok, it's hard not to question. In this case I have an emotional attachment which makes it worse in some ways, but it's also how I know the truth about him. I don't know if I'm explaining correctly. I'm just trying to say that he puts up a happy front, and he works all the time, so many hours, and he's been at his job over 25 years. You'd never guess what goes on inside of him, based on what he shows to the world.

 

[jaccat]

I think Scout had it, you need to find the right therapist. I'd guess the majority of people in my life don't have the faintest idea about my struggles, but to an extent that's because I separate so much of my life into boxes- work/home/family/past etc. But when I started seeing my T I reckon she was figuring me out minutes into our first session, and not necessarily because of anything I said. You're at a disadvantage with phone assessments. Good therapists read your body language as much as listen to your voice.

At the same time I think there are people in my life who do pick up clues without my being aware of it. An example- when I was at uni I regularly saw a counsellor at the same time each week. I never told my housemates a thing until we were graduating when they informed me that they had noticed my regular absences, had even considered following me, and had eventually figured out something like what I was telling them.

As for people who think just because you're working it means you're fine, they haven't got a clue what they're talking about.

 

[Panda Bear]

Indeed....

But let me tell you, It's catching up with me fast!! Like a freight train at 100mph, I'm loosing my ability to hide it from myself as well as others. It's like a flood, my PTSD seems to be spilling everywhere I go and on everything I do.

Sticky toddler handprints, that stain every surface.

Finding a fantastically talented therapist helped, he can see through my bullshit a mile away and picks up on my funks and knows when I'm hurting more than I let on....

Come to find out, I'm not as high functioning as I thought.

 

[Tinyflame]

"I've seen many people who need help with coping and you are not one of them".

Yep, pretty ironic, isn't it. :(

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

It doesn't mean that the high-functioning person doesn't need or deserve help, but much of the time the professionals are helping everybody as little as they can afford to help them and still get positive results.

I feel like this is part of the problem. This was how I felt as a child - I was quiet, I was well-behaved. No one saw me. I fell through the cracks. I feel like the same thing is happening now.

I suspect it is because, in order to speak, the emotions have to be packed up somewhere else, so they see someone saying one thing and appearing another

Yes - the emotions don't show. I pack them away. I have to. The problem is that the words don't match. And I have trouble getting people to pay attention to my words instead of my outward appearance. But, I have no idea how to integrate my emotions into my outward appearance, so I don't know how to fix this.

Come to find out, I'm not as high functioning as I thought.

This is what I'm so, so, so afraid of.

 

[Sandstone]

Or maybe we need to accept our utter selfishness in pretending we are in need when we aren't. Grow up a bit, and let the professionals get on with helping the people who actually are in need. Maybe we need to stop running round shouting ME, ME, ME pay attention to me and take responsibility for our own lives instead of expecting others to do it.