Artist With Demons

[Scorpigrow]

I'm an Iraq war veteran who served with 2/3 Infantry in Ft. Lewis. I served in Iraq for 1 year and saw some horrible stuff. I was diagnosed with Severe combat PTSD almost 6 months ago, but lived with the symptoms for 8 years because I was told by my Infantry brothers that only the weak get it. Well I guess that turned out to be a lie. None-the-less I do have it and it has made my life amazingly difficult. I want to connect with others who deal with this mental plague and find out new ways to put a smile back on my face.

 

[richie80]

Welcome. I am new to this group but have found it a good place to be with people who understand.

 

[Spock]

Welcome home Scorpio...you have friends here:
Unfortunately likely all of us were never provided the truth before combat in the same manner as other safety or first aid actions. Hence why you were mislead about "only the weak 'get it' " as if is a disease one could catch, or thus "avoid." The fact is only the strong deal with it, the weak, or ignorant, don't. It is a physiological reality, a physical combat wound that forever changes your brain and cannot be healed. But you can learn to live with it and move on but that will take much effort, many baby steps. The first being understanding you are not crazy, just injured. Start with the media section. There are many resources here and battle buddies to help move you start tracking on new coordinates to being a stronger combat wounded warrior. Best!

 

[fwduff]

Welcome

 

[LIllabeth]

Scorpigrow,

I am very new to this site as well and have found more understanding and wisdom and peace of mind here than in 7 months of seeing doctors.

As to one being "weak" for having PTSD, one of my docs explained why some develop PTSD and others don't like this:

People who develop PTSD have certain abilities and traits in abundance, namely: compassion, understanding, empathy, devotion to duty and excellent memories - all classic traits of what one wants to see in a soldier
After the trigger event(s), the amygdala and hippocampus are damaged and the patient's abilities and traits start to work against them - especially the "ability to remember exact details clearly leading to flash backs, nightmares and intrusive thoughts. The meds are used to compensate for the damage to these parts of the brain, hopefully only until said time when the patient builds new neural pathways or learns coping strategies through therapy

Maybe my long winded explanation will help you, because it has been one of the few explanations that I have heard that helps me feel like less of a failure as a soldier because I have PTSD.

 

[Scorpigrow]

Scorpigrow,

I am very new to this site as well and have found more understanding and wisdom and peace of mind here than in 7 months of seeing doctors.

As to one being "weak" for having PTSD, one of my docs explained why some develop PTSD and others don't like this:

People who develop PTSD have certain abilities and traits in abundance, namely: compassion, understanding, empathy, devotion to duty and excellent memories - all classic traits of what one wants to see in a soldier
After the trigger event(s), the amygdala and hippocampus are damaged and the patient's abilities and traits start to work against them - especially the "ability to remember exact details clearly leading to flash backs, nightmares and intrusive thoughts. The meds are used to compensate for the damage to these parts of the brain, hopefully only until said time when the patient builds new neural pathways or learns coping strategies through therapy

Maybe my long winded explanation will help you, because it has been one of the few explanations that I have heard that helps me feel like less of a failure as a soldier because I have PTSD.

Wow! I've never read or heard that explanation of why we get it. I believe it though. I sit around sad for all those that are harmed or abused. My heart breaks that humans can't get along. I am very loving, compassionate, and kind. I would rather think that that is the reason I got it. And that would be the reason an infantry soldier would call it weakness, we were taught that emotions are pointless.

Thanks so much for that explanation. It really makes me happy that the reasons I love myself so much are the reason I got PTSD. I'd rather die with compassion in my heart than live uncaring.

 

[Scorpigrow]

Welcome home Scorpio...you have friends here:
Unfortunately likely all of us were never provided the truth before combat in the same manner as other safety or first aid actions. Hence why you were mislead about "only the weak 'get it' " as if is a disease one could catch, or thus "avoid." The fact is only the strong deal with it, the weak, or ignorant, don't. It is a physiological reality, a physical combat wound that forever changes your brain and cannot be healed. But you can learn to live with it and move on but that will take much effort, many baby steps. The first being understanding you are not crazy, just injured. Start with the media section. There are many resources here and battle buddies to help move you start tracking on new coordinates to being a stronger combat wounded warrior. Best!

Spock,
Thank you for your words of encouragement. I like the idea of thinking I'm injured not crazy. My wife has called me crazy, in her defense I was acting-a-fool, but the thought hurt my soul so much. I don't think I'm crazy, even she apologized and agreed I'm sane. But injuries can make the mind seem crazy. It makes more sense now.

I will check out the media section.

 

[Jimmy1]

Welcome mate.

 

[Spock]

...I don't think I'm crazy...But injuries can make the mind seem crazy. It makes more sense now. ....

You're not crazy brother. In general, your coping mechanisms are overwhelmed. We all make fun of being "crazy" since Behavioral Health is our treatment destination. Left untreated, you can become crazy, especially if self-medication gets out of control.

This is a medically well documented combat injury that makes physical changes to the brain, especially if mTBI or other physical combat wounds are also present. There are many articles that explain this from many sources.

The only thing that is crazy is when someone uses it as an excuse to misbehave. That is a deliberate choice made with purpose. Too much self medication to escape.

Here's another slant the government uses: if one is actually "crazy" (assuming it is known) you cannot get a Top Secret security clearance because you are no trustworthy. But when you apply for the highest clearance, once you tell them you have a PTSD diagnosis, Gov't investigators cannot ask you anything further about your PTSD -- the topic is off limits as it would be discrimination. The only thing that would preclude you from getting a clearance in this case is if you violated the law purposefully, again, because that is a trust issue and you're more susceptible to blackmail.

PTSD, just like migraines, seizures, or missing limbs, does not make us violate the law. Being unlawful is a deliberate decision or choice that may or may not have anything to do with PTSD.

Stay safe, stay strong...

 

[Spock]

... the amygdala and hippocampus are damaged....

Bingo! The brain is physically "damaged" (injured) -- there is a permanent physiological changed to brain tissue as the result of a combat injury

 

[Jimmy1]

This is why they struggle to determine whether changes to the brain are a result of TBI or PTSD as they both do it, and is why some symptoms are similar. But you can get TBI by playing contact sport or falling off a skateboard and why the VA's around the world try and screw you. For a veteran claiming both PTSD and TBI, PTSD should take precedence, it will take away a lot of doubt, otherwise the VA will look right back into your private life to anything that could of helped cause your TBI.

Just saying.

 

[LIllabeth]

There is an American group that is seeking to change the name from PTSD to PTSI - I took the following excerpt from their web page all one word post traumatic stress injury dot organization (sorry for the messed up URL but I am blocked from posting links)

• But the name has also been a source of stigma. The “D” in PTSD, the word, “disorder,” discourages some from seeking care, from revealing their condition and from feeling a sense of honor, when their PTSD is just as honorable as any physical injury. When an injury is earned in battle, awards are given. There is no Purple Heart for PTSD. While the APA uses the term, “disorder,” for most diagnoses, there are many diagnoses without that word, Anorexia, Bulimia, Parasomnia, Social Phobia to name a few.
• The former Vice Chief of Staff of the Army, an advocate for reducing the stigma of PTSD, argues strongly in favor of dropping that word, “disorder,” because, “disorder” perpetuates a bias and “has the connotation of being something that is a pre-existing problem that an individual has” before they came into the Army and “makes the person seem weak.”

Personally, I think the change would be a positive one - other thoughts anyone?