Relationship Best guy i ever met-shut me out

[Serendipity424]

You're close! Two of those connections for me and they were far apart. The only thing lacking in y...

I appreciate you taking time to respond to me, I am not sure what you mean by I called him out, can you explain, I would like to know if he comes back what I need to do:) you said that was very strong just not sure what part. Thank you!

 

[Linzee]

@Linzee you gave me hope and I am learning patience. I am doing my thing and...

If it helps support you, I truly believe you have the right approach there. I say that purely from personal experience, it has worked for me to be patient and a stable constant.
I cannot stress enough how content, happy and strong you need to be within yourself and own life with or without that special person. They cannot lean on you if yourself cannot stand up! Sounds like you have it all covered though, just buckle up for the ride.

 

[Serendipity424]

If it helps support you, I truly believe you have the right approach there. I say that purely from perso...

I am really learning a lot, about myself and about PTSD, I am in this for sure and everyday I get stronger so when he is ready I can be there in the way that is needed for him. I just hope I did not make the mistake of not understanding PTSD and him not talking about it that I pushed him further away. He knows where I am. I really do appreciate the kind words and every day he does cross my mind, I know he cannot control this and at some point he will feel safe to come back and we can talk about it and what I can do in the future to not to push him further away (I know what I have to do) I just would like to hear from him on what to expect during the times he needs space:-) I will not give up and I will continue to educate myself every day. I am buckled and ready to go!!! Thank you!

 

[talon]

I have never belonged to a forum or have requested support before. I need this now because I am...

have you told him this and does he have DID or is it PTSD as DID is a more extreme PTSD which can mean relationships can be difficult and complex. Remember love conquers all. And if you love him tell him how you feeling and your concerns for him . You have nothing to lose but your MR right if you know what i mean

 

[Serendipity424]

have you told him this and does he have DID or is it PTSD as DID is a more extreme PTSD which can...

He is still not speaking to me, so I have not been able to talk with him about any of this. if I could only share what was exchanged between us, it was the most beautiful things ever said. He told me he had PTSD but we never discussed anything further and I didn't really understand it until now. I hope he will talk to me one day so we can talk about it. This all happened the day after he said he was falling in love with me. I told him I was not expecting that, he said good or bad expecting, I didn't respond and he came back with- " I know I never felt like this before.. EVER. No on has EVER made me feel so good about myself. you are all I want, all I ever dreamed of and so much more. you are perfect in my eyes. I know we won't ALWAYS get along perfectly no one does but I feel you are worth any arguments or disagreements... you, you are worth everything to me" then he said is that bad? I then said is it bad that I feel the same and he said no way, he was so happy. The next day, he didn't answer my calls or texts which was not like him, he then called back and said his phone died. I said that is ok I was worried. He said I over reacted and has spoken to me once since and in the text it said I miss talking to you I do, I just can't do it. I know it is hard for me to understand and he is refusing to talk to me right now so I am just being patient now. I hope he talks to me again. I miss him.

 

[Bradford]

I have never belonged to a forum or have requested support before. I need this now because I am...

I have experienced very similar and from the short time that I have been here what you and I have both experienced seems very typical. I do not know the answer. I am involved with someone with PTSD and it is like a roller coaster ride. A few weeks ago, all was great; starting a few days ago she has distanced herself from me and says it is done. (She has done this several times now).

I personally am at wits end. I wish I had words of encouragement for you but I am losing the battle, I fear.

 

[Serendipity424]

I have experienced very similar and from the short time that I have been here what you and I have both...

How long have you been dating? It does help to come here and talk about it, at least for me. It is a roller coaster ride for sure. If he never reaches out to me again there was a reason he came into my life for just a short time. I never want to give up and I know how frustrating it is because no matter how hard you try and how you think your words can help them, I have learned there is nothing we can do. I hope he knows I am there. I hope he feels he can always come to me. He did tell me he has PTSD but sometimes I question myself maybe he just did this to me for some other reason and it's not the PTSD but what else could it be, I makes sense it is PTSD but I don't know that for sure. I miss him. I am sorry you are going through the same and of you ever want to talk, I will listen:)

 

[Linzee]

I would never want to give anyone false hope but the general pattern of behaviour with PTSD shut outs is that people do often return. Obviously varying lengths of time will differ from person to person. Some people speak of having no contact for hours at at time to YEARS at a time. I think once you know him and his pattern better, you will be able to recognise and prepare for it each time. It will be an ongoing situation until consistent help is sought.

Its like staring up at a 50ft wave wanting to reach them and are treading water trapped behind it. You can't stop the inevitable, you both kinda have to hold on tight to something and ride it out until it passes and quiets again.

I hadn't seen my guy for 4 months since beginning of February. Phone/text contact was very minimal too. I saw him for the first time again 2 weeks ago and hugged him so tight for so long he had to say "go easy..." and laughed. I apologised to which he told me not to be silly. But I said it was because I didn't know when I would see him next so had to take my chance now. He is a very affectionate person and one good thing about shut outs is that it proves to both people whether or not absence really does make the heart grow fonder and if as a team, you're strong enough to make it.

The last 4 months has not been our longest time apart but it has been the toughest. I think the flood of emotions and rib cage breaking, bear hug embrace overflowed his cup all over again and he has gone away to have time to figure out what to do with them/me? I was surprised how overwhelmed and emotional I was too so he must have freaked the F out! Still, it communicates one very important thing...for which I am grateful and happy.

 

[Serendipity424]

I would never want to give anyone false hope but the general pattern of behaviour with PTSD shut outs is...

@Linzee you made me hopeful, smile, smile again and cry all in your message. I do feel like we all have loheve for the same person, I know I said this before. I did not realize so many others were going through this and it makes me feel better to have a place where you can go for comfort, advice and laughs!! I would give anything to change the situation, I would never ever want to change him... he is perfect.

 

[Serendipity424]

@Linzee you made me hopeful, smile, smile again and cry all in your message....

I know no one is perfect, he is perfect for me!

 

[Friday]

have you told him this and does he have DID or is it PTSD as DID is a more extreme PTSD which can mean relationships can be difficult and complex. Remember love conquers all.

DID is not a more extreme form of PTSD. They are 2 wholly different disorders.

I think the huge number of people in, struggling to leave, or who have left abusive relationships; who have PTSD from domestic violence; who have lost those they love due to domestic violence; as well as supporters who have lost their PTSD sufferers due to symptoms or suicide would beg to disagree. Loving someone doesn't make them treat you how you need, want, or deserve to be treated. Loving someone doesn't fix them. Loving someone can't prevent their death, nor bring them back. Love has never conquered all, outside of fairytales. Life is not a fairytale*.

* Courtesy of @Sighs

 

[Sweetpea76]

I would never want to give anyone false hope but the general pattern of behaviour with PTSD shut outs is that people do often return.

Do you have the data to back that up?

A lot do not come back.

For instance, the divorce rates for vets with PTSD is more than twice that of other vets. The rate for MULTIPLE divorces is much higher too. It's not a pretty picture, but it's the kind of thing we learn from the VA. It so we have our eyes open to the reality of the situation. Open eyes are part of self care. It's for our own good.