Relationship Best guy i ever met-shut me out

[lostforgottensoul]

I never said he was perfect, I said he was perfect for me.

He is perfect for me. I will never leave him. What not what not. No one is "perfect for you" in my opinion.

You are not reading what you are quoting. You are in defense mode which means you aren't listening.

There is no fairytale expectations

I disagree

I just want to understand and be there when others are not. Is that so bad?

No, but that's not what I am reading, at all! I am reading a lot of fairytale BS, in my opinion. Sorry to be harsh but you are defending at every corner and not taking in anything. You aren't trying to understand what we are all typing but rather defending why he is perfect for you and stuff that isn't real in real world relationships.

Anyway, I am out. Good luck to you!

 

[Serendipity424]

You are not reading what you are quoting. You are in defense mode which means you aren't lis...

I appreciate all the advice, I came here to understand and I will take everything I learned and appreciate it. If he talks to me again I will be more understanding and if he doesn't I am glad I came here. I wish I had known earlier and I know now what I need to and there is a reason for it. I will not stop researching and hoping and praying for everyone that has to go through this. I have so much compassion. I wish I could put into words where you would understand, the stroke I had last year has affected me and how things come across when I type them out and sometimes it is difficult for me to put into words.

 

[DharmaGirl]

If you wait for him and take him back, you are just encouraging the behavior. I can't remember if he is in therapy, but it takes a long time to heal, and if he wants a relationship, he needs therapy or some sort of professional help. By taking him back, you are enabling him to not get help. What is having an absent relationship doing for you? What are you getting out of it? That "someday" you will have love, thus putting it off in the future, and have it be everything you want if you were only to wait? I really encourage you to read, Attached by Amir Levine. It will explain a lot and you can learn how to proceed. Not what anyone wants you to do, what you want to do.

 

[dulcia]

Love didn't conquer the hair he ripped out of my head.
Love didn't conquer the bruises the doorknob leaves on my back.
Love didn't conquer the fear I felt when he said he was going to slit my dog's throat and hang him from the ceiling for me to find.
Love didn't conquer the fear I felt when he said he was going to slit my throat and bury me in the backyard.

I saw a true PTSD escalation early on from my SO. Within the first 3-6 months, maybe even earlier, I saw him lose his sh*t and rage in public over something (that seemed) trivial. I'm not talking about an isolation or an off-handed or misleading commenting, I mean a full on blow out. And I have seen much worse from him since. PTSD is so unpredictable. No one here can tell you what will or won't happen because some of us in long term relationships with our sufferers still get caught of guard in our relationship, despite being with/living with them for years.

In my opinion, we as humans like to think and feel that we are special. That the way we feel is special, that the people we have in our lives are special, and that our situation is special. We're not as special as we think we are. We're not as unique as we like to think, and our situations certainly aren't unique. Those things I listed at the beginning of my post? Don't think for one second that they can't happen to you or they won't happen to you, because they can. And if you are in a relationship with someone with unmanaged PTSD (unmanaged meaning not participating in or seeking treatment of one or more kind)? Then those things can definitely happen to you, especially if you aren't able to establish good boundaries and self care (like I have struggled with). And that list's not even the half of it.

I'm not talking directly to just you, @Serendipity424, but to other commenters, as well. Hope is a wonderful thing. But it can also be a dangerous thing. That's my two cents buzzkill.

 

[Serendipity424]

Love didn't conquer the hair he ripped out of my head.
Love didn't conquer the bruises the doorknob...

@tiredtexan I am sorry you have to go through all of that. Our relationship we had for the short time was beautiful. I know he will not come back, I am not saying that is a good or bad thing, I wish his words would have been true. He really did say some amazing things, but the one little thing I did to make him mad was so small it's over. I said what I needed and I tried to be there but like you said unmanaged PTSD is horrible, he also had a very bad childhood, he will not seek help and he will continue to do the same thing he did to me to other woman. Sad but true, sometimes I think we are all talking about the same man and wish I knew if any of these other posts were also about him. I just hope one day he wakes up and gets some therapy. I hate to do this and if he ever needed me as a friend I would be there but letting him go now is what I need to do. I will still come here because this forum has made me feel so many things and has been so helpful. Thanks everyone for the advice and support XOXOXO

 

[DharmaGirl]

Hugs, I know this has been hard for you. I do hope you stay on.

 

[Serendipity424]

Hugs, I know this has been hard for you. I do hope you stay on.

@DharmaGirl I know I did not respond to you last message and I appreciate you being there. I am not giving up on him as a person, I will continue to hope he gets the help he needs so he can raise his beautiful children and maybe eventually be happy in love. It is a shame these soldiers, men, husbands, sons go and fight so selflessly for us and have to come back home where it never feels like home again.... this is not his fault and I do not blame him. I miss him and I was lucky to have him cross my path for that short time, ha maybe one day he will even read this! I think meeting him made me a better person, made me realize not to ever judge people because you never know what they are going through. It has taught me a lot about myself and I would not change meeting him for anything!!

 

[Serendipity424]

@DharmaGirl I know I did not respond to you last message and I appreciate yo...

I also want to add women, moms, daughters.... I did not mean to leave everyone out. What these loving people do for our country and have to come home to deal with is so heartbreaking I just hope one day there is help and an answer. Thank you everyone!!!!

 

[Serendipity424]

everyone

anyone *

 

[DharmaGirl]

I don't know if it's true, but I've heard the VA is starting a program to help soldiers readjust to home life. If it is true, it would help a lot of people.

 

[Serendipity424]

I don't know if it's true, but I've heard the VA is starting a program to help soldiers readjust to...

That would be amazing and that is what they should do. There is no help for coming home. I wish there was something I could do. I will not give up hope that there is help and guidance for everyone coming home. That is the right thing to do.

 

[Maxie]

Did he ever come back?