Boundaries in unconditional love

[Dynamic]

@Friday thank you this will help

Didn’t know where to put this

Heard something on the radio about - unconditional love is healthy, it’s good but it can’t be unconditional boundaries!

I pulled over to make a note:

unconditional love vs / > unconditional boundaries

What would unconditional boundaries mean if that’s what I heard?

What do you think?

I think it means, boundaries should not be moved for loved ones…or something like this

Reminds me of the book I almost finished now

When Pleasing Others is Hurting You - Dr. David Hawkins

 

[Teamwork]

Loving unconditionally is based on not having to earn it, prove yourself first, be anything but who you are. That being said when we are who we are, we tend to do things that need a line drawn or two or more for some that we need to understand not to cross with people. Drawing line is the boundary, the love itself doesn’t change. Boundaries are important as they are actually loving ways to guide or instil values in children so that they have a moral compass.

 

[Sideways]

What do you think?

I think that people who spruik ‘unconditional love’ have their head in the sand.

Abuse happens, every day of the damn week. Loving someone unconditionally, through abuse, is self destructive.

 

[intothelight]

To me, unconditional love applies only to the love, but not behavior. For example, having a family member or friend that is an addict, a person must not become an enable as that hurts all parties. However, you don't withdraw love, just withdraw the behaviors that are damaging by setting boundaries. Just my .02.

 

[arfie]

When Pleasing Others is Hurting You - Dr. David Hawkins

i am not familiar with doctor hawkins, but he nailed my own approach to unconditional love in this very quote. whether i am pillow talking with the love of my life, in the midst of a negation on behalf of my foster children or trying to get past a glitch in the gas pump with a store clerk on their first day of work. is pleasing others hurting me? let us back up and reassess, my friend. if this exchange is hurting me, it is probably hurting you, as well. done well or done badly, love is a dance we do together.

unconditional boundaries? isn't that a bit like f*cking for virginity? my boundaries are highly conditional and will change with the conditions. if you don't like it, you can take your love ball and go home. in the case of my hubby, we need different boundaries for a CPS meeting than we need for convincing the five year old she needs underwear with her princess costume. the child-safe makeup kit she got with her princess costume is another set of boundaries, entirely.

but that is me and every case is unique. . .

steadying support while you sort your own.

 

[Movingforward10]

I've got no idea what an unconditional boundary would be or what that means?

Unconditional love , I agree with how others have described it in that a person can behaviour in ways we may not agree with but we love them. It doesn't mean colluding with behaviour and accepting things contrary to our values. But loving them never the less.
Like how a parent should love a child.

 

[No More]

So for me - unconditional love, for example, I love a friend very much (as a friend), she’s very precious to me and I would put myself between her & anything. And she’d do the same for me.

I also have to let her make her own choices, no matter how much I can see from the outside they are bad choices. That’s her life and her decision and I will be there to support her no matter what.

BUT - I will not carry drugs for her. If she wants to deal, that’s okay, I don’t have any sort of problem with that. But I personally will not have them on my person, and she would never, ever ask me to.

That’s unconditional love with conditional boundaries.


You can love someone, and have boundaries. You can love someone, and say, I’m sorry, I love you but I cannot stay while you put your hands on me,( or xyz )and you can leave - and still love them.

 

[Weemie]

Unconditional love is a misnomer in my opinion. If someone is disrespectful or abusive, you're under no obligation to love them.

 

[Jade-]

To me unconditional love means just that, I love someone no matter what,period.

Unconditional boundaries means I love myself no matter what and set boundaries for myself and they don't change no matter who/what the situation or person is.

Easier said than done though on the boundaries thing

 

[Freddyt]

Someone I worked with once asked me "You let your wife do that?" My answer "I don't let her do anything. Shes a person who can do what she wants to do."

Because I love her, and she loves me and we wouldn't want to do anything that hurt the other purposefully...... Love - unconditionally.


"But we have an agreement that if either of us catches the other cheating, we can expect to see our bags outside the door when we get home."

Unconditional Boundary......

 

[Rose White]

@Defaultxlove thank you for this thread. Right on time. Lots to think about but no words to contribute yet.

 

[Friday]

I’ve only ever loved one person unconditionally, although I’ve loved many deeply & profoundly & with NEAR no limit… there were, always/in fact, limits.

That one person? Was my kid. And there have been 10,000 boundaries in play, with him. That adjust as needed, depending on age/circumstance. FAR more boundaries than with everyone else I’ve ever loved, all put together.

Adaptive & Evolving & Circumstantial? Meaning that I’m takin into account 1,000 things? Are the exact opposite of unconditional boundaries. Whether one means inflexible & unchanging, or so fluid as to not be boundaries whatsoever. That the boundaries involved at 2yo, 4yo, 10yo, 15yo, 20yo? Are all VERY different from each other. But also? VERY much applied. Ditto every other distinction. In grief, in anger, in confusion, in normal circumstance, in this, in that, in whatever. Precisely related to THEM, in that moment, and everything else going on in their/my life.

Things I would send my child for timeout when he was little might just get a raised eyebrow once grown, meanwhile something that would be no issue whatsoever when little reach hell-bath-no-fury once grown. And every variation in between.

GOOD boundaries? Fluctuate. My lover I approve/encourage things that would get a stranger knocked flat. Because it’s not grabbing my ass that’s the boundary. It’s who/when/where/why/how. ALL with different boundaries attached. That’s good/normal/healthy. Regardless of the relationship, and the indivudal, different boundaries apply. My LOVING them? Adds more boundaries. Not less.

Responding in only one way, to everything? Is something wrong with me. In my not being able to discriminate the who/when/where/what/how.

Loving someone unconditionally? Meant MORE boundaries, and infinitely far more detail; not less, much less none. The more I love someone the more boundaries I have, in exponentially applied detail. Rather than a whitewash of all/none.