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Breaking the back of corrosive self doubt...I have progressed enough to engage with this now.

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Stages.

An early stage is doing things, and being successful at it, and recognizing that.

A later stage is f*cking up, standing up, and trying again.

It’s “easy” when you’re successful. (As you well know, it’s not.) It’s much harder to dig deep, once you’ve failed, and still have the chutzpah to brush yourself off, and try again. And again. And again. Until you do succeed. And then fail in a different way. Until you succeed again. And can learn to maintain your self confidence regardless of success/failure.

It’s not wrong. It’s “just” one of the advanced courses for self confidence.

If it helps? Try thinking of yourself as one of your students. When they’re crushed and despairing of ever getting it right... What do you tell them? And what do you feel as they try, and try again? And as you watch them progress from being crushed by disappointment and unable to move on/try again, and watch their little faces change from hopelessness in the face of failure to “Huh. Okay. How can we make this work?” curious determination or even excitement as they’ve crossed one thing off and are off on another thing, rather than self abasement they didn’t get it the first go? <<< It’s one of the great things about kids >>> They change the way we see the world, and ourselves, if we take the same lessons on that we’re teaching them. Retaining 90% of what one teaches? Is one of the most valuable skills/tools I know of. When I remember to apply it. ;)
 
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If it helps? Try thinking of yourself as one of your students. When they’re crushed and despairing of ever getting it right... What do you tell them? And what do you feel as they try, and try again? And as you watch them progress from being crushed by disappointment and unable to move on/try again, and watch their little faces change from hopelessness in the face of failure to “Huh. Okay. How can we make this work?” curious determination or even excitement as they’ve crossed one thing off and are off on another thing, rather than self abasement they didn’t get it the first go? <<< It’s one of the great things about kids >>> They change the way we see the world, and ourselves, if we take the same lessons on that we’re teaching them. Retaining 90% of what one teaches? Is one of the most valuable skills/tools I know of. When I remember to apply it. ;)
Thank you that's beautiful.
 
A later stage is f*cking up, standing up, and trying again.

Yeah I am at this stage.



It’s “easy” when you’re successful. (As you well know, it’s not.) It’s much harder to dig deep, once you’ve failed, and still have the chutzpah to brush yourself off, and try again. And again. And again. Until you do succeed. And then fail in a different way. Until you succeed again. And can learn to maintain your self confidence regardless of success/failure.

Yeah it feels a long way from being there but I can do stuff. Not yet. Not today but one day.



It’s not wrong. It’s “just” one of the advanced courses for self confidence.

Yeah it's shite!



If it helps? Try thinking of yourself as one of your students. When they’re crushed and despairing of ever getting it right... What do you tell them? And what do you feel as they try, and try again? And as you watch them progress from being crushed by disappointment and unable to move on/try again, and watch their little faces change from hopelessness in the face of failure to “Huh. Okay. How can we make this work?” curious determination or even excitement as they’ve crossed one thing off and are off on another thing, rather than self abasement they didn’t get it the first go? <<< It’s one of the great things about kids >>> They change the way we see the world, and ourselves, if we take the same lessons on that we’re teaching them. Retaining 90% of what one teaches? Is one of the most valuable skills/tools I know of. When I remember to apply it. ;)

I am going to write this out again and again.
 
I feel like I am going crazy. I am either feeling a lot of anxiety or feeling more in my body. I am feeling terrible anxiety.
 
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