I'm the anonymous person from earlier in the thread:
If it helps.
My first experience as a patient in the mental health services was in Alberta. At the Foothills hospital in Calgary.
I got to sit across a rather large room from the psychiatrist I was talking to, going through the details of why I ended up the way I am. It's a hospital I know fairly well, as I have delivered patients to it's ER.
This room, had a video camera in the corner, facing me. (That was recording audio). The big mirror to my right, had several people behind it. Or so they told me.
The really important thing of course is that, they told me ahead of time.
I was not wholly comfortable with this, as most people probably feel.
I got through it because I knew that I wasn't the person everyone was watching. The psychiatrist I was talking to, was in her final year of practicum/residency/whatever it's called in the special services building. All eyes were on her. The other psychiatrist I was seeing at the time, was her attending/supervisor/teacher whatever its called.
All those eyes, were there for my protection. To ensure I was receiving the best possible quality of care. The psychologist I was referred to later for my actual therapy, was also a student. I was on camera for those sessions as well. For the same reasons. No two way mirror there thank God.
The upside of this, was that it was free. Being unemployed at the time made this quite a deal. As therapy is f*cking expensive, even in Canada.
It wasn't long before I stopped even noticing the cameras.
Now obviously you're situation is different from mine was. I still fully respect your feelings about it.
I want point out a couple of things from what you said.
Yes he did answer yesterday and say it was on and no sign is posted.
He answered honestly, right? Even though it is not to his benefit, he was honest with you. I'd call that an olive branch.
its surveillance camera for him, it has a totally different thought for me.
You have every right to be upset and to let him know that this is how you feel. Rational or not, this is how you feel.
Nor is me calling it irrational, a jab at you. I have lots of irrational fears too. They are what they are. The fact that they're irrational, does not make it less frightening.
Maybe you can find a way to use this situation as a way to face this fear?
I struggle too with the idea that no one sees it.
To add a bit on what
@Deadman said. (Which is a disconcerting name to make mention of... lol)
I have worked in lots of places over the years, that have these kinds of systems. Most, don't even have a high frame rate. Meaning that a movie that you watch on a dvd for example, looks like motion because it is still images, being displayed at around 25 frames per second. Looks like motion.
CCTV cameras, usually record at around 1 to 5 frames per second. Which means that even if someone was to watch the video footage of you in therapy. There is no way to interpret what is actually being said. As even if the person watching can read lips, there simply aren't enough frames being recorded, to make it possible to read anything anyone says.
All they would see is a series of jerky still images of you in a chair or whatever you sit on in the room with the T. That's it. It would be no different from a video of you waiting for a bus. Or having a coffee at a Tim Horton's or Starbucks.
You have probably seen this type of footage on the evening news, from a bank atm or 7-11 that was robbed. That the local crimestoppers is asking for help identifying someone. This is probably very similar to what is being recorded by the system in your T's office.
If possible, maybe you can get him to show you the footage from this camera?
Though it may not be possible for legitimate reasons, but it would certainly show good faith on his part.
I just wanted to mention all this as information to think about. No judgement from me whatever you choose to do.