Chat, check-in, and hang out

[RussellSue]

@Rani G, regarding earlier posts - public transportation was pretty nightmarish after the pandemic started, as well. I am sorry you are having to deal with all of that. It's totally understandable that you would be plenty agitated by the time you get where you are going. It's rough out there.

We did a complete 180 in July - leaving the city, buying a car, ending up in the middle of nowhere, etc., so things have really quieted down for me. Like most things, however, this has its good points and bad points. I definitely have seen a drop in my bullshit tolerance, so my mouth has gotten going more often than it should. And it takes me a while to recover, too. I sometimes feel like I need to stay home just to keep from getting an attitude with fellow shoppers. In my defense, though, I react to others: I never start it. But just as when I was a kid and said the same thing regarding the scuffles my sister and I had, I overreact. Maybe someone is a tad pissy and I respond like they just called me a scuzzy bitch. I definitely got worse about talking shit after starting gabapentin for pain - a fact that I am only recently willing to face. I'm hoping it won't be too long before I can stop taking the pills and go back to being too anxious to be so loud. I've scared myself more than once, recently. Feeling like a doormat isn't fun, either, but I am used to that and I don't have to watch my back so much.

 

[RussellSue]

boredom and isolation

There has been a lot of that going around.

I have been struggling with this, as well. I do live with my husband but he works and goes to school and I frequently feel very isolated in this village we moved to. I'm enrolled in some classes, again, as usual and I interact on here but it's been pretty hard to manage, lately.

My first reaction was to start looking for things to do in the city but my therapist suggested I do not, considering my health/the virus. This is wise BUT it's hard to keep the brain entertained with enough positives to keep the shit from looping over and over. I am finding new things to do like drawing but there's just no easy way to do this.

May you find all the right things to do and avoid the wrong ones!

 

[Rani G2]

public transportation was pretty nightmarish after the pandemic started, as well. I am sorry you are having to deal with all of that.

Thanks @RussellSue

 

[Rani G2]

so my mouth has gotten going more often than it should. And it takes me a while to recover, too. I sometimes feel like I need to stay home just to keep from getting an attitude with fellow shoppers.

Exchange always feels good, less isolating and less burdened. Walking on this battlefield for years, sorry it’s such a rough time for you as well. What are your strategies to recharge your batteries?
———Im distracted that’s why my words come in bits and pieces_____

Bullshit tolerance is a word I need to keep in mind btw.

feelings attached to the power-Play-dynamics.. (Not sure if this Definition is tangible for you?) is something I’m really trying with the help of T (Trying meaning I’m successful more or less and then again failing miserably) to label differently, like the feeling of being subjugated, activating all the Defence mechanisms in order to feel powerful again because the once felt powerlessness is just beyond endurance. So I’m still learning to get on to the other side of defeated/helpless - Power/in control. I’m moving between these categories, so I’m thinking f*** this, there is this other territory I want to be in. Might be the best time for me now with all the Covid sh** to practice, but I’m also lying because I really really want to hide and Do nothing about it.

 

[RussellSue]

Exchange always feels good, less isolating and less burdened. Walking on this battlefield for years, sorry it’s such a rough time for you as well. What are your strategies to recharge your batteries?

I exercise, sometimes dance, and carefully stretch which helps keep me from getting depressed. I am also in PT right now and throwing a ball back and forth with my therapist has become a high point in my week because of that exchange thing you mentioned. I just went on my first hike with my husband in years after much rehabilitation and hope to make that into a regular thing. Just being out in nature for a little while seems to make a huge difference for me.

But because of how being chronically high strung and never stopping is affecting my muscles, I am working a lot on doing less strenuous things. I have been spending time inside my sauna blanket (basically a heated sleeping bag if you haven't seen one). I also try to regularly roll around on my yoga ball and lacrosse ball to work out some of my tension. Hubby and I have been watching old episodes of The Simpsons, too. I've just recently started on a Zantangle workbook which @ladee suggested. It really seems to be helping me to calm down, since my best thinking really says keep running around until you fall down.

We've only been moved in where we are for about a month and a half and we are 1500 miles from our families, so we're really feeling the isolation, and a lot of our hobbies are still packed away, like my flute and all my vintage linen clothes I mend and redye which feels old-timey and relaxing for me. We got settled too late in the year to grow anything.

What about you? How do you recharge your batteries?

 

[Rani G2]

I definitely got worse about talking shit after starting gabapentin for pain - a fact that I am only recently willing to face. I'm hoping it won't be too long before I can stop taking the pills and go b

Sorry about this, I hope you can gradually stop taking the pills, so that there is no Major system errors

 

[RussellSue]

like the feeling of being subjugated, activating all the Defence mechanisms in order to feel powerful again because the once felt powerlessness is just beyond endurance. So I’m still learning to get on to the other side of defeated/helpless - Power/in control. I’m moving between these categories, so I’m thinking f*** this, there is this other territory I want to be in. Might be the best time for me now with all the Covid sh** to practice, but I’m also lying because I really really want to hide and Do nothing about it.

It sounds like you have an idea of how to help yourself. That's great. I'm not sure I have internalized anything yet that has greatly improved shopping for me.

These are things I really need to work on. I have found that once I get used to people, I can handle things a LOT better but the supermarket/public transit experience of nothing but random strangers is beyond my capacity, so far. Outside of doing big things like headphones and benzos, I really have not managed to do much that helps me with these sorts of places. It's been a huge struggle for about 22 years. I have improved enough that I can and will visit a store during regular business hours and don't need to go at 3:00 in the morning as I did in my early 20s, but there's still a lot of hard work to be done there for sure.

 

[Rani G2]

I exercise, sometimes dance, and carefully stretch which helps keep me from getting depressed.

If I may ask, what kind of Dance styles Do you like?

also in PT right now and throwing a ball back and forth with my therapist has become a high point in my week because of that exchange thing you mentioned. I just went on my first hike with my husband in years after much rehabilitation and hope to make that into a regular thing.

Good to read that you are able to go on hikes RussellSue, PT therapy seems to work? You weren’t quite sure about his recommendations right? :-)

have been watching old episodes of The Simpsons, t

Simpsons seem to work for many people, my colleague is a huge fan as well

 

[Rani G2]

Ah Yeah @ladee mentioned that Zentangle.. seems to be really really soothing.. how long can you Do them?
Sorry too many questions..

my flute and all my vintage linen clothes I mend and redye which feels old-timey and relaxing for me. We got settled too late in the year to grow anything.

Glad they bring you joy RussellSue.. engaging with things for all the good vibes , always always

 

[Rani G2]

What about you? How do you recharge your batteries?

Im glad when I can read, Do my Yoga, weight training (No Gym now so it’s the park) and a little bit drawing. That’s about it. It’s hard for me to Do anything much after work.

The hardest part is to trust thy self, it is for me.. learning and then doing the work out there in the world with people, in groups (If ever.?..) Under different social contexts, the whole boundary setting which is a huge topic for many people with developmental trauma, can I withstand despite me having a different opinion? How does it feel to stand on the margins? But also needing to build up alliances because that is what we also Do in order to survive and thrive. . sometimes, it feels like a constant taking apart of constructs, everything conditioned and then breaking them down into parts and viewing them from different angles.

I actually need to sleep and rest for a year and get back to reality.

 

[Rani G2]

but there's still a lot of hard work to be done there for sure.

@RussellSue you are already doing the work..

 

[RussellSue]

If I may ask, what kind of Dance styles Do you like?

Mostly, I try to do ballet, like I did when I was a teenager. But sometimes I just rock out - and who knows what style that is??

Good to read that you are able to go on hikes RussellSue, PT therapy seems to work? You weren’t quite sure about his recommendations right? :-)

Thanks!

My PT and I managed to round a corner. I cannot remember what all the earlier issues were specifically but I was afraid I was going to have a repeat of last year's PT where I actually got weaker while exercising more than I ever have. He's surprisingly perceptive, however, and has picked up on a lot of the things that last year's therapist missed, like the fact that I was much more likely to overdo my exercise than underdo it. He doesn't even try to get me to exercise. Instead, he asks me what I have been doing to manage my pain which is helping me to actually get up and stretch and use my pain patches and heat when needed instead of telling myself it isn't bad enough to do anything about, as I have always done.

We did an assessment the other day and I am getting stronger, so progress is being made, finally. I also reported less injury-related disability. Wahoo!

I probably can't make a full recovery but I feel like I am getting a lot closer to having a handle on what I can.

Simpsons seem to work for many people, my colleague is a huge fan as well

They are not my favorite, really. But we don't have television and do have free Disney+, so we watch it. It's hard for me to watch anything. I don't do sitting down and being entertained easily but it has been a good couple activity.