Childhood Confused - is it normal to be beaten as a child?

[Esterio]

Hi Leisel
Thanks for the thread
I was punished a lot. Striped and whipped with a belt in front of others in the family mostly my brother had to watch. It was done to intimidate me. It did far more than that. I was scared of my dad and his rage. Worse than the whipping I was told I use useless piece of crap and would never amount to anything, I could never do anything right. I have never thought anything funny about it. Don't know if I have heard anyone make fun of it either. It effects me a lot I remember it very well. I think it hurt more as I was being punish and what I was doing was acting out from sexual abuse. At least that is the way I look at it today.
Peace be safe

 

[saraemerald]

I think there are lots of dysfunctional ways of discipline in society that lots of families have adopted as normal. A lot of it comes from fear that if they don't toughen their kids up, they won't survive in the real world. Some parents who hit or spank their kids probably do so because they think it's the right way to get things across to their kids and usually mean well.
Then there are parents who are just insane, selfish, mentally unwell, miserable or psychopaths. Their forms of discipline instill fear in their kids and are not normal. It's often rageful discipline and degrading. And it's never OK.

 

[lostnconfused]

I remember overhearing a few, male classmates in elementary school laugh and joke about how their parents would hit them if they ever misbehaved; I didn't understand why they found it funny because it deeply hurt me to be treated like that by my parents (especially when I didn't do anything wrong), whom I loved and wanted to love me back.

Due to experiencing their roller coaster emotions of suddenly, randomly becoming angry and upset about things or people for no reason, and after experiencing nice, normal behavior and kindness from my teachers and other adults, I honestly have a feeling that at least one my parents (one who told me they grew up being physically and emotionally abused and neglected), has either undiagnosed bipolar disorder or some other type of personality disorder: it's not normal to grow up being hit, slapped and shouted at by your parents, who also tell you several times that you should commit suicide because they hate you, and should've had an abortion (and not had you or your sibling), and ignore your tears and pleas of how hurtful and upsetting their words and behavior are; then, later on, apologizing and saying that they'll never do those things to you, again, but then, the cycle begins, again.

Studies comparing the differences between adults who grew up abused as children, with adults who weren't hit, have shown that being hit as a child negatively affects brain development (specifically intelligence, along with emotional regulation).

I wished I grew up with the nice, wealthy parents who helped their kids succeed in life and get into Ivy League schools (that's also how you know that abuse doesn't do children any good; it's difficult to focus, think clearly, and be confident or happy in life, earning top grades, while being abused; it's also difficult to develop friendships or romantic relationships, due to fearing that others might eventually abuse you, too.) All I ever wanted was to be successful in life and to be loved by people in my life. It was very difficult to try to heal and convince myself that my life wasn't completely ruined and that I didn't need to commit suicide.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Hugs (if you allow) for @lostnconfused. I so relate to your above post. Thanks for sharing.

 

[user27357]

beatings are intended to inflict pain.

Spankings don't have to be that painful to achieve their intended purpose, to clearly define the dominant/submissive nature of a parent/child relationship that sometimes has to be. I spanked my kids when they were young if it was necessary to remind them that the parents were in charge. That can be important if failure to follow orders from the parent is possibly life threatening. For example, if they ran in a parking lot after being told not to, it could be deadly. A spanking was the better consequence. They didn't get that many spankings, they knew where the borders were and they stayed within them pretty well.

thats not beating your kids, thats resorting to a universal language only when it is necessary and only enough to clearly make the point.

It isn't humiliation, it isn't sporadic, it isn't to enforce a rule that falls short of the life or death level situation like I mentioned in my example.

Beatings are entirely different things done for completely different reasons.

I was beaten to save my soul from the lake of fire.

If there is a hell it waits for them, not me.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

My brother was beaten on a regular basis. I figured he was the physical scapegoat in our family. I was the emotional one. It really messed him up emotionally and mentally. He drank and did drugs from an early age and finally got into treatment years later.

 

[WhiteHatGirl]

Hitting your child in anyway can cause the local social services to take them away.
I think since I was threatened to be beaten and killed as a child, that was more than enough to be traumatic.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Hitting your child in anyway can cause the local social services to take them away.

. Not actually true in many many cases. Social services is a farce in many situations. They are overloaded, overworked and their caseloads just doesn’t allow for this to happen. Their have been case where children have died even though social services have been involved. Children aren’t taken away because a parent has hit their child......

 

[saraemerald]

. Not actually true in many many cases. Social services is a farce in many situations. They are overlo...

Why do they take them away then? I know social services doesn't do what they are supposed to. I have witnessed it in close family members

 

[KerriJ]

Why do they take them away then? I know social services doesn't do what they are supposed to. I hav...

Often times social serivices takes away children in homes where drugs or weapons are found, but ignores/overlooks (due to being overworked) the children who are being neglected, hit and/or abused in other ways.

 

[user27357]

in their defense, most case workers I have known are absolutely overworked. The few times that I have reported possible abuse they have responded quickly at all hours. My oath as a firefighter was (and still is I think) to report any and all signs of abuse to children. The family services people I have talked to were thankful for all reports and eager to do their job, but the confines of the system they work within force them to make what have to be difficult judgement calls everyday.