Confusing therapy appointment

[azure]

How are you doing this morning?

thanks for checking on me...I got kinda dark last night...but slept in and doing ok today

 

[Cactus Bloom]

thanks for checking on me...I got kinda dark last night...but slept in and doing ok today

I’m sorry you didn’t do so good last night and hope today was a little better:)

 

[Friday]

I feel like if I could join something then I wouldn't be in therapy would I...would mean I have a handle on things and I don't.

Big difference between having a handle on yourself 24/7, and for 3 hours a week.

Graduated process.

During my hard times I can’t guarantee I can be anywhere once a MONTH for even 10 minutes. Hell. I can’t guarantee i’ll Eat every day, much less anything more wanty less needy. But by working on building those routines? Eating every day, being somewhere for an hour once a week, etc.? It starts reshaping my ability to be able to do more. Yes, I have to plan for it, and pay for it, but the “simple” act of doing so helps build my ability to do so, which helps build my ability to do more.

An hour a month.
An hour a week.
An hour a day
Part of a day.
Half a day.
Most of a day.
Most of a week.
Most of a month.

Chipping away at symptoms, whilst building in more self management.

Today I shower.
Tomorrow I dry my hair.
The day after I get dressed...

Turns into, bitch please... I did all of that in 33.5 minutes this morning AFTER my morning swim, whilst juggling 5 kids a spouse I adore, getting everyone to school & work on time, a challenging day at work, running errands, loving on my family, meeting up with friends, taking an hour to myself to goof off, have mindblowing sex with my spouse... and I still feel refreshed & energetic... but slip into blissful sleep anyway, because hot dayum tomorrow? Unlike today’s lazy day Is a busy one, and I am excited as hell about it, so I better rest up.

<<<< That? Doesn’t just happen. It’s built. A brick at a time. An hour here, an hour there. A day here, a day there. An activity. A commitment. A routine. A life is built. That I want to be living. Not because I want it. Nothing happens just because we want it to happen. Because I’m capable of it. 24/7/345. (The missing 20 days? ;) Bad days happen. But they don’t nuke my life, because they’re planned for & executed in the same way that sick days are planned for and executed ie without f*cking anything else up.) Scattered meals become steady diets.

If taking a class is too much right now? Try moving back a step, and working your way up to taking a class... although if you can be somewhere an hour a week 1:1 (therapy) you can probably be somewhere an hour a week 1: Many. Sure, you’ll miss a few, or have to leave early/ come late a few times as you work on your management. That’s part of it. Then it becomes easy. And you’re going to both therapy and your class, and add something else.

 

[blackemerald1]

Everything Friday said ^^ 100 likes. It is a marathon, not a sprint.

No problems with having a dark day. We all have those. Many of them.

No judgement from me but do you know how much darker things get when you drink alcohol? I'm asking not telling?

 

[azure]

Big difference between having a handle on yourself 24/7, and for 3 hours a week.

Graduated process.

Du...

wow!!! yes... so so so well put and I feel a great deal of understanding in your words....You put it so I can see achieving something..little by little... thanks

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes!

Baby steps!

 

[azure]

Everything Friday said ^^ 100 likes. It is a marathon, not a sprint.

No problems with having a d...

yeah I do and it did get darker...once I'm in that mind set though ..it's like auto pilot..don't have anyone to reach out to..except this forum..late at night...or even anyone really...I'm not a vet so no support groups

 

[hithere]

I think I understand what you are experiencing. I had something similar last year. I was trying to explain that I was a mess and I wanted to drop out of my obligations and not complete them. my t suggested I not drop out of my obligations or I might feel like a failure. well, it was a mistake to not drop out of my obligations. It was awful and it delayed decades old grief that need to come out. So now I know to follow my instincts. I just needed validation from the t that this is hard to feel these feelings without numbing out. sometimes I just want real genuine heartfelt validation. It is very rare. yet of course the t didn't understand. they have not walked this way themselves before. yet they were trying to help. it seems impossible. It does get better. I have no idea if I just made any sense or not.

 

[Suzetig]

I think sometimes we really do need to stop and deal with stuff. I know I’ve needed to completely drop everything before - work, friends, social commitments, everything and just try to breathe through my feelings sometimes hour by hour. At that point everything goes to shit - my self care, any kind of routine or functioning, everything.

I know routine helps, and I totally agree with @Friday, rebuilding my life from there is tiny, baby steps - I mean like a written list of 3 things, 4 things, 5 things I’ll do that day - that list is as basic as showering, getting dressed, eating breakfast. I literally tick them off the list. Once I get 3 things done in the day, I’ll add in a time schedule (ie showered by 10.00am), once I can do three things on schedule, I’ll add a fourth with no schedule. Then - sooner or later - I’m just doing it, then it’s time to add in an external commitment again.

I think folk (sufferers, supporters) don’t always realise just how slow recovery can be, it’s a chipping away process.

So, if you don’t have an “internal” routine, try to work on that first. Maybe reading about coping strategies to add to your toolkit might be somewhere to start. Don’t run before you can walk.

 

[Cactus Bloom]

I think I understand what you are experiencing. I had something similar last year. I was trying to expl...

You made a lot of sense and I believe that compassion, empathy and validation is extremely important for a therapist to express because how are you supposed to feel safe if the therapist lacks these qualities? Validation is so important. You’ve already gone through life being betrayed, abandoned, not being able to trust, etc and the therapist needs to provide that safe place for you to be able to feel vulnerable so you’re able to heal otherwise you feel threatened and want to run. I have done exactly that several times with therapists because I felt so unsafe with them. It’s a survival mechanism and is unconscious and when a therapist isn’t trained in trauma therapy, they don’t understand the dynamics that come into play in how the defense mechanisms work and they end up doing more harm than good. I have given up on therapy at this point because there really isn’t any therapists that are trained in trauma therapy. Anyway, validation is extremely important:)

 

[azure]

I think I understand what you are experiencing. I had something similar last year. I was trying to expl...

Yes validation and encouragement to trust that inner/gut feeling...I have another appointment today with the T and I can feel that wall has been brought back up...the don't let anyone in to the true you wall..
It helps so much to know others actually understand....thanks

I think sometimes we really do need to stop and deal with stuff. I know I’ve needed to completely dro...

I like the list and then time...
this may seem odd question..but...do you schedule time to let the feelings out...I don't know how to do that
it's like cleaning out the over stuffed closet...the mess..the indecision.. oh I don't know

 

[Justmehere]

My therapist suggests to let the feelings come for 10 minutes or whatever length of time and then schedule to put them away. I have to write them down and actually put them in a physical box... and it sometimes helps.

I hope the session with your T goes well and that you share with her about how frustrating her suggestion was, and the need for a bigger toolbox with more skills that you can actually use.