General Day Dreaming

[Ronin]

I think part of that may be exposition fears, which can be dealt with.

(I mean, is processing our traumata & complicated feelings worse than the things themselves? Would exposure be horrific - instead of just more complicating life for a while, but something that can be dealt with?) - things like that.

All I'm saying I understand (heck, share in many ways, some days worse than others) the anxieties, but in the same time they're just one other area to be processed (and aid processing of 'offline' life), and the online part of life isn't nowhere near as threatening as the ofline is.

(Well, I don't know what anyone of you is up to, so sorry for n/a, just musing on my life & thoughts it led to).

 

[Tinyflame]

No @Cashew ,I think you are right. Maybe (just for me, I don't want to infer for anyone else!!) it's the re-experiencing that seems so impossible. Yet the goal is to stop the re-experiencing we are constantly living.

Idk, when all is said & done, I feel like the vast majority of my own life I've been (previously) a lousy daughter, a lousy sister, a lousy niece, a lousy caregiver, a lousy friend. If my sister read what I wrote, she would see it as nothing but ingratitude & whining. I already fear & hear that anyway. It would be gasoline on a fire. She would never equate it to I'm just trying to survive/ get help/ become a better person, be able to better deliver what she wants.

Must hurry & go walk the dog before work. Thank you @Cashew. :hug:

 

[Peach]

Aww, @Junebug it's really okay. I wasn't hurt at all by anything you said. :hug: Also, if I may...your sister is clearly the one with the problems, not you! She sounds extremely toxic and if you're at all able, you should try your best to stay away from her (as much as is possible in the same house). Maybe she has her own valid reasons for being so bullheaded, but that doesn't make it right.

I definitely like the idea of an open door policy, @FridayJones ! Sounds perfect to me.

I had that happen to me recently @Glara . I was looking for a gift for my vet and ran across a public message board for current and former members of the British army, particularly, one man who had been in my vet's unit just a few years before he transferred in. They sounded VERY similar - with the phrases, places he was talking about, and his stories, but I also knew from the finer details (use of certain curse words, different spelling, this man liked his shouty caps and mine can barely capitalize his name, and there weren't nearly enough ellipses LOL!) it wasn't my guy. I did send it onto my vet though, it was a funny story about his time in that unit that I thought he'd get a kick out of, kinda reminiscing about the good old days, and my vet agreed, "I can see why you thought it sounded like me, but there is no way I would post that stuff on the internet for everyone to see. No. No way.":p

It would make him feel terrible.

That is a very good point. You worry, he feels badly, and it would just compound the problem.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @Peach , that is very kind. :notworthy: I am very glad & relieved it wasn't off-putting. It feels like bursting a child's balloon on purpose, to do that. :( I try not to be bitter or cynical. (Not to infer that you are a child, but = a lousy, nasty thing to do).

You know, I was thinking, something is really odd about ptsd, everything is 'backwards'. Care causes fear, abuse is accepted. The 'past' is the present. There's relief in sleep, provided you can get some, but then there's the nightmares & night terrors. They say the only way is through, but that seems the worst, worse than the first time (& it is) because now it's with the feelings. Crises feel par for the course but picking up a phone is like 1/2 way to getting be-headed. People talk here openly, then get to T & no words will come out. :(

The really weird thing is, I don't fear my sister/ family reading it because it's lies, but rather because it's the truth. And that, of all things, causes panic.

I think whatever way you wish things to be, is right & ok for you. Who am I to say otherwise? (Though it's true that worry-for-one-would-cause-worry-for-the-other.) Frankly if I had a T I'd print off the 1000's of pages of stuff I can't figure out & ask them if they could tell me what to do to 'fix' myself. :( ($500 of ink but it would beat or supplement the 12 words I could see myself actually speaking in person. :rolleyes: )

Btw, actually, in looking stuff up, oddly I pieced together something very important about a relative who died. I feel very sad I didn't know/ understand as I should of, she suffered a lot because of that :cry:. If I could go back, I wouldn't care how I got a hold of the info to help her. I wish I knew then what I know now. :( Same with my sister, I cannot judge. Only do the best I can, try to learn/ understand, & look at my part in it.

Hugs to you, you are a sweet & kind soul. :hug: :hug:

 

[Losing the battle]

are there any first responders in this only seeing vets w/PTSD. Had no clue first responders could have complete meltdown into this with depression so severe has been hospitalized 3 wks, MDs given 15 different meds, six different diagnosis. I have to be his advocate(most information blocked due to confidentiality), maintain family, deal with his work stuff, and try to keep kids okay, freak out about finances including figuring which food bank to use. He hasn't improved and no one is talking to me about what is going on with him, how to help him and if our life will be hell on wheels from here on out.

 

[Peach]

First responders have a very stressful job and it is an area that could absolutely promote PTSD in its members. That being said, no one here is able to diagnose for you, but you will surely find some useful information if you read around. If you are hoping to talk directly to another first responder, I suggest you post an introduction sharing whatever details you're comfortable with, and I'm sure you'll get a nice, helpful reception.

Good luck and welcome!:)

 

[Sweetpea76]

The supporters on here support people with PTSD from all kinds of traumas... There are definitely sufferers on here that were first responders, and I'm almost positive I've seen some supporters whose spouses/partners were as well.

Welcome!