ED Disordered eating

[ms spock]

I am not feeling that good. The anxiety is really tough at times. I feel overwhelmed. I am not comfort eating nearly as much or really at all at times, which is good. The feelings are not easy to be with. I have had a concussion and that has not been fun. I am looking forward to this time having finished.

 

[ms spock]

Despite having a really shitty time PTSD wise I am still doing okay with this. I am a bit more able to sit with feelings.

 

[ninja]

That is very good @Spotted Pardalote !! I think it is super important with ED’s to keep receiving ourselves however we come and are feeling, with love and affection. As much as possible. You are doing, tolerating and handling a lot and you deserve to have a warm place to come home to inside of yourself. This is a process— as much one of learning what/how to give love and what kinds we receive best, and to ‘allow it’ to be received. As much a process of learning that we do not always have to be making progress. ?

 

[ms spock]

As much a process of learning that we do not always have to be making progress. ?

That is a really useful insight. Thanks for that.

 

[ms spock]

That is very good @Spotted Pardalote !!

Thank you! I missed you in this thread, and have wondered how you are going. So lovely to see you back!

I think it is super important with ED’s to keep receiving ourselves however we come and are feeling, with love and affection. As much as possible.

Look I am on my training wheels for doing this but you are so right.

I find it really hard. I am not quite there yet but I am improving.

You are doing, tolerating and handling a lot and you deserve to have a warm place to come home to inside of yourself.

That's the next thing to do - is to create a warm place to come home to inside of myself.

This is a process— as much one of learning what/how to give love and what kinds we receive best, and to ‘allow it’ to be received.

Yeah I struggle with this and feel uncertain.

As much a process of learning that we do not always have to be making progress. ?

Thanks that is a really useful insight for me to look at.

 

[ninja]

@Spotted Pardalote Overall I'm doing really well with this. I've shifted my perspective from *makes mistake* => *gets mad at self* to *makes mistake* => *mistakes happen, it's okay* and usually for me these days mistakes mean I've introduced too many scary foods all at the same time or I'm just super stressed or in pain and not doing what I need.

Being in a place where I know how to be unconditionally kind to myself has really helped with the desire to comfort eat. Now when I feel any urges I look at them and try to figure out what I need.

There are still mistakes, but I recognize that progress is not linear and the process of recovery includes many mistakes. I would not call myself recovered from the ED yet, but I am closer than I've ever been and do believe I will get there. I've also found that limiting foods with added sugar really helps me, although I try not to be super super strict about it. Just remind myself what works for me to feel better.

ETA: I've lost a bit of weight very naturally, though I am also in the process of realizing I am healthy where I am. I would like to lose another 8-10-ish pounds as I feel that would be optimal for me but I'm not in a rush about it.

 

[ms spock]

That's awesome @Ninja!

 

[ms spock]

@Spotted Pardalote Overall I'm doing really well with this. I've shifted my perspective from *makes mistake* => *gets mad at self* to *makes mistake* => *mistakes happen, it's okay* and usually for me these days mistakes mean I've introduced too many scary foods all at the same time or I'm just super stressed or in pain and not doing what I need.

Getting to the mindset that "Mistakes happens, it's okay!" is a great place to arrive at! That's a great mindset to have acquired.

 

[ms spock]

I did a bit of comfort eating last night. I am getting close to managing to going to bed without some snacking beforehand. I will get there. I am improving.

I continue to maintain a healthy BMI for my height, which is great. It is a practice thing now.

 

[ms spock]

So I did comfort eating last night whilst going to bed. Less but still not stopped. Still improving.

 

[ms spock]

I didn't comfort eat this last week with the anxiety and that means I have improved in two areas:

1) not continuously doing low level comfort eating and being mostly numb.
2) building up distress tolerance by staying with the increase of anxiety due to dropping even more of my comfort eating habits.

This is a big change for me.

So I am feeding myself nourishing and varied meals. There is no deprivation. I can eat whatever I want as long as I have reasonable portions. There are ups and downs but overall significant improvement. I am now within my BMI for my height.

I am still having delicious, nutritious meals. I am much more mindful about the foods that I eat. I don't do as much mindless, dissociated eating. I am really improving.

This morning I had lettuce, snow peas, a lentil and salmon salad, and a fresh bread roll. The small fresh bread roll was hot and delicious. I really enjoyed it!

I am just learning to be with the anxiety and document it. This is so I can keep tabs on how I am managing it. It is okay when I am not managing it well. I just have to document it to see it's patterns in my life. I can do this. I have done many, many difficult things in my life. I have made significant changes within myself. It has taken a lot of hard work but I can do it. I am very brave. I have been very courageous.

 

[ms spock]

I just had a homemade banana almond milk milkshake. It was delicious.