Do You Ever Fear That Maybe It's Not Ptsd?

[sonicwhite]

Like I had bad dreams all night last night. Some where about a person being dismembered others where just about things that just make me ultra sensitive. But I always wake up and ask myself was this a demonic attack or should I warn ppl of the nuke clouds I see. It is a all way too much. I know I have MDD with psychotic features and OCD but I can't accept I have PTSD even tho I've been thru a lot of trauma my whole life.

 

[Mallaky]

Maybe this thread is going to be a good read for you.

https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/does-anyone-else-feel-like-a-fraud-sometimes.61715.

 

[sonicwhite]

Ah yes, and at the time I feel pain from the nightmares I have had all night, I fear if I keep having the world ending dreams I'm going to think I'm some kind of prophet which I know I'm not. Ugh. Man this nightmares can screw up any bodies day.

 

[sonicwhite]

Sucks because i think about the trauma everyday. I pick at pieces since my mind was psychotic and try to see what that person was doing now that my head is straight. Somethings just show they where messing with my head, other times they where trying to tell me to get a grip. But believing your in a human slaughter house with no advocate to speak for you because if you did speak they where going to chop you up. Man a effed up scenario played out and I always beat myself up because I come in second. Meaning I never achieve what everyone else in life has because I'm tided down by my faith, my trauma and just day to day crap.

 

[shimmerz]

This is just my personal opinion, so take that for what it is worth. My T and I spoke about this on several occasions. He mentioned that throughout his internship, his mentor did a study of women in high care houses for those who were considered mentally ill. A percentage of those residents, in the high 90 percentile, had be subjected to extreme trauma during their lives. His thought was that the PTSD comes first, the psychosis comes later. Deal with the PTSD and the psychosis may well right itself. Unfortunately, in the Canadian system (not sure about US), nobody puts the time into these women. They end up in these houses and it ends in a Hotel California kind of way. 'You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave'

Men, he said, were more prone to drug abuse and get lost in the drugs. I know you have had a past with drug abuse. Many people who are traumatized learned to you drugs in order to cope.

I think, if you go to this T and unwind this thing, that you will get to even ground again. First, deal with the dependencies. Then with the coping strategies to help you cope with unregulated feelings etc and then with the traumas.