Does Anybody Else Feel...

[Missionaryman]

Does anybody else feel normal for days at a time and then get hit with waves of PTSD? Sometimes, I feel like it isn't a problem until I hit a 4-day wall of anxiety and symptoms. I felt like this for 8 months before being diagnosed, and so when I went back to feeling normal for a few days, I assumed it was just my imagination. Does anyone else have these confusing "normal" periods followed by intense symptoms?



<Edited to capitalize i's>

 

[Beverly G.]

Heck yeah, but I sometimes go months between "episodes." I find the more physically and emotionally healthy my life the longer I go before I fall apart again. There is usually some sort of trigger that sets off the PTSD.

I had a baby in 2009 and the baby and I both almost lost our life. That set off a year of the worst PTSD symptoms yet. After about a year of counseling and meds I started feeling better and I actually thought I was well. I was symptom free for almost a year. In early January my baby sister was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and the symptoms returned with a vengence. I feel as if I am fighting for my life and my sanity right along side her.

 

[Zef]

I call it the rollercoaster. It happens to a lot of us

 

[woundedsoul]

Yes!!!!! I felt fine yesterday, all positive and full of energy to heal and look forward to a happier future someday and then today, one negative text from my brother ajudicating me guilty of something I am not guilty of, sent me immediately into emotional turmoil. I started shaking and crying immediately. This makes me feel weak.... Glad to know it is a symptom of PTSD and I may have to contend with this the rest of my life. I do not want other's to know how emotionally vulnerable I am. That I am so sensitive. This makes me shy away from people and relationships, etc. Don't want to get close to people, to be vulnerable to cold, hard, judgmental people that is.

 

[Barberian]

In stead of weeks or months, it's hours or days for me. I can be sitting at my computer, surfing the web, feeling ok, almost ashamed of myself for feeling so normal and having this diagnosis of PTSD. Then something triggers me, and I realize "Oh ya.. guess I do have PTSD".

I so desperatly want to be normal again, my self talk is constantly in flux between the negative stuff, and denial.

 

[Muzikluvr]

That's me too, Barberian... I go on that roller coaster ride by the hour, usually it's higher highs and lower lows on days when I'm active... mainly, I think it feels that way because of the happier feelings of doing normal things. It also makes me feel guilty, but not that I have the PTSD diagnosis; instead, that I ever sit around and do nothing when getting up and being active makes me feel better. So, I feel responsible for a lot of my suffering.

But, I just need to stop beating myself up. Some days, I just can't get up and get going...

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi there,

For me it takes a trigger of some sort. The trick is finding the trigger. IF I am having a emotional flashback then I start to lose it.

The emotional flashbacks have the emotions without being connected to anything. I chalk it up to having a bad day. And I try to salvage what is left of the day. If it is really bad, I come home and just rest. I use comfort foods, I watch tv or I get on the forum and read and support others.

Like I said before, with ptsd, the days pick you, you do not pick the days. Hope this helped .

 

[Chincho]

I seem to live on a daily rollercoaster. I never know what my day will be like in terms of symptoms when I wake up.

Some days are ok, and other days I ask myself why I got out of bed at all.

 

[712xx]

I can related to this thread. People experience ptsd in different ways, just because of the events that caused them are different. Plus, we are individuals with nervous systems that are ... well, the circulatory and nervous systems are not really genetically determined. They are highly exploratory systems that form 'what works' and degenerates what isn't working or utilized. It is pretty amazing that we end up with similar 'looking' layout ... but in evolution, this has been determined to be 'what works' over every other form that has lived.

My point is, our brain chemicals change the way the signals of these systems function after traumatic experiences. Parts of us are normal, and parts of us are changed. Even childhood abuse victims have a normal part, simply because everything can't be broken and still be reasonably functioning. We have flexability and adaptability in all systems. Humans couldn't have evolved if we didn't.

Other species have it too. You think it is easy being a baby gorilla? Or a baby chimp? They have other adults inside and outside their family that may see them as a potential threat to their status or potential food -- they are constant targets till they prove to be strong and fit for the group. They need to have a protective maternal group around them al all times or they get eliminated.

Humans are very similar. However, even if they are not constantly protected, many still survive to be adults. That just goes to show that we do have it within to survive under stressful and pretty terrible conditions. We wouldn't be here if we couldn't. It doesn't seem odd at all that even when feeling so broken, there is a window of strength and 'normalacy' still hanging on.

--{@

 

[czerkawski]

Yup I can definitely relate, however I'm trying to view it as a positive than more of a negative. About 7 months ago (I've been in therapy 4 years) I finally broke thru of some denial and realized that I did have a screwed up past, which is when I actually starting dealing and confronting my past. I have been doing a lot of grief work and use mindfulness on a daily basis. I guess I just view all of the emotions that come up as emotions that I did not and could not deal with as a child. When I accept them and welcome them, they lose their power. Now 7 months later the rollercoaster that I am on is now a lot more tame. Do I have tons of work ahead of me? Hell yes! Am I considerably better? Absolutely! Knowing how to deal with the emotions, and recognizing that accepting the painful emotions of the triggers = growth, makes it a little easier to go thru. Kind of a paradox, but thats been working for me.

 

[Red Feather]

I also have this. And whatever type of emotions I am going through, it is hard not to think that I am tricking myself out of being honest with myself. It's like I have no feeling of self and whenever I think I know who I am, another part can't go with it. Since I just had this huge relapse, I wonder if things are getting better. I always thought that things always get better, even if it looks like things are getting worse. One friend mentioned to me that it is more like a spiral... and that things get worse just about the time they are going to start getting better.

 

[rowean]

Such a timely posting. I woke up this morning in full scale panic attack, nightmare, and have been having a day of the shakes. Yesterday was all about not losing my temper over nothings, and the most frustrating thing is that this return to being symptomatic is due to a bad therapy session. I posted about that and I stood up for myself and felt really good about it and empowered by it. Flash forward to this week. That one session has triggered me into major flashback mode, panic attacks, dissociation, anger flashes, nightmares (when I can sleep) no appetite, everything. I am working the mindfullness, I am working on being accepting and working with all the stuff I have learned over the years but this return to the past was so unexpected and is so frustrating and so unnecessary. Of course that doesn't help. I have to deal with the anger I have about that and I don't have the support system in place for that.

I have been obssessing over the fact that this week I will be going to a new therapist and will be starting all over again but I am ticked off because I need to be doing work on current events and that one guy has me back on old events. I don't feel like I can jump in and dump all of this into the intake interview with the new therapist because I don't know him, he may be as bad or worse then the other guy.

Wow, just writing this has gotten me worked up instead of down, got to breath a bit here.

I have been trying to visualize the intake session with the new guy, it is scheduled to be a long session (4 hours!) which has me a little freaked out, but I am trying to put it into perspective that it will be about getting the information needed to do the work we need to do.

I know what I need to ask of him, what I need to be open and honest about, what limits I can put on that (I don't have to do into details on the trauma on day one - that has to be a trust thing and he has to respect that) I know that the rollercoaster (as someone put it) is normal for those of us who have PTSD - it is normal to feel normal and then come back to it - that sometimes we can feel normal for really long periods of time -really long periods. Prior to this I was feeling pretty much normal more often than not - holidays and birthdays are usually rough but not full out bad like now. I know that this happens, I guess I am just frustrated because I was so blindsided by this particular trigger.

Worst thing - I just got a really good evaluation at work but lost it at my boss - all in the same day. Stellar.

Nothing like shooting yourself in the foot.