Does anyone else feel like a fraud sometimes?

[Freespirit1974]

It's hard to explain, but I'll try:

Whenever I try to share my story with others, or at least the piece...

II often fell like a fraud, because when I try to explain what I feel it is so emotionless. I have intellectualized my feelings for so long that everything comes across as uncaring and unemotional.

 

[Lolo]

I often feel like a liar. Maybe it's because I was so young when it happened. Maybe it's because I didn't remember any of it until many years later. Maybe it's because no one noticed something was wrong with me.Maybe it's because every time I remember a new piece of the puzzle a little voice in my head screams, "NOTHING HAPPENED!"

 

[Bluepopsicle]

Yes and it has to be coping mechanism as for example denial... ? That's what I think.

 

[user27357]

the voice inside that says I am being weak and to buck up and get over it is straight from my father.

He told me the same thing about having stomach cramps before an athletic event or public speaking event when I was in school. I later found out that he missed about half of his fridays all through school out sick, excited and anticipating the upcoming weekend. I have no information about how he handled the stressful things that he thought I should have handled with aplomb, but based on the fact that he avoided anything but work and church for the last 40 years of his life, probably not well.

Our worst critics are ourselves, especially when that self is mirroring the criticism laid out by someone that chose to criticize us harshly because they saw their own problems in us and lashed out at us as if we were their problem personified.

 

[Ka-9]

I've had that thought over the years, like what the f*ck have I done? I've destroyed everything, and I probably could have ridden it out, or rode through it.

But then a day comes along where the suicidal impulse or permeation just creeps into me unconciously like a poison, or I explode looking for a fight when someone is a complete social asshole, or passing out for days at a time on the couch after a stressful time.....

When I think that it's been happening for over 8 years, I cut myself some slack.

 

[britt87]

It's hard to explain, but I'll try:

Whenever I try to share my story with others, or at least the piece...

Yes I do and when I talk to my Therapist about it she validates that my reaction to my trauma is perfectly normal and that or mind tries to minimize or downplay "pretending it didn't happen to us" for self protection. You are not a fraud. It would be easier to live with and accept as if it didn't happen but it did. I know when I stuffed it down for 8 years it manifested in panic attacks, illnesses, eating disorders, drinking, suicide attempt. It is hard but I have started EMDR therapy and it is helping a lot as well as well as yoga for trauma survivors, massage( massage schools are cheaper), and just self care for once.

 

[britt87]

Also learning about epigenetics helped me feel less "guilty" about having PTSD.

 

[Esterio]

An online friend pushed me into telling her about the sexual abuse in my family, then she said that...

you didn't tell for the same reason all of us didn't tell we are scared shitless. hopeful your aunt will realize her mistake and see that you are not at fault. It is all your perpetrator is the only one at fault.
thanks for the post
Be Safe Peace