Does Beauty Come In A Bottle????

[ihateusernames]

:( I wish there was a way to get all of that stuff out of your head and replace it with the truth. I am positive that you actually are physically attractive, but all in all- it doesn't matter. Looks don't count for much in the long run and things like personality, competence and confidence can literally alter the way you appear to people.

 

[WildMermaid]

Personality is vital to me in attractiveness as it shows the beauty and core of the spirit and soul and. I wish we were not raised to hate our bodies/faces/skin/color/ethnicity/culture/each other/humanity we are the ones that can change that. As an experiment compliment someone every day doesn't have to be major and does not have to in real life but just share that support, lift somebody else up. It may transform the way you feel about yourself as well eventually, and the more we raise each other up the better for all us. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think its is very important to learn to love yourself as you are! There is nothing wrong with wanting to be the best *YOU* that you can be, but no need to be fake! I think its really sad to see so many celebrities (and wannabe celebrities) who go under the knife in order to enhance themselves.... Breast augmentations, blow fish lips, booty implants....I could go on! Have you ever seen a celebrity 20+ years after plastic surgery? Its not pretty as the aging process happens so unnaturally. I think natural is best! I think we need to be empowering each other to love ourselves as we are rather than chasing some unrealistic ideal of what a woman should be. Nature created you to be perfectly individual (well, unless you have an identical twin!) Anybody can make themselves look fake, yanno? Who wants to be a cookie cutter? Not me! Natural is beautiful!

 

[garden]

I wish we were not raised to hate our bodies/faces/skin/color/ethnicity/culture/each other/humanity we are the ones that can change that.

Me too. It's amazingly hurtful to be raised to hate yourself for the way that you look. We can't change ourselves, we're stuck with what we got and some of us are made to feel like we got the short end of the stick. Getting bullied for my appearance started on the Kindergarten playground, and it did not end until I graduated from High School. I developed some thick skin for it, and learned very yound not to compare myself to others, because I was night and they were day. I had no choice but to accept my appearance, there was nothing I could do to change it, no creams, no hairdo could make me more acceptable to others...it was my fate to be the ugly one, and I accepted it, it was the smallest and least hurtful thing that I had to endure during those years. After I got out of high school, suddenly the world did not perceive me as ugly anymore... I think the truth was not so much that I was ugly, as much as I was just so different I was kind of an oddity (in that time and place), and living in a homogenous environment (back then, it's diverse now), I stood out like a sore thumb. That and it goes back to the fact that others can sense our vulnerability and some like to exploit those things...the bullies knew that I was an easy target.

Perception plays such a huge role too. The constant perpetuation of stereotypes influences how we perceive things as well. I was bullied and made fun of all those years, but when I was away from school, people had a totally different response to me. Time and place, as well as dominant culture...and many more variables play into it all.

 

[ihateusernames]

I had a very similar experience to @Lewa . From 1st or second grade I would get comments from a few family members, then in 3rd grade the other kids started in, too, and I was fat and ugly for many years after. It became my identity, just a fact of life for me. Then in high school I was taken out of an abusive situation and changed location and suddenly it wasn't true anymore. I never heard it again and I came to realize within a couple of years that it was absolutely not true. I was never ugly. I was just an easy target. Same case with behavior. I believed for many, many more years beyond that time that I was a bad kid. Disobedient, willful, hard headed, disrespectful. It wasn't until just recently (try this year- and I'm 33 now) after I had my own kid and started paying attention to children and (unfortunately) remembering my own childhood that I realized that was absolute crap, too. And I wasn't just a normal kid reacting to shit circumstances I was a freaking exemplary child. And y'know what? You were, too. I can easily tell that from the things that you write here.

I think @WildMermaid is onto something- try complimenting others, try appreciating the beauty in everyone else. I think it will help you recognize it in your own self.

 

[WildMermaid]

I was one of the odd girls we were not allowed to talk to other people outside of school which was mandatory. I was too afraid of people to say much to them anyway. *shrug* My step father moved us up and down the west coast every few months to make sure we could not have time to get comfortable enough to share what was happening at "home." I was the "new girl" at 5 different schools for 1st grade. I was tiny as a child, and nobody thought I would ever grow, and I had big eyes, and long hair. I looked like a lost girl and everything i ever owned came from Goodwill. Years pass, still the smallest, but now I was called "Bug Eyes" I would go home and practice not opening my eyes as wide. I was told that is was too fat then anorexic (also have an anorexic grandma we shared clothes when i was age 9-10) every few weeks by my family. In 8th grade there were a few kids even shorter than i, when feeling ebullient from swimming and kicking ass in a competition i bounced down the hall and was barked at by a group of 3 boys. Instant self loathing. In high school i was "Gimpy", and well, the list goes on. As an adult I posed as "Wonder Woman" for a few different artists, not one of them used my face including my own husband in his run. =/ My features are strange and too odd and not sexy. That one hurt for a long time. :( Now he's made me into a superhero lol, weird in its own right. *shrug* I learned early in life that other people expect us to be so many things that they themselves are struggling with. Didn't make it easier, but I knew in my heart their views reflected them than more me. Please be kind to yourselves, and each other.

 

[garden]

@ihateusernames Agreed.

@WildMermaid OMG! I was bug eyes, bubble eyes, froggy! The first day of kindergarten when they made fun of me in the playground it was bubble eyes, and damn, they chanted it! So many different occassions where there was chanting or some sort of group bullying. In the 9th grade, I was fresh off the boat (back from 3 years abroad) and a small group of cheerleaders sang "jeepers creepers, where'd you get those peepers" to me in the locker room, their faces were smug as they laughed their butts off at my embarrasment, I hid in the bathroom stall until they left, got a detention for being late for my next class. My senior year this guy in my history class used to sit behind me and taunt me while his friends laughed, he'd say things like, 'hey froggy, can you take a look at this for me" and then his buddies died laughing, like he was a friggin comedian. In retrospect, I think he was compensating for being really short, and his friends had no imagination or independence of thought.

Nowadays I am trying to focus on how I perceive myself rather than how others perceive me.

 

[WildMermaid]

@Lewa oh yes "Jeepers creepers, where'd you get those peepers!" soooo many memories of things like that!!! Nothing wrong with having big eyes we just had a lot more to look at. ;) It all hurt then though, did it ever. :hug:

 

[WildMermaid]

@Lewa oh yes "Jeepers creepers, where'd you get those peepers!" soooo many memories of things like that!!! Nothing wrong with having big eyes we just had a lot more to look at. ;) It all hurt then though, did it ever. :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Beauty? I don't know about that. But I was thinking, going through the experiences I've had from early onward (especially seeing people deal with some of them 30, 40 or 50+ years older than I was), it's no wonder my perspectives, thoughts, perception & self were different than my peers or what is geared towards a marketing push.

 

[WildMermaid]

There changed my avi. Sick, pale as death and all. I even put on makeup in bed as I've not been out of the house in a week. You can see the uneven features, the scarring through eyebrow (thank you evil stepfather), other scars, and lines. I'm just me. =/ Somedays I'm okay with that others -like today lol- not so much. It is just a day though, and tomorrow will be different. We are just beings flawed strange creatures that are just fine the way we are. If you like makeup (like I do) play with it! If you don't, never touch the stuff. Believe in you and let in the beauty of life around you.

 

[ihateusernames]

For whatever it's worth, @J_trustno1 I see makeup as an accessory. I wear it only a few times a year and that's solely for fun and solely for me. I go for kind of wacky colors and statements. It can be fun, but at the same time I'm kind of grossed out by having stuff on my face and my eyes are super sensitive to all of it (hence the very rare use of it). It is not a necessity and you are not socially unacceptable without it. Your friend who told you that you won't get a man until you start dolling yourself up is a slave to advertising, pure and simple. I'm in the US, but I can't imagine guys are much different there- nearly every man I know to have an opinion on it prefers a clean face or minimal makeup and every one of them hates hair products.