dimplesg520
Bronze Member
I have posted here before about my boyfriend but it's been a while and a lot has happened so I'll try to give a brief synopsis.
He's been in the Army for 17 years, is Special Forces. Been deployed more times than can say, his last was 2012-2013. Got back last July. We have known each other for seven years and been dating for almost three, he was previously married (divorce just went through) and has been legally separated for six years. This past deployment was his first not as a SF unit -- he was deployed as a nurse at a combat hospital -- although while there, he was unexpectedly pulled to do missions and work in the TOC, which he was guaranteed before he deployed would not happen.
Since coming home, we have had a lot of issues with severe PTSD and depression, sleep deprivation, nightmares, headaches from a TBI, and flashbacks. He has been hospitalized at the VA for two separate week long stays after drunken episodes where he was extremely verbally abusive and slightly physically abusive towards me. He went to a month-long treatment program for PTSD but was not completed with it when the Army made him come back because they didn't have any more money in their budget for it (that's the reason they gave us). He got a DUI earlier this year after an argument when he was being verbally abusive and I told him to stop and he left the house and was pulled over for doing 130 in a 55. He was receiving daily outpatient treatment on post until they said he was well enough and didn't need to go anymore, even though he told them he wasn't well enough and wanted to keep going. It's been a huge trial with the army and his commanders, who have literally told him to his face they don't believe his service record and that he has PTSD. Ugh.
He is very willing to get help and has actively sought it despite his commands stonewalling. He never remembers being physically or verbally abusive and when I tell him, he is so upset to hear that he cries. It's not a case of an abuser trying to manipulate me back -- his brain is so messed up that he truly does not remember and when he is like that, it's NOT him at all. He is a completely different person when he is "normal". Loving, kind, thoughtful.. My best friend.
He FINALLY (thanks to a change of command) got into a new program that is a month and a half long for PTSD and alcohol abuse. He arrived last Thursday and began therapy on Friday. He knows it will be tough but is eager to start. His med board paperwork began about a month ago so it is being continued while he is there and when he arrives back to his post he will continue working on it. Pretty soon we will be away from the bubble of army people who know what PTSD is without having to explain it and know all that it entails for him AND me.
Which is where my question lies. We are talking about relocating to another state because we both hate the weather in our current state. But the little worry bug inside me can't help but wonder.... What happens if we are in another state and he has a flashback, and is buck naked running through the house with a butcher knife, thinking I'm an afghan (which is usually what happens)? At least here, my parents are here and they come down and help or I go hide out at their house for a few hours until he's processed through it. If we are in a new state, without the Army... I'm all alone. I know that the PTSD itself never goes away and only is coped with through methods learned in therapy but.. Am I always going to be living in anxiety, anticipating the next flashback or outburst? I know some of you have been living with your husbands/wives with this for years. Does it get better? Does the fear lessen or go away?
He's been in the Army for 17 years, is Special Forces. Been deployed more times than can say, his last was 2012-2013. Got back last July. We have known each other for seven years and been dating for almost three, he was previously married (divorce just went through) and has been legally separated for six years. This past deployment was his first not as a SF unit -- he was deployed as a nurse at a combat hospital -- although while there, he was unexpectedly pulled to do missions and work in the TOC, which he was guaranteed before he deployed would not happen.
Since coming home, we have had a lot of issues with severe PTSD and depression, sleep deprivation, nightmares, headaches from a TBI, and flashbacks. He has been hospitalized at the VA for two separate week long stays after drunken episodes where he was extremely verbally abusive and slightly physically abusive towards me. He went to a month-long treatment program for PTSD but was not completed with it when the Army made him come back because they didn't have any more money in their budget for it (that's the reason they gave us). He got a DUI earlier this year after an argument when he was being verbally abusive and I told him to stop and he left the house and was pulled over for doing 130 in a 55. He was receiving daily outpatient treatment on post until they said he was well enough and didn't need to go anymore, even though he told them he wasn't well enough and wanted to keep going. It's been a huge trial with the army and his commanders, who have literally told him to his face they don't believe his service record and that he has PTSD. Ugh.
He is very willing to get help and has actively sought it despite his commands stonewalling. He never remembers being physically or verbally abusive and when I tell him, he is so upset to hear that he cries. It's not a case of an abuser trying to manipulate me back -- his brain is so messed up that he truly does not remember and when he is like that, it's NOT him at all. He is a completely different person when he is "normal". Loving, kind, thoughtful.. My best friend.
He FINALLY (thanks to a change of command) got into a new program that is a month and a half long for PTSD and alcohol abuse. He arrived last Thursday and began therapy on Friday. He knows it will be tough but is eager to start. His med board paperwork began about a month ago so it is being continued while he is there and when he arrives back to his post he will continue working on it. Pretty soon we will be away from the bubble of army people who know what PTSD is without having to explain it and know all that it entails for him AND me.
Which is where my question lies. We are talking about relocating to another state because we both hate the weather in our current state. But the little worry bug inside me can't help but wonder.... What happens if we are in another state and he has a flashback, and is buck naked running through the house with a butcher knife, thinking I'm an afghan (which is usually what happens)? At least here, my parents are here and they come down and help or I go hide out at their house for a few hours until he's processed through it. If we are in a new state, without the Army... I'm all alone. I know that the PTSD itself never goes away and only is coped with through methods learned in therapy but.. Am I always going to be living in anxiety, anticipating the next flashback or outburst? I know some of you have been living with your husbands/wives with this for years. Does it get better? Does the fear lessen or go away?
