Dropping Out Of Everything

[recoveringfromptsd]

I find myself in the unfortunate position of having to give up and throw in the towel as the coin the phrase.

I can't fight two stressful battle on two fronts. I can barely handle the one dealing with the horrors of the past and the damage it caused. My primary care provider who is taking over from the one who I had apparently is LGBT phobic, and has done every trick in the book to send me somewhere else. And its just not that simple this affects my siblings care there too.

Last night I came very close to running head on with a tractor trailer at 50mph.

I am at the point where I am giving up. I have already asked my T to cancel all appointments. I am done trying.

 

[Cannottakethis]

I wish I had some kind of amazing advice to give you right now.
All I can say is please don't give up. Take a break, maybe. Give up....drive into a tractor trailer? No.
You've been working so hard.
Eff that LGBT phobic a-hole.
I know everyone is entitled to their beliefs, but not when it interferes with the care of another.
I'm here for you.
:hug::hug::hug:

 

[mrsmegan]

I'm sorry that things seem so hard right now.

I would like to encourage you, however, to remember to not make any big decisions under duress. Take some time to think about what you really need and want. And talk about it with your T, if you feel safe with them and they are a trusted person in your life.

Stay grounded. See how far you have come.

We are here for you.

 

[Suzetig]

Last night I came very close to running head on with a tractor trailer at 50mph.

Was that a purposeful thing or because you were stressed/preoccupied/dissociated? Can you link in to crisis services in your area - I hear you don't want to do "therapy" and it's fine to take a break for whatever reason but you need supports around you that can help keep you safe.

I'm sorry you're in that place, it truly sucks.

 

[Deleted member 39333]

I know what it is like to feel this way; it is terrible, overwhelming, and bitter. As hard as it is to do, though, I agree that the last thing that you should do is cancel your therapist appointments. Mine once told me that doing the things that you do NOT want to do when you are depressed is the way out of depression; doing the things that you DO want to do (usually not much) is the way to foster it. It hate it that he is right.... but he is. Please, if you do nothing else, see your therapist.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I am not depressed, isolating maybe, walling of the world maybe,

I have no more fight left in me to do anything. I have had enough, having to make a choice of allowing myself to be discriminated against or continuing the fight to address the damage from my abuse, I can do both. And I now have nothing left to do either. So I am just going to drop out of this world, and into my own where I feel safe. Where that leads I don't know. And I really don't care anymore.

 

[Deleted member 39333]

I am completely isolated by choice, except for my therapist, and it is what works for me. I hope that it works for you as well, if that is what you want.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Just meet with mobile crisis

 

[mrsmegan]

How did that go @recoveringfromptsd

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Well, safety plan in place for now, and a plan to address the problem with the primary care at the upper corporate level allow me to put it on the shelf in my mind for now. Distract is a big part of the plan.

 

[Cannottakethis]

Well, safety plan in place for now, and a plan to address the problem with the primary care at the upper corporate level allow me to put it on the shelf in my mind for now. Distract is a big part of the plan.

So glad to hear you talked to someone.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I am having a good bit of S/I, no impulse to act though