Emdr Making Me Worse Right Now

[intrasearching]

Hi, I am in sort of a crisis state...

Maybe not exactly a crisis, but I am kind of all over the place and full of anxiety and other negative feelings.

I have been doing EMDR on and off for the last three years. I started up again a few weeks ago. I have noticed that I will feel great immediately after the session, full of hope and self-love, etc. But then the next day or maybe a few days down the line I will crash and feel depressed and just terrible.

Today I have been struggling with anxiety and some mild mood swings. I go from feeling like I am totally broken and hopeless and thus slightly wanting to die, to feeling amused and confident. It makes me feel bipolar but my doc has never diagnosed me as such so I don't know what to think! I ask him every week about my worries about having other disorders like Borderline PD and he always says I am fine and kind of chuckles at me for thinking those things but they feel so real sometimes, and I have told him that, too! I tell him everything!

I also am feeling a bit like many different old traumatic feelings are coming out at random times. Weird things I forgot from many years ago that aren't related to the traumas I have been working on in therapy.

Is it OK or normal to have mood swings like this? I am always so scared that I am going crazy... I know when I see my therapist I will feel OK again and when I tell him what happened he'll say it's normal for EMDR.

Perhaps doing EMDR when I have complex trauma rather than more ordinary PTSD is too complex?

 

[HelenB]

I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time at the moment. I cannot answer on whether it is too complex and too much for you, as I feel that is something only you can decide for yourself, but I would suggest that if the emotions are coming up, in or out of therapy, that being able to get them out and work through them, in the long run will be beneficial to you.

I am also doing EMDR at the moment and I am finding it very hard, and know that my therapist really encouraged me and helped me in seeing that the whole journey of healing is not just about the therapy sessions, but also the way I am working through and processing things in the rest of my time too.

I know it is very hard, and do not know how your sessions work and if you also have a safe picture, which you are brought back to during these sessions, but if you do, and are not doing it already, would really encourage you for yourself to connect to this safety. i know for myself that when I can recognise the fact that these are old feelings and emotions, which though are still so real and still need so much to be validated and listened to, feeding in that I am safe now and can get through this does help me in this place. That is still very hard and I do feel for you so much in the things you are going through and hope you can find a real release and freedom, as you are being so strong in facing and overcoming all these things.

God bless
Helen

 

[Lucycat]

Hi,
I have now been in therapy for almost 4 years. I have had EMDR intermittently during that time. By which I mean my T does EMDR but does not see it as necessary every session. Sometimes he suggests it and I decline, at other times we have had several sessions one after the other ( with at least a week in between). If it is done carefully EMDR can be very successful for complex trauma. However it is important that the T is in tune with the client and paces it appropriately. There are various different techniques that they can use for mor complex clients, so please don't give up hope.

But, if the pace is too fast and you are struggling, be sure to tell your T so that you can get it right for you both.

 

[Joan]

I agree with Lucy in that EMDR can be very successful with complex trauma. I have done EMDR on/off for a while. My current therapist is careful not to overwhelm. That is not to say it is not really hard! Even after you leave the session your brain will continue to process what you did for 24+ hours. Sometimes I do get overwhelming emotions post and on those occasions it is very helpful to see T even if only for 30 minutes just to talk about them.

There are other methods as well, so if you feel this is not the one for you explore other options. Try to voice your needs.

Comfort to you as you struggle at the moment. Be kind to yourself.

 

[intrasearching]

Thanks all for the insightful and kind responses.

I am stuck on this anxiety about normality... Is it normal to be all over the place with PTSD and EMDR? As I said, the mood swings get me extremely anxious. I am DEFINITELY on constant red-alert and mental illness is perhaps the biggest trigger for me because it symbolizes a loss of control and I could never see it coming/know if/when it may strike.

Do others struggle with just feeling really anxious and chaotic when they are going through EMDR?

 

[KP the nut]

But then the next day or maybe a few days down the line I will crash and feel depressed and just terrible.

Please discuss this with your therapist. I was warned by my therapist that after the session issues may come up. And boy they did. However before we began EMDR he talked me through this and wouldn't start until I was able to ground. He also told me to phone him if needed. Sometimes I did and it was good to talk through why things happened.

I am 53, had 2 children and been married for 33 years. I maintain that EMDR was one of the hardest things I have ever done. However, I remain convinced that EMDR and my wonderful therapist gave me back a life where for the most part I can manage my symptoms. Also, my supportive family and this forum.

 

[therapybankrupt]

@intrasearching I also am doing EMDR similar to lucycat and Joan my EMDR is administered as needed and wanted. I always go through a tough patch the day and several days after. I think the reprocessing interferes with my sleep because of the nature of it, I am so tired and my emotions run amuck. I always remind myself to just take care of me afterwards. I take away anything stressful. I just ride through the anxiety and depression bouts and any other challenges.

I treat it like a surgery and I need recuperation time. But if you can not get grounded or have issues with circling thoughts that will not go away. Contact the therapist or a hotline right away. If I am are struggling with repetitive physical symptoms afterwards I need to have another session. It need to be as soon as possible to process those symptoms that are connected to the trauma. It has worked!

On the subject of the ideation. It was more intense when I first started EMDR. I soon realized it was a protection thought. I would feel I had a way out of the pain. Some crazy way that was comforting. Once I accepted that those thoughts it almost never come up. It took two years of treatment! Hold on to the hope and talk to the therapist if it is to much at once. You are the driver at the wheel of you journey. Speak your truth with the T. Everyone is individual and they need to hear from you.

 

[rightkindofme]

The description up thread about EMDR breaks my head because in all my years of doing EMDR with a therapist I have never had that kind of experience. I have not had that kind of supportive structure around it.

I semi frequently have 48 hour periods of extreme suicidal ideation after EMDR. It can work really well but I have to be careful not to do it too often or on pieces of trauma that are too big and tangled in my mind.

 

[Jane.l]

I have only tried it once and found it so overwhelming afterwards that it is more than i can deal with just at the moment.

I am hoping to try again when other influences in my life have settled a little. I also really struggle with grounding and have no 'safe place ' I just disassociate which is very frustrating.

Like you I found the lack of control scary. Maybe it gets better the more you do it ?

 

[BloomInWinter]

I'm just over my first year of EMDR several times a month. My core self is so radically different that when I run into people who knew me just a few years ago, they remark on how calm I seem.

They don't have to know I shake most of the days.

I have a lot more control now. Much of the time, I can verbalize when I've retreated even if I can't always remember my actions to bring me back. That's progress.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@rightkindofme. Ditto.

I wish my old therapist was better at EMDR. She kinda threw me into it. No wonder it didn't work!