Fed Up With The Rollercoaster Of Emotion

[deer_in_headlights]

Arms still linked, Hon!!!

You are not crazy.
Come on back into your body... your body needs you, it'll heal faster if you can stay in it.
You're going to make it...
I love you, ((((((((Kath)))))))))))
Deer

 

[Marie E.]

I will link arms with you KP and everyone else (((Hugs)))

 

[intothelight]

Hi KP,

Working through trauma is really hard work. I just seem to process little bits and pieces right now. I know the time is coming when I have to "get down and dirty", but I also know that I need to feel safe. This forum really does a lot to help me feel that way. I loved the locking of arms.

Funny thing is in all of the research that I have done, something that is so underplayed is the need for women to have a strong network of support with other women. I read a really good research study that dealt with rape victims and domestic violence victims, and those who recovered the fastest and who had the most success in returning to routine activities, were the ones that had the strongest support. I am not saying that men do not need support, the study was focused on women and it just hit a chord of truth with me.

The difference is, we are not enabling, but empowering and encouraging. Look how far you have come, especially with driving and going to the dentist alone. I also love the posts about walking and setting goals for each day. Sometimes I view this community as a small town and we are all on the porch, inviting each other in for a cup of coffee (or tea), and settling in for a nice visit.

I think its working for the best for a lot of us.

Deb

 

[KP the nut]

Hi KP,
Sometimes I view this community as a small town and we are all on the porch, inviting each other in for a cup of coffee (or tea), and settling in for a nice visit.
Deb

Totally agree, I haven't been up long but today I am dressed. I am sitting having my morning coffee checking on how my internet family are doing

Love
KP

 

[KP the nut]

2 hours later and the rollercoaster is at full throttle.

It has been a busy morning. Chutney still do make and dogs will need to go for a walk later.

Feeling overwhelmed at having to cope with H being away. Sleeping on my own (well the dogs help) and having T tomorrow.

I have me time planned later, hopefully that will help me relax.

 

[anni]

Isn't it strange, in a good way, how so many of us have sort of discovered workable 'models' to deal with this thing then read some study or other where it's some real 'thing' that's been documented to 'work'. I think as women, we probably verbalize things in a sort of cozy, friendly, touchy-feely way but there's an awful lot of pain behind some of this effort many of us out into our daily routines. 'Empowering and encouraging' is exactly it, since there's simply nothing else to do. If I can get up every morning and even look at myself in the mirror I won the first thing-then there's a whole series of things to get the hell up and do-goals. One logs in, sees you, KP up and dressed on your porch, pain or no and I'm not going to be the slacker still in my bathrobe, to be sure. :)

Anni

 

[KP the nut]

I was a slacker until after lunch yesterday - we need it sometimes

 

[KP the nut]

Ok, I've done today, what I set out to do.

1. Dishes washed, kitchen clean
2. Monthly grocery shop unpacked (delivered by nice man in a van)
3. Chutney made
4. Dogs walked
5. Bins put out for collection tomorrow.

Now I need to try and relax. OK, I need to wash the chutney pots which have been soaking then I'll relax.

So the plan for tonight, turn off computer,
My cherry stone pillow heated in the microwave and sprayed with ylang yland oil for my aching neck.
Some CSI - NY (Yes I am an addict)
Supper and a glass of wine
Chocolate
And hopefully relaxed enough to feel sleepy. Please let me sleep, I feel so drained. I need some sleep to face having to get up, shower, dress, dogs to walk and the drive to T.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

(((((((((((((Kath)))))))))))))))

I'm hoping today's session went well! I'm thinking of you, hoping you're ok and recovering.
I hope you can treat yourself... Wish I could treat you to coffee, chocolate cake :D and something fun, you deserve it!!!

I hope you know you're loved, cared about, prayed for...
(((((((((((((((Kath)))))))))))))
With concern and much love,
Deer

 

[KP the nut]

Last nights plan did work:D. I slept, woke a few times, hugged dogs then went back to sleep.

It was hard to motivate myself this morning, Came on the forum and was distracted by joining a conversation with Froggie - temptress:cool:.

Had lunch with work friends, just quick then into T.

Again v intense and I had to stop. T switched methods, usually I relay my thoughts and feelings and I had to back off, I admitted the reason I felt terror at the cold and numbness was cos I thought I was dead. So he tried getting me to narrate as if I was watching the scene unfold on TV. That was better, we did that three times and were going for a 4th time. This time I made the decision to look at it from the first person (my) perceptive. I wanted/needed to try. It wasn't brilliant but I got through it. I said the emotions were there but I controlled them. We ended with some grounding.

On the drive home, for the first time since the accident, I sang along to music. Just one song, but repeated it. It is 'Your Song' but the Ewan McGregor version from Moulin Rouge, it has the opera bits in it. It is the song my youngest daughter and I blast out at top volume when we were on a road trip. We don't knbow the opera words so just shout, blah, blah, blah along to the music. A good memory and one which made me forget I'm scared of driving.

Slightly spoilt journey by a truck blocking the road, waving me past and the trying to stop me.

T wants me to buy a pretty notepad and at least once a day write what makes me happy and grateful.

Going to lie on the bed and listen to an audio book. Brain overload. Enough for today. CYA tomorrow.

Drained but happyish H is on his way home

Linking arms

 

[Reclusive]

I absolutely marvel at your strength! It sounds like you're making some serious progress, and that's not small beans!

And I love that version (both versions) of that song, too. Isn't it funny how small things like singing in the car are huge indicators of how you're doing?

 

[kers]

something that is so underplayed is the need for women to have a strong network of support with other women.

In my experience this is alarmingly true. When I am talking and spending time with my friends--truthfully and not pretending to be a happy, 'surfacey' person--then I feel like I am not being blown around by the wind of PTSD quite so much.